


Can't Get Enough of You

by Skiota



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Corruption Penis (Jasper got more than just horns from the corruption..), F/F, Homeworld is Horrible, Interrogation, Name-Calling, Non-Consensual Spanking, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Sex, Some Jaspearl, Torture, Vaginal Fingering, jaspis - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-25
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2020-10-27 19:17:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 73,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20765597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skiota/pseuds/Skiota
Summary: Author note: This is a multi-chapter Jaspis fic. Lots of smut, which is my preference, but also plenty of plot (thank my wife--she makes me write good plot between sex scenes). Some fluff, especially in later chapters. The first few chapters are pretty dark and the content may not be suitable for everyone. This fic is not exactly canon-compliant, but more canon-adjacent; events shown on the show are included and left unchanged (including dialogue) but my interpretation of the characters’ thoughts/feelings and what goes on in the events not shown on screen are not canon. The time frame spans from Lapis’s arrival on Homeworld (just after “Ocean Gem”) and past “Change Your Mind”. Features most recurring SU characters but is told from the point of view of Jasper and Lapis, third person with the exception of a couple of diary-style chapters. Some chapters were written initially as one-offs but I have tried to tie them together as smoothly as possible. Definitely explicit, with lots of kink/rough sex and some non-con, so steer clear if this is not for you!





	1. Homeworld

**Author's Note:**

> Edit to add: My wife wrote this fic, but I'm publishing on my account because she doesn't have one and is less familiar with fanfic/the site/tagging. **Updates generally on Tuesdays.**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chp. 1 takes place after “Ocean Gem” and is set on Homeworld. This is a kinky, explicit imagined meeting between Lapis and Jasper after Lapis is imprisoned and made use of as an informant preceding the events in “The Return”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper (minor/mentioned: Agate, Zircon, Blue Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Peridot, the Crystal Gems)
> 
> Place in timeline: between "Ocean Gem" and "The Message"

Nothing had gone the way it was supposed to.

When Lapis had arrived on Homeworld, she hadn’t known what to expect, exactly, but her once-familiar planet was strange and confusing, bursting with technology she’d never seen before. She’d barely made it into the city center before her gem set off some type of roving scanner, and she’d been immediately surrounded by guards.

She had been created as a terraformer for Blue Diamond, and so it was her court she’d been brought before. The trial was a farce, with the Zircon representing her unable to come up with any convincing defense against the ludicrous accusation that she was a Crystal Gem informant. Lapis had tried to speak for herself but was instantly silenced by the Agate presiding as judge.

Pronounced guilty, she was led away in chains, sobbing and struggling. She sat in her cell for days before Blue Diamond’s review of the ruling was handed down: the Diamond she was made for,  _ her  _ Diamond, determined that she could not bring herself to handle a traitorous gem from Earth, mourning as she was over the loss of Pink Diamond even all these years later. This dismissal by her own Diamond made Lapis feel as if she’d been broken all over again.

Lapis was turned over to the guards of Yellow Diamond, who pragmatically determined her new prisoner could be of use in a mission to evaluate a geo-weapon hidden on Earth. An Era-2 expert kindergartner, a Peridot, would lead the mission, and a Jasper would accompany as a guard. Lapis remained in her cell, awaiting the guard’s next assignment: to interrogate her about Earth before the ship left home.

**

Jasper had waited for this moment for eons. When Yellow Diamond’s mission orders were handed down, she volunteered to accompany the captured Crystal Gem to Earth. Despite her birth on the failed colony—enough to put her at a significant disadvantage in the highly stratified society of Homeworld—she had trained ten times as hard as any Quartz to prove herself as worthy as a Homeworld gem. She chose to believe that it was this quality, and not her place of birth, that honored her with the acquiescence of her request.

Pleased to have been chosen, her mind filled with fantasies of finding Rose Quartz and achieving vengeance for the loss of her Diamond, she strode to confront the prisoner.

**

With the constant buzz of technology illuminating Homeworld, the light shining through the force field that sealed her cell never darkened.

That is, until a hulking figure stood silhouetted before it. With a hiss, the force field dematerialized. 

The gem who entered her cell was huge, an orange and russet Quartz with golden eyes and a malicious grin. Lapis could only guess this was her interrogator. Her uniform clung tightly over her muscular form, bearing the sigil of Yellow Diamond—further proof that Lapis had been entirely forsaken. 

Shivering, she clung to herself, curled up in her corner. She had a feeling this was going to get ugly.

**

Jasper gazed down at the pathetic gem cowering on the floor of her cell. You’d never guess this was a Lapis Lazuli, terra formers renowned for their power over water; a truly rare gem, especially in this era of limited resources. But this one had a used, broken aura about her, as if she’d forfeited her own life long before her time in this cell.

The force field reformed behind her. She hit a switch on the wall, sending blinding light through the space in order to get a better view of the prisoner. Her lithe form, the skirt fluttering around her legs, and the gem displayed in the middle of her back made Jasper smirk.

“They don’t make gems like you anymore,” she growled. “Stand up. I want a closer look.”

Still shaking, the blue gem got to her feet. Even standing, she barely came up to Jasper’s chest. Jasper let her gaze linger slowly over the smaller gem, eliciting a shameful blush.

“You don’t look like much, for a traitor,” she scoffed. “But I know it’d be a different story if there was water around. Too bad there’s none here, huh? You don’t stand a chance against me, so I suggest you don’t try to make this more difficult than it needs to be.”

“I’m NOT a traitor!” Lapis protested.

Jasper grasped her by the wrist, prompting a gasp and drawing her closer. “I told you not to make this hard on yourself. If you cooperate, I might not have to hurt you…too much.”

“Let me go,” Lapis snarled. “I’m not a traitor, and I don’t know anything about Earth!”

“Liar,” Jasper hissed, slamming Lapis against the wall of the cell, causing her to cry out. “You were trapped in a mirror there for what, six thousand years? With nothing to do except watch, and listen.”

“Go away. I’m not telling you anything if you’re going to treat me like this.”

“I guess there  _ is  _ still some fight in you,” Jasper’s grin widened. “Good. I like that. No fun for me if I can’t rough you up a little.”

“You’re disgusting,” Lapis shot back coldly. “I will  _ never  _ submit to you. Tell them to send someone who can handle me, and I might say what I know.”

“Someone who can  _ handle  _ you? Someone who will make you  _ submit _ ? What’s the matter, am I not your type?” Jasper taunted. Without warning, she slapped Lapis across the face. The blue gem yelped in pain and shock. Jasper used one hand to pin her to the wall, and ran the other slowly down Lapis’s body, pausing at her breasts and hips.

“Leave me alone,” Lapis panted. “Don’t…don’t touch me.”

The larger gem slid her hand back up, beneath Lapis’s halter top. She cupped one breast in her palm, almost gently, before crushing the nipple between her fingers. Lapis screamed in pain and fury.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“Y-Y-Yes!” Lapis cried out. Jasper loosened her hold.

“Where is the Crystal Gems’ base?”

“I don’t know!”

Jasper slapped her again. “Liar. You were there with them.”

“I wasn’t!”

Jasper sighed. “Look, I’m not heartless.” Her caresses became sensual. “But if you don’t tell me what I need to know, I’ll have you screaming, one way--” her grip tightened, then her hand dropped to tease around the waistband of Lapis’s skirt, “—or another.”

“You’re a brute,” Lapis sneered. “You’re getting off on this.”

“Maybe I am,” Jasper’s grin widened. “But either way, you’re being less than helpful, and I don’t imagine Yellow Diamond will let me keep you around to play with very long before she orders me to shatter you, unless you prove a bit more useful.”

She hurled Lapis across the cell suddenly. Lapis landed with a shout, catching herself with her hands. Her skirt rode up over her hips, exposing her to the hungry eyes of the larger gem. Jasper closed the distance between them and brought the toe of her boot to rest against the smaller gem’s cunt. For a moment, neither of them moved; Jasper’s breath was quickening with excitement, and Lapis felt frozen.

“Now,” Jasper said in a dangerously low whisper, “You’re going to want to start cooperating.” She pushed her foot further against Lapis and began to rub back and forth over her underwear. The smaller gem whimpered.

“You say you’re not a traitor? Then tell me what you know. If you’re not a Crystal Gem, don’t you want to serve your Diamond?”

“They threw me away,” Lapis sobbed softly.

“But you’re alive,” Jasper kneeled down. “You should be grateful.” She slid her large hands over Lapis’s back, tracing her gem with gentle fingertips before sliding down to cup her ass. She kneaded the soft flesh in her palm before bringing her hand down in a sharp slap. The blue gem yelped.

Jasper didn’t stop. She hit her again and again, relishing in the sounds escaping Lapis’s throat. She paused slightly between each, forcing Lapis to feel the sting over and over again. Soon, they were both gasping for breath.

Jasper pulled the small gem into her lap. She forced her hand down Lapis’s front and cupped her sex. She grinned cruelly to find slick wetness there. “Now who’s getting off on this?” She whispered. Lapis sobbed angrily.

The bigger gem slid one finger tauntingly around her entrance. “Now, I can tear you apart right now, or you can tell me where the Crystal Gem’s base is. Or maybe that’s what you want?” She traced Lapis’s ear with the tip of her tongue, causing the smaller gem to squirm and moan. “For me to tear into you?”

“B-Beach City,” Lapis stammered. “On the Northeastern coast, of a continent called North America.”

“Good girl,” Jasper murmured. “We can find our coordinates. And I should reward you,” She slid one finger rapidly into Lapis, eliciting a low groan. She began to pump her finger in and out, stretching her until she could add another. Jasper moved fast and rough, and Lapis’s whole body shook with the force of it. Her chest heaved and short, sharp cries tumbled from her mouth.

“Which Crystal Gems are at this base?”

“P-P-Please…” Lapis whimpered, “…p-please no more…”

Jasper slammed in harder. “I don’t think you want me to stop. I think you want me to make you scream. Let’s try again—which Crystal Gems are at the base?”

“I don’t  _ know  _ them!” Lapis gasped.

Jasper yanked her closer, pounding her fingers in harder. “You’ve been on Earth too long, brat. What TYPE of gems?”

The blue gem squealed at the increased pressure. “An amethyst, a pearl, and a permafusion of a ruby and sapphire. Please, Jasper, please stop…” her voice dropped to a moan. “I-I can’t take anymore.”

“A cross-gem permafusion? That’s disgusting.” Japser mused. “You’re doing so well, Lazuli—are you  _ sure _ you want me to stop?” Her fingers curled forward, and Lapis  _ did  _ scream. The sound of it made Jasper groan. It was getting harder for her to stay focused on her objective.

Her voice dropped an octave. “This feels so good, doesn’t it? You can’t get enough. Do you want to come, slut?”

Lapis shook her head rapidly. “J-Jasper…”

The Quartz curled her fingers in again. “Admit it. You want me to make you come.”

Lapis started to shake her head, but the relentlessness of Jasper’s fingers and the sheer strength behind them was weakening her. Another curl of those fingers pushed her over the edge. “Yes,” she cried, “Yes yes yes…please…”

Jasper gave a hoarse laugh. “That’s more like it. You wanna come? Tell me where Rose Quartz is.”

“ _ I don’t know!”  _ The smaller gem screamed. 

“Not good enough,” Jasper growled. She slid her thumb over Lapis’s clit and pushed hard, gaining another scream. “Where is she?”

“I SWEAR, I DON’T KNOW! SHE WASN’T THERE!” Lapis was shaking uncontrollably and tears rolled down her cheeks. “ _ Please,  _ Jasper…please…” she sobbed.

“I believe you,” Jasper muttered, disappointed. “Come for me, whore.” She resumed pounding into the smaller gem, curling her fingers forward and rubbing her thumb over her clit. Lapis clenched around her with a hoarse shout, her hips bucking, her entire body shuddering as though electrified.

Jasper groaned as her captive climaxed, gratified at how she’d worn the blue gem to a sobbing, shuddering mess. She’d gotten at least some valuable information, but the pulsing between her own legs made her doubt she’d be able to leave this gem alone after just one interrogation.

As Lapis stopped shaking, her breath coming in gasps, Jasper withdrew from her soaked cunt and set her gently on the floor of the cell. She leaned down and kissed the blue gem tenderly on the lips, surprising them both.

“You’ve done well, Lazuli,” she said gruffly. She resumed her smug grin. “Until next time, then.”

Lapis whimpered as the larger gem pressed the switch on the wall, darkening her cell once more and exiting through the force field.  _ Next time?  _ Her body ached, and she was flooded with shame and pain at her own display of lust.

_ Next time,  _ she thought angrily,  _ I won’t be so weak. Next time I’ll find a way to make YOU helpless. _

  
  



	2. Back to Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite having successfully interrogated Lapis, Jasper finds she just can’t leave her alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chp. 2 is set on Peridot’s ship immediately prior to "The Return/Jailbreak"
> 
> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper (minor/mentioned: none)
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Peridot's ship, interrogation, torture, sexual torture, rape/non-con, slapping, finger fucking, f/f oral sex, name calling, fisting, brief aftercare, brief suicide mention (don't think it's that big, but there just in case)

To Lapis’s surprise, Jasper waited until they were on board the ship before entering her cell again.

“Miss me?” The large gem sneered as she came in.

“As if,” Lapis was determined to be difficult this time around. She was still ashamed and smarting from what she’d given in to and revealed during their last encounter. “Go away. You’re wasting your time. Besides--” she bit her lip, “I’ve told you everything I know about the Crystal Gems.”

“Oh, I know that already,” Jasper smirked. “I’m just here for fun. But you seem determined to make me angry before we even begin.”

“Don’t bother,” Lapis replied dryly. “I want nothing to do with you.”

“You know,” the Quartz remarked loudly. “You’re not in a bargaining position. And you and I both know that this will be much easier for you if I don’t have to take what I want by force.”

The smaller gem turned around to face her captor. Teasingly, she spread her legs and ran her fingers over her skirt. “What could you possibly want from a traitor like me?”

Jasper growled. “That’s more like it.”

She kneeled down until she was at eye level with the seated blue gem. Gently, she took her chin in one large hand, her golden gaze already hazy with lust. Softly, tenderly, she began to kiss Lapis’s cheeks, her chin, her forehead, down her ears and jaw and neck. Lapis began to feel light headed, losing herself in the feeling despite her resolve.

A sudden sharp slap sent her gasping, ears ringing with the force of it. “You BITCH!” she spat at Jasper.

Jasper merely chuckled. “Oh, stars, Lapis—you’re too much.” She grasped her jaw tightly. “I  _ knew  _ this mission would be worth my while.”

Lapis jerked her head away. She got to her feet, fists clenched. “Is that the best you can do?” she snarled coldly. “Take gems half your size, tortured, imprisoned—is that what a  _ big, strong  _ Quartz like you has to stoop to?"

“Oh, you’re asking for it,” Jasper breathed. “If I wasn’t having such a good time, I would’ve shattered you for your insolence.”

“Do it,” Lapis deadpanned. “I’d rather be dead. Don’t you get it? I couldn’t give a  _ fuck  _ anymore what happens to me.”

The larger gem’s eyes widened in surprise. “Really?”

The blue gem glanced away with a sigh. In a softer voice, she said, “Can’t you just leave me alone?”

Jasper sighed. “And here I thought we were having fun.”

Lapis gave her a sideways glance. “ ‘Fun’? Is that what this is about?”

The Quartz shrugged. “Not much else to do to pass the time.”

“Is that all I am? A plaything for you to pass the time with? Something to keep you from getting  _ bored  _ on your big, important mission?” In spite of herself, the larger gem’s words stung her pride.

Jasper stared. This was not going the way she’d wanted it to, and she felt like she was losing the upper hand, despite the gaping distance between their statuses. She remembered how the smaller gem had melted into a sobbing mess the last time she’d made her come, and that buttressed her sense of smug superiority.

“Come here,” she growled. Lapis stayed right where she was.

“I said, come  _ here, _ ” she yanked the blue gem by the wrist, upsetting her balance. Swiftly, Jasper pushed her down to her knees.

“I’m tired of that mouth,” she snarled, “Let’s put it to some use.” She unzipped the front of her uniform.

“O-Oh,” Lapis breathed. She opened her mouth wider to protest, and Jasper slid her thumb in, tracing her lips.

“Suck it,” she commanded, “Or I’ll backhand you.”

Lapis glared, but she did as she was told. Jasper groaned at the feel of her tongue and lips and teeth against her fingers. She laughed softly. “Let’s see what else you can do.”

Withdrawing her thumb with a  _ pop, _ she pulled Lapis forward by the hair, eliciting a pained cry. Jasper pushed the blue gem’s lips against her already soaked cunt.

Lapis gave a muffled yelp, but opened her mouth wider and began to run her tongue over the Quartz’s slit. She probed gently, quickening her pace as she felt the hand buried in her hair tighten and shake. Jasper was unnaturally warm, tasting sharply of sweat and stone and iron. To her own surprise, she didn’t mind.

She sucked at the larger gem’s entrance, using her tongue to deftly pull and bite at her inner lips, taking her time before using it to encircle her clit. She sucked that deeper into her mouth, combining the quick movements of her tongue with deep sucks to grind that sensitive spot against her teeth.

“O-Ohhh…” Jasper threw her head back in a moan. “Oh,  _ stars,  _ you’re good at this.” Her hips began to buck and shake. Her deep growl sharpened to a whimper as the smaller gem moved her mouth harder, faster. A quick shock rippled through her body as she went over the edge, her fingers scratching into Lapis’s scalp. 

Panting, she pulled Lapis away. The blue gem’s chest heaved and she gazed hazily up at the Quartz. Jasper broke into a fanged grin. “Enjoying yourself, Lazuli?” She glanced appreciatively at the prone gem, admiring the view of her on her knees, her shaking shoulders emphasizing the graceful teardrop of her gem.

“Will you leave me alone now?” Lapis shot back.

“Ahh, is that why you were so enthusiastic?” Jasper smirked. “Fat chance. It’s a long way to Earth, and I’m just getting started. Now--” she shoved Lapis onto her back. “I think I should reward you.”

She crawled, catlike, situating herself between Lapis’s legs. She spread her thighs with one hand and shoved her skirt up with the other before tearing her panties out of the way. Lapis gave a yelp as the Quartz drew her long tongue languorously over her cunt. She sealed her lips over the entrance and thrust in and out, clasping the blue gem’s shaking thighs in her large hands.

“Come for me,” she growled against her slit, suckling her clit in insistent bursts.

Lapis bucked her hips so hard they left the ground. She cried out, a screeching, feral sound. Jasper forced her back down and didn’t let up until a thick gush of fluid soaked them both.

Laughing, she sat up, wiping her chin on one muscular forearm. “Oh, you’re good,” she panted, “Yeah, I need more of you. Come here, slut.” She dragged Lapis forward with a grunt, a hand clasped around her slender ankle. With the other hand, she slid two fingers into the smaller gem’s slick sex, pumping them quickly in and out.

“Oh oh oh,” Lapis gasped. She could feel herself slipping away, the mindless pleasure obliterating everything else. “Jasperrrr….” she groaned helplessly.

“Don’t think I’m done with you yet,” the larger gem panted lustfully. “I’m just—just getting started…” she slid a third finger inside. Lapis whimpered, biting her lower lip so hard it bled. Those thick fingers felt as if they were splitting her in two.

“Jasper…please…” she moaned. 

“Please what?” Jasper’s voice was a hoarse growl.

“Stop…more…” Lapis’s eyes rolled back and her cries melted into incoherence. She didn’t know what she was begging for; she was lost in the waves of sensation.

The Quartz’s laugh was cruel. “More?” she taunted. A fourth finger joined the other three, prompting another yell from the shaking form beneath her.

“I bet you can take  _ all _ of me, you whore,” Jasper teased. “I think I wanna find out. What do you say, Lazuli? Can you take everything I can give you?”

She moved her fingers in circular motions, stretching the smaller gem wide. She moved her thumb from Lapis’s clit and slid it inside, forming an arrow with her entire hand. Her grin widened as the blue gem continued to stretch, slowly sucking her into her wet heat. She felt a slight twinge of resistance, then the muscle relaxed; her whole hand slid inside to the wrist.

Lapis screamed. The unbearable  _ full  _ feeling was driving her wild. She reached down to grasp Jasper’s thick wrists, to push her out or pull in her further, she could not tell.

Jasper curled her fingers into a fist, stretching her wider and pumping in and out. The blue gem was so tight she could barely move her hand, so she moved her wrist in a rocking motion, rhythmically shaking Lapis’s entire body. Tears streamed down the smaller gem’s cheeks; her cries were helpless and wild.

“Touch yourself for me,” Jasper ordered. As if on command, Lapis pushed her own hand down, encircling her clit with her fingertips and rubbing back and forth. Her body was stiff as a board and shuddering.

Jasper felt the hot, wet walls of her cunt clamp down like a vise, and her hand went numb with the force of it. Lapis’s scream echoed through the cell, torn from her raw throat, and her body convulsed. Jasper cried out as well, riding the wave of the helpless gem’s pleasure. She waited until the body beneath her stilled.

They gazed at each other in a haze. Jasper took in Lapis’s tear-stained cheeks, her mussed blue hair, and her heaving chest. Lapis raked her eyes over Jasper’s parted lips, her glowing, heavy-lidded gaze, and the strands of white hair that clung to her sweaty brow. For a moment, neither of them made a sound; the silence was deafening.

“I’m going to slide out now, okay?” Jasper’s voice was low and gentle. She worked her wrist slightly to break the seal, and began to withdraw her hand. Lapis gasped, but the sensation wasn’t painful. Slowly, the larger gem pulled free. She flexed her slick fingers in admiration and gave a smug grin.

“Was that great, or what?” Lapis turned her head to the side, breaking their glance. Her cheeks burned in renewed shame. Jasper’s face fell slightly.

“You don’t have to answer,” she smirked, “Your moans told me all I needed to know.”

Her expression went serious once more. “Does anything…hurt?” she asked.

Lapis turned her face up again, brow furrowed in confusion. She could read nothing from the Quartz’s face. “No,” she murmured, “No, it doesn’t hurt.”

“Well…good.” Jasper pulled her upright. Her gaze lingered; she cupped Lapis’s face in her palm. Again, she placed a soft kiss on her lips. The smaller gem flinched, expecting a slap.

“Don’t,” the Quartz muttered. “Foreplay’s over.” She brushed gentle fingers over her cheek once more, and stood up. One hand, the one that wasn’t a mess, ran through her thick mane of hair. 

“If you need anything--” she paused, seeming to recover her station. “If you’re in pain…yell for me.” She shuffled awkwardly towards the entrance. “I-I’ll see you on the planet’s surface.  _ Prisoner. _ ” But her voice lacked its characteristic venom.

The force field sealed with a hiss and Lapis watched her captor’s silhouette fade. A lump of fear and rage and loathing and—empathy?—rose in her throat. Her whole body thrummed with the aftermath of their encounter.

_ What have I gotten myself into?  _ She wondered in despair as the shuttle began its descent.


	3. Malachite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chp. 3 is where plot picks up and this chapter is quite long. It spans from “The Return/Jailbreak” and goes to “Super Watermelon Island”, mostly taking place in the shadowy netherworld of Malachite’s mind between Jasper and Lapis as shown in “Chille Tid”. Events and dialogue from “Jailbreak”, “Chille Tid”, and “Super Watermelon Island” are identical to those on the show and I am heavily indebted to many, many, many close-watchings of those episodes. There’s plenty of sex, of course, but also a lot of dialogue as Jasper and Lapis alternate between fighting each other and trying to understand each other in the months they spend fused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Steven, Alexandrite (minor/mentioned: Peridot, the Crystal Gems, Pink Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Blue Diamond, Rose Quartz)
> 
> Place in timeline: Set from "Jailbreak" to "Super Watermelon Island"; some scenes/dialogue taken directly from the show for episodes "Chille Tid" and "Super Watermelon Island"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Malachite, fusion, trapped in fusion, shadow realm, rape/non-con, sexual torture, bondage, water torture, f/f oral sex, face sitting, fisting, slapping, shapeshift dick, fighting, Steven, Alexandrite, Mask Island, Watermelon Stevens, dialogue, bonding over insecurity, intimacy

Everything went wrong so fast.

The ship’s arrival; the confrontation with the Crystal Gems; being dragged from her cell and then re-imprisoned; Steven, kind, sweet Steven, offering to save her again. But she did not risk it, did not _ want _it—she was not a Crystal Gem, she did not belong on Earth, she just wanted to be home, in a world that made sense again.

Nothing made sense anymore.

She heard Jasper’s roars of rage and pain. She had no idea what had happened to the kindergartener, Peridot; from her cell the conflict felt far away. She wondered if she could just disappear.

Then: crashing.

The beach was aflame with a sick green glow, and her whole body ached. She sifted away rock and sand and pieces of the ruined ship, trying to get her bearings. Where were her captors? Where were the Crystal Gems? She felt sure neither would spare her, and her mind screamed with the white noise of panic. She needed to flee, and fast.

Her wings stretched behind her and she gazed at the starry sky through green flame and smoke. She was airborne instantly; she was going to get out. She didn’t know where she’d go, but the primal need to be free coursed through her.

For one glorious moment, she _ was _free.

And then she was snatched from the sky. 

The large, warm hand was familiar as it clasped around her ankle and drew her to the ground in a cruel grasp. _ No, _ she thought, _ please, not this time, not you, no. _

But as Jasper held her up, her grin more a grimace of pain and lust for revenge, her eyes lacking the occasional warmth they’d betrayed to her on the ship, Lapis knew she stood no chance of being free.

Something in her broke.

The rest came in snippets of memory. Steven pleading, Jasper’s harsh, eager voice.

_ They betrayed you. _

_ They imprisoned you. _

_ Just say yes. _

She looked into those golden, power-hungry eyes and felt her own tide of rage rise. How had this happened? She hated the Crystal Gems; she hated Homeworld. They had all forsaken her. Only her captor had acknowledged her, and now she, too, sought to erase her, deprive her, use her. Only Steven had been anything close to kind.

Lapis knew what she had to do.

Jasper’s hands were rough and eager as they led her through their dance. Her own body moved with limp grace. She felt them sync; felt the hands that had tormented her in pain and taunted her in ecstasy encircling her small, lithe form. Bitterness and rage and pain and betrayal swept through them both in equal measure, hitting the same discordant notes.

Her body became light. Her essence pooled out of her and meshed with Jasper’s own. The feeling of lust and power was an immediate, sharp cramp of pure pleasure. She heard their cruel laughter combine as they spread and grew.

Malachite was strength, power, beauty, lust, and pain. She felt gloriously, wonderfully _ them _—the same them that orgasmed together in a dark, fetid cell, momentarily swept away in shared pleasure despite the distance and hostility between them.

But the initial sting of power was nearly stolen away as Jasper immediately tried to take control.

_ She’s just using me. _

Lapis’s rage was all-encompassing; she could _ feel _Jasper’s shock as she felt it, too, in their shared body and mind.

Malachite’s throat burned as Lapis struggled to be heard, shouting over Jasper, who attempted to regain the upper hand. Their fusion nearly broke, but the sudden, painful fear of being apart seized them both and forced them together.

_ You’re my prisoner. _

_ I’m never letting you go. _

Water rose in a rush; with Jasper’s strength in addition to her own, manipulating the ocean had never been easier. She visualized a chain, her own will drowning out Jasper’s protests, and she bound them both, dragging them down to the bottom.

Jasper: _ No! Don’t do this! We can END them! _

_ I can’t. I can’t hurt them. I can’t give you the satisfaction. _

_ We’ll be here together. Forever. _

Holding Jasper took all of her concentration. The larger gem fought in panic. But she was impulsive, irrational, and blinded by revenge; Lapis had the cold, steely patience of someone who had waited and waited only to be disappointed again and again. She could wait longer. She could wait forever.

As Jasper’s panic faded, her attempts to break the fusion grew weaker. She was angry, but also hurt, and exhausted.

Malachite’s eyes closed as she settled at the dark bottom of the sea. Her massive body slowed its struggling beneath her chains; she drifted into a type of slumber, the current rippling through her mane of hair.

A sort of netherworld began to materialize. Lapis felt some of her own essence come back. She was standing in a river of coppery blue-green. The darkness was penetrated by weak greenish light. Shackles bound her in globes of water.

At the other end of those shackles was Jasper.

The larger gem was on her knees in the flowing stream, eyes wide in disbelief. Her wrists were bound to the chains connecting her to Lapis. She looked up at her, clenching her teeth so hard Lapis could feel the pain in her jaw.

“Why are you doing this?” Jasper cried. “We can win this fight--together!”

“I don’t want to win.” The coldness in her voice made Jasper flinch; Lapis felt fear and hurt from their shared consciousness.

“Lapis…Lapis, please…” the Quartz sounded desperate, and even as Lapis smiled in icy triumph, she felt the anguish from the other gem.

“I don’t want to beat _ them, _ ” Lapis snarled. “I want to beat _ you. _”

“Lapis, they…they hurt you! They hurt us!”

“YOU HURT ME.” Lapis’s roar came through Malachite’s mouth. “I was almost free, Jasper. You should have let me go. Now, we’ll never be free.”

“I-I’ll kill you for this!” But Jasper’s anger had become anguish. The pain she felt at Lapis’s betrayal seared through them both. Lapis felt as if she’d been stabbed by blades of ice. Tears streamed down their shared cheeks.

“You can’t kill me. You _ are _ me. We’re Malachite now.”

“Lapis, let me go,” Jasper was fighting to keep her voice calm. “Let’s—let’s talk this over.”

“_ You _wanted to fuse,” Lapis smiled darkly. “How does it feel, Jasper? Is this what you wanted?”

“NO!” Jasper roared, and Lapis could feel her fury and fear as if it were her own. “I wanted to beat them, Lazuli! I wanted to _ win! _We’re so powerful together!”

“I will not be your tool!” Lapis snarled, and Jasper winced as she felt the other gem’s anger and hurt. “You can’t just use me!”

“But…fusion…” Jasper was confused. “That’s—that’s what fusion is…to make us stronger…to help us win…”

“That’s what fusion is to a brute like you,” Lapis retorted. “Fusion is intimate. Fusion is about trust, and light, and then strength. A gem like me doesn’t fuse with a gem like _ you _,” Unconsciously, Lapis had regained some of her ancient, aristocratic identity. “A fusion like us is an abomination.”

“We—we’ve been intimate,” Lapis didn’t need their shared consciousness to feel Jasper’s hurt; it was all over her face, in the tone of her voice. “Lapis, I-I don’t understand…”

“Is that intimacy to you?” Lapis felt the waves of anger flowing through her—through them—as well as shock and disbelief. “Taking what you want, when you want it? Throwing me around? Hurting me? It doesn’t matter to you, as long as we both come—is that it?”

Jasper’s eyes widened. She hadn’t considered that Lapis felt that way, but now she felt her emotions as if they were her own. The pain was as unbearable as the power was intoxicating. “Lapis, I--”

“Shut up.” The blue gem’s voice was soft but Jasper could feel the danger in her tone. She felt her own fear, a horrible, shameful tide of it, and could see it reflected in Lapis. Likewise, she could feel the cold, unhinged rage that bound Lapis’s will. She realized how badly she’d underestimated the smaller gem.

Something almost like arousal prickled through them. Jasper saw Lapis’s slight smile, but the emotion behind it—a twisted, sadistic wanting—made her shudder. Is this how Lapis had felt the whole time?

As if she could read her thoughts—_ wait, she CAN read my thoughts _, Jasper realized in horror—Lapis asked: “Do you want to know how I felt, Jasper?”

The chains around Jasper’s wrists tightened, and then slithered to encircle her chest. Shackles on her ankles moved to force her to her knees, pulling them behind her back and leaving her torso exposed to the blue gem’s mercy. She strode over, gliding with unnatural grace over the eerie green water.

Her small hands ran themselves over Jasper’s body, and the larger gem shivered. The touch felt both wonderful and horrible. Lapis caressed her face, her jaw, down to her shoulders and breasts. She paused there, rubbing and pinching. Jasper felt her heart speed up, and felt the spike of Lapis’s lust.

“Is that what you want? Sex?” Jasper was still confused, but she was trying desperately to keep up with Lapis, to keep her calm enough to reason with, to try to salvage this mess of a fusion.

It was the wrong thing to say.

“NO!” Lapis’s cry shrieked through them, expressing itself through Malachite. “I don’t want sex! That’s NOT what this is! Don’t you get it, Jasper? I don’t want _ you _ . I want your body, I want your power, I want you to feel _ my _ pain!” She slapped Jasper as hard as she could. The water around them flowed faster and rougher, forming choppy waves. 

Jasper grunted. Her anger was flaring up again. She knew she would lose what control she had the moment she gave in to it but she couldn’t help herself. She’d never been able to help herself. “Let—me—go--!” she hissed savagely.

The water around her began to twist upward in a cyclone. “I AM NEVER LETTING YOU GO,” Malachite spoke Lapis’s words. Jasper felt the water pulling her down. Her panic rose to the surface as she fought fruitlessly. This had all gone so wrong, and she just couldn’t figure out _ why. _

“Lapis, please,” her voice was weak, pleading. “Lapis, I don’t understand. Calm down! Why are you doing this to me—to us?! I thought you didn’t want to be trapped!”

The water slowed slightly around them. Lapis could feel the extent of Jasper’s confusion, the fear and insecurity and disorientation underlying her rage and brutality. Something almost like pity shot through them; Jasper could feel the pain and hurt that Lapis just couldn’t let go of, the smaller gem’s fear of being used and discarded, her sense that she’d _ already _ been used and discarded. Lapis, meanwhile, could feel that Jasper’s arrogance, brutality, and strength only masked the hurt of having failed her Diamond, failed her first mission, and the fear that she would never measure up. The waters calmed with a _ hush _ as their understanding of one another grew slightly.

But the pain was too much to bear. They shared a sense of embarrassment at what the other now knew, at the walls of denial coming down to reveal vulnerability. They shared rage at all the ways the other misunderstood.

Burning with shame, Jasper roared and tried to lunge at the smaller gem. Lapis stumbled but recovered her balance easily. She danced away tauntingly. The current underneath them ripped away Jasper’s bearings and she fell onto her back.

Lapis stepped over her, placing one foot on Jasper’s cheek. “Go away,” she sneered, “I don’t want to see your fucking _ face. _” She kicked down, submerging the larger gem. Panic rose in them again as Jasper coughed and sputtered.

She surfaced again, and the water dripping down her face was mixed with tears. Lapis was so strong, stronger than her; she felt anger and admiration towards the smaller gem, along with intense fear that Lapis really meant what she said. That they’d be down here forever.

“Jasper…” Lapis’s voice was a whisper. She gestured and the water lifted Jasper back to her knees. Her chest heaved and she gazed warily at Lapis. The blue gem regarded her coolly, almost dispassionately.

“I don’t know how to feel about you,” she murmured. “I want to hate you. I want to punish you, to be angry with you. But—I feel _ bad _for you. Almost as bad as I feel for myself. And I hate myself, Jasper. I am angry with myself, and I want to punish myself. I want you to feel the way I feel. So why can’t I hate you?”

Jasper blinked at her in shock. If this feeling wasn’t hate, then what was it? Anger, pain, despair, and self-loathing swirled around them, but neither could tell if it was how one felt for the other, or how each felt for themselves.

“Lapis,” Jasper said hoarsely. “Lapis…please…” she couldn’t bring herself to ask for what she wanted, but she didn’t have to.

Lapis approached the bound Quartz once more. She resumed her gentle touches and began to kiss Jasper tenderly; as she did, the shackles tightened further. Tendrils of water snaked up Jasper’s legs.

To Jasper, Lapis felt so cold; beneath her lips, Lapis felt Jasper to be unnaturally warm. She lingered in the kiss, savoring Jasper’s lips, running her tongue along the bottom, allowing her hands to caress the stronger gem. She began to move down, over her jaw and neck, intermingling soft kisses with laps of her tongue, small bites that grew harder, rougher. She’d never had anyone in her power like this before. It was addicting.

Jasper, too, was losing herself in the sensation. In spite of her efforts to keep control, she felt deliciously vulnerable, a sensation she had never realized could be so freeing. She could feel her own hunger and want growing, as well as Lapis’s. She felt how wonderful it felt to be touched; she felt how wonderful it felt to touch herself.

Lapis pulled away to gaze into Jasper’s eyes. They were wary, but for once calm, lidded and hazy with shared pleasure. She began to work her hand beneath the Quartz’s uniform, cupping her large breasts, the softness a sharp contrast to her muscular arms and shoulders. The combination left Lapis dizzy, hungry. She pinched and twisted, eliciting alternating groans of lust and hisses of pain that they could both feel. 

The smaller gem knelt, taking one breast into her mouth and sucking hard. “Ohhh…” Jasper couldn’t help herself, it felt _ so good. _She tensed against her bonds and felt them tighten threateningly. Anger rose in her through the haze of lust.

“Lapis,” she breathed, panting, “Lapis, let me go.”

“No,” the smaller gem paused, then resumed her ministrations. Jasper let out a cry of desire and frustration. She struggled again, fruitlessly, only able to dislodge her breast from Lapis’s mouth.

The blue gem slapped her. They both felt the sting, and their fusion wavered. Panicked, they both forced themselves back together.

“Why can’t I be free of you?!” Jasper was afraid of how horrible it felt to be apart. “Just let me go!”

Lapis, too, shook in fear at the intense desire to stay fused. “I can’t,” she sobbed.

“What—what is this?” Jasper moaned. “Is this what fusion is?”

“I don’t know!” The panic they both felt was sharp in Lapis’s voice. “I-I’ve never fused before! What is wrong with us?” The voice became Malachite’s. “Why do we want to be together?”

In desperation, Jasper tried to wrench them apart once more. Immediately, they both screamed, a horrible keening sound that came out of Malachite’s mouth. “Don’t leave me—I can’t leave you!”

In the netherworld, they gazed at each other, chests heaving. Jasper broke the silence first.

“Okay,” she panted, “Okay, we can’t unfuse. Lapis, you have to give me control!”

“No!” Lapis reared back. “I can’t!”

“WHY DON’T YOU WANT TO DESTROY THEM?” Jasper roared, and Lapis’s control shook, leading Malachite to speak with the voice of her captive. For a moment, in their blurred state, she _ did _want to destroy Steven and the Crystal Gems.

“Stop this!” Lapis hit Jasper again, stunning the larger gem into silence. “I won’t let you hurt them!”

“I didn’t think you were a traitor,” Jasper growled. “Until now.”

“I’m not--” Lapis began to protest, then bit her lip. “I don’t care for the Crystal Gems _ or _Homeworld. They both betrayed me. I’m looking out for myself now.”

Jasper scoffed. “Great. Great job. You’ve looked out for yourself so well, you’re trapped at the bottom of the ocean in an unstable fusion.” Her grin turned cruel. “With me.”

Lapis arched her brows in anger. “Yes, I’m trapped with you,” she said bitterly. “So what do you want to do, Jasper?” She ran a finger gently along the Quartz’s jaw. “How should we ‘pass the time’?”

Jasper grinned and grimaced, feeling their lust, her ashamed desire to be touched by her captor mingling with Lapis’s growing sense of erotic power. “Come here,” her voice was low. “I can _ feel _what you want with me. No need to deny yourself—we’re truly alone now.”

Power rushed through the blue gem at the truth in those words. They were alone; no one could judge her. She approached Jasper once more, tearing open the top of her uniform to expose her. She continued to tear, smiling cruelly as the sigil of Yellow Diamond ripped in half in her grasp.

“I’ll just regenerate that, you know,” Jasper winced. 

“That doesn’t matter to me now,” Lapis’s voice was like ice, coming from between gritted teeth. “Right now, you’re MINE.”

She kneeled beside the larger gem, and with a snap of her fingers, the chains binding her ankles moved to spread her legs wide. Lapis ran her fingertips over the Quartz’s slit, and was gratified to find her already wet. It was unclear whose desire moved them; fused, the feelings of lust were magnified and blended between them.

“If you’re gonna fuck me, just do it,” Jasper snarled. 

Lapis’s laugh was high and cool. “Oh, Jasper, I am going to do _ whatever _I want to you.”

Her fingers found the larger gem’s clit, and she rubbed it enticingly, drawing a moan from their shared mouth. The slickness made it easy to slip in, and because Jasper was so much larger, Lapis easily fit one, two, and then three fingers inside.

She groaned as she pounded them in and out, feeling as though she were fucking herself as well as Jasper. The bigger gem shook, feeling both her own pleasure and the power rushing through Lapis. The feeling was almost overwhelming. “More,” she begged.

The burble of cruel laughter came through Malachite. “Who’s begging now?” 

“You want me to beg?” Jasper panted, “At least have the decency to do it properly.”

Lapis sneered and slid in another finger.

“Is that all you’ve got?” the Quartz taunted.

Face twisted in anger, Lapis pushed her whole hand in. This finally drew a cry from Jasper, which swiftly became a moan as she was swept up in the feeling of being filled. The smaller gem pushed her arm back and forth, relishing the grunts and whimpers of her chained prisoner. 

When Jasper came with a hoarse shout, both gems convulsed, the orgasm rippling through them and their combined body. Each time a wave of pleasure died down, the rising tide of the other’s drowned them out.

Water swirled in their shared consciousness as the intense feelings wound down. 

“Feel better?” Jasper gasped.

“I don’t know, do you?” Lapis asked. 

“You’ve had your fun,” the larger gem grumbled. “Now it’s my turn. Give me control of Malachite.”

“Who said anything about taking turns?” Lapis said, smiling darkly, “No, I’m just getting started. I haven’t had nearly enough fun with you.”

“I get it,” Jasper said, “The power is intoxicating. You don’t want to give it up. But how long can you hold out, really? You aren’t like me. You weren’t built to fight. And I won’t stop fighting you until I wrest control from your grasp.”

“I’m not like you, Jasper,” Lapis sighed. “But I can out wait you. I’m not as impulsive, reckless, or stupid as you. You’ve underestimated me for the last time.”

“What can you hope to gain from keeping me here? At best, you break us both down until our consciousnesses merge fully and we go insane. Or, more likely, you hold out as long as you can until you’re too exhausted to resist my fighting anymore, and I take control anyway. You’ve bought the Crystal Gems time, but that’s it.”

Lapis bit her lip. There was truth in the larger gem’s words, and she knew it. Of course, she couldn’t hide her uncertainty; Jasper could already feel it. And was trying to exploit it.

She wheeled around. “I will not be your tool!” she yelled. “You will not use me to fight your war, or give you your revenge!”

“I know the loss of Pink Diamond still torments you,” she said, more softly. “I can feel it. But you need to let it go!”

“Oh, that’s rich!” Jasper yelled back. “You’re the one who can’t get over _ anything!” _

Lapis felt their twin anger rising again like a wave. Even as the power of Malachite felt delicious, their shared headspace was infuriating; having Jasper in her head, feeling her feelings, knowing her thoughts was unbearable. Worse, she could tell Jasper felt the same way about her. The forced vulnerability between them made it impossible to reach compromise, and impossible to truly hate the other.

“I can’t take this,” Lapis sobbed. “I can’t believe I’m stuck with _ you. _It’s worse than being alone!”

“No, it’s not,” Jasper said softly, and she knew, from Lapis’s thoughts, that she was right. The blue gem might despise her, but that feeling did not run as deep as the fear of being trapped, alone, again. The larger gem even felt some—pity? empathy?—for herself in Lapis’s emotions. She wondered fleetingly if she could use that to her advantage.

No sooner did she imagine that window of opportunity than Lapis turned to her, face alight with rage. “Don’t you dare,” she snarled. “I can see _ your _thoughts. I will not let you take advantage of me!”

“Damnit, Lapis—“ Jasper began, struggling to keep a lid on her own anger, which was so easily triggered by the smaller gem’s.

A surge of regret flowed over them. Lapis bit her lip. “I’m sorry, Jasper. I-I have to do this.”

Jasper’s eyes widened, but it was too late. The water beneath her swirled into a vortex, sucking her down. “No!” she gasped, “No, Lapis, please!” But she was submerged before she could think of anything that might sway her captor.

The water was rushing and dark. It did not take long for Jasper’s consciousness to wink out completely.

**

They had been suspended beneath the pressure of the deep sea for over a month now. Both of the gems felt their edges blurring together, each day they sunk further into the fusion. Each of them wondered if they would ever be able to emerge as the same gems they’d been before Malachite had swallowed them whole.

Jasper's resolve was weakening. She didn't want to admit it, and she determined she would keep fighting to be free, even if it cost her own sanity. Lapis kept her trapped beneath the water more often than not, and she prickled with fear at the thought that one day, she might never resurface.

  
_ I _ ** _will_ ** _ avenge Pink Diamond! _She swore over and over and over, the words echoing into the water and distorting the surface. If Jasper squinted, she could make out Lapis's irked expression from underneath. 

Sometimes Lapis would let her up, and they would fight. With her chains, she could never physically overpower the smaller gem; she wondered if Lapis intentionally instigated these altercations to ease her own boredom.

One day, she resurfaced to find the blue gem seated in the netherworld of dark water, wiping tears from her eyes. Jasper felt the melancholy as her own. In spite of herself, she asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Jasper,” Lapis sighed, “I miss you.” And the larger gem could sense the truth in her words.

The hellish entrapment of their situation didn’t stop Jasper from smirking. “I understand it can be hard to resist me,” she said.

Lapis shot her a half-amused, half-exasperated look. “Don’t push your luck.”

Tentatively, Jasper sat beside her. “We could try unfusing.”

“Would you try to hurt Steven again?” Before Jasper could answer, they both felt her eagerness to gain revenge to be undimmed. Lapis sighed.

“I can’t let you go,” she said. “I can’t let you hurt him. Jasper, you must understand! He’s not Rose Quartz!”

Jasper grunted. “He’s got Rose’s powers, her gem, and her lackeys. Why do _ you _insist she’s—he’s—someone else?”

“Look, I can’t explain it,” Lapis said. “But I’m no fan of Rose Quartz, either, or her rebellion. The Crystal Gems poofed me, and allowed Homeworld to take me as a traitor and imprison me! It was the chaos and the terror of her rebellion that cracked my gem and let me rot for six thousand years. But Steven—he’s different. He was kind to me. He’d be kind to you, too, if you let him.”

Jasper scoffed. “I seriously doubt that. I assume I’d have to stop trying to hunt down his friends and renounce my loyalty to the Diamonds?”

“But _ why _are you so loyal to the Diamonds?” Lapis reasoned. “I can feel…I know what Yellow did to you after the Quartzes left Earth. How can you serve her?”

“Lapis, that’s treason!”

“All I know,” argued Lapis, “Is that after someone hurts _ me, _the last thing I would want is to serve them!”

“Oh, but don’t you?” Jasper cocked an eyebrow. She let her hand caress Lapis’s chin, then snake teasingly around her neck. Lapis shot her a warning glance but her breath caught, and Jasper could feel the arousal building between them. 

“Maybe,” the Quartz teased, “You like being hurt more than you’re willing to admit.”

Lapis clenched her fist and Jasper felt her chains tighten, pulling her back. “Maybe you’re the one who likes being hurt,” the blue gem grinned cruelly. “Maybe that’s a side of you only I get to see.”

Smirking, Jasper tossed her hair back from her eyes. Her chains wound her hands behind her back, and Lapis gestured, forcing the larger gem onto her back. “Maybe I do like that, Lapis,” her voice was husky. “Do you wanna find out?”

“I think I do,” they both gasped with the desire swirling between their shared consciousness. Malachite’s voice rang out, a growl in the dark. “I’m going to make you _ mine. _”

Lapis gazed tauntingly down at Jasper. She ran her bare foot up the Quartz’s chest, lingering over her neck until she got to her jawline, which she traced with one toe. “You’re going to refer to me as ‘My Diamond’.”

“No,” Jasper breathed, shocked. Fear and irritation mixed with her lust. “Lapis, no.”

“Yes,” the blue gem’s grin widened, and not in a nice way. “Let’s _ break _you of your loyalty, shall we?”

“Lapis--”

Lapis looked darkly down her nose at the subdued gem beneath her. “Go on,” she encouraged, lifting her foot and placing it on Jasper’s gem, forcing her lower, almost under the surface of the water.

Jasper’s rage rose once more and she snarled and snapped at Lapis’s foot, causing her to lift it for a moment. “Don’t touch my gem!” she shouted.

“You’re mine, and I’ll do what I want with your gem.” Lapis emphasized this by pushing Jasper beneath the surface of the water. Jasper cried out under the surface of the water, pain and rage echoing through their fusion. Lapis removed her foot and stepped backwards, moving her hand to lift Jasper from her prison. “SAY IT!” Lapis’s roar came through Malachite.

Jasper choked and gasped, hurt aching through her chest. The sadism in the blue gem alarmed her in its intensity and swiftness. It also touched something deep inside her, the only part of her that wanted to stop fighting, to give in to anything Lapis desired. With her gaze cast downward, her eyes obscured by her hair, she whispered, “Y-Yes, My Diamond.” She winced at the way the words escaping her lips burned.

Lapis cackled. “That’s better,” she panted, “That’s my good pet. Ask what you can do for your Diamond.”

“W-What can I do for you, my Diamond?” Jasper felt mortified, but more aroused than she’d ever been.

“You’re going to please me, Quartz,” Lapis smirked, but her heaving chest and the sudden strength of the current beneath them betrayed the depth of her want.

With a wave of her hand her fluttering skirt disappeared, and Jasper gasped as she gazed at Lapis’s unapologetic nudity. She _ wanted _to serve her, to do anything she asked. Her obedience shocked her; previously, she only showed such swift devotion to a Diamond.

“That’s better,” Lapis purred, feeling for herself the depth of the larger gem’s want. She reached a finger down between her own legs, delicately caressing her clit. She allowed herself to moan loudly at the sensation, and was gratified to feel a surge of overwhelming lust and frustration from her captive. 

“Oh, Jasper,” she groaned, “I can feel how badly you want me…”

Jasper felt everything grow hazy; her head and heart pounded with blind desire. She watched Lapis’s fingers as they teased, desperate for those fingers to be replaced with her own. “Lapis…” her voice was a hoarse growl.

The smaller gem moved forward, and with a wave of her hand she used her power over their shared shackles to force Jasper down onto her back. She walked delicately over to her, and with a cruel smile, lowered her hips down above the prone gem’s lips.

Jasper moaned. She was utterly helpless, her senses filled with the scent and sight and feel of Lapis’s dripping cunt. As her lips met the warm, slick wetness, she eagerly lapped her up, allowing her tongue to trace every inch it could reach. The pleasure sweeping through her body was shared between them.

“Ohh…” Lapis had not anticipated that Jasper’s mouth would feel so good along her center. The larger gem began gently, teasing at her inner lips, leaving soft nips with her teeth and allowing her long tongue to slowly savor the smaller gem’s taste and slickness. Lapis began to rock back and forth. “More…” she groaned.

Jasper gave a strangled gasp of lust at the neediness in Lapis’s voice, the taste of her overwhelming her senses. She moved her tongue in faster thrusts, finally coming up to circle her clit, sucking and biting and relishing the way the blue gem shook. Lapis bucked her hips as she neared her climax, and with a shout she exploded in a burst of wetness that Jasper desperately drank up.

Gasping, she pulled herself up, and allowed Jasper to rise from her subservient position. Neither of them spoke for a moment, both lost on the waves of pleasure in the aftermath of Lapis’s orgasm. 

“Say ‘Thank you, My Diamond,’” Lapis commanded quietly.

Jasper cast her eyes to the ground, face burning with shame and lust. “Thank you, my Diamond,” she murmured.

“That’s good,” Lapis sighed, closing her eyes, “That’s so good.”

“You…you have a dark side,” Jasper panted. “I didn’t expect that of you.”

“Well, you underestimate me,” the smaller gem smirked, “I would stop making that mistake, if I were you.”

Jasper grinned in spite of herself. “I kind of like that, Lazuli,” she paused, “I don’t think I can help myself.”

Lapis laughed, her amusement authentic and lighter than the cruel cackle she had when she was dominating Jasper’s will. “Why can’t you be like this more often?”

“Like what?” Jasper was confused. 

“You know…easier to talk to. Able to take a joke or a tease. To have a conversation where you try to _ playfully _one-up me, instead of brutally one-upping me.”

“I…guess I didn’t realize I was doing that,” the larger gem replied.

“You always have to assert your control, put everyone else down, make yourself seem so serious and important. But now that we’re fused…I can tell that you’re just trying to make yourself feel better.”

Jasper blushed a deep russet. “I can see why fusion is forbidden on Homeworld. This intimacy…what you see in me…it’s obscene.”

“Is it?” Lapis murmured quietly. She approached the Quartz. Jasper could tell that her bonds had loosened, lengthened, but she knew better than to take advantage. Instead, she was focused on how close Lapis was. How intoxicating.

“I like this side of you,” Lapis whispered. “I like knowing it exists. Why do you have to go back to them? Why do you have to try and play by their rules? It doesn’t fill that hole in you, and I know it.”

“Lapis--” Jasper looked aside. “Lapis, I can’t do what you ask. That’s treason. They’ll shatter me—and you!” Her gaze towards the blue gem was pleading. “Please, help me instead! If you give me control of Malachite—if we destroy the Crystal Gems, together—they’ll forgive anything! You’ll be able to make a life on Homeworld again—with me!”

It was Lapis’s turn to look aside, biting her lip. Homesickness washed over her, and they both felt it. She wished what Jasper said could be true, and it was tempting. So tempting. But she knew better; perhaps, after all, it was Jasper who was the softer one, the one with less cynicism poisoning her mind.

“We could never be together,” Lapis said coldly. “Even if what you said was true—and it isn’t, I would be shattered on sight for what they believe I’ve _ already _done—even if they forgave me and reinstated me, you would be a Quartz soldier and I would be a terraformer of Blue Diamond’s court. We couldn’t fuse. We couldn’t fuck. We wouldn’t be able to even see each other. Is that what you want?”

Unbidden, bitter tears stung Jasper’s eyes. “You think I’m not good enough for you,” she remarked dejectedly, “I get it. I was made here on Earth, a failed colony, in a failed Kindergarten.”

“No!” Lapis shouted, “That’s not how I feel at all! You’re projecting your own insecurity, your own fear! Don’t put that on me!”

Shame rose in them both, followed by anger. “Why do you have to be like this?” Lapis cried. “Why do you have to make me so _ angry _?”

“You tell me!” Jasper said bitterly. “Why can’t I stay away from you? Why can’t I overpower you, resist you enough to do my duty to my Diamond?”

"_ You _ tell _ me _," Lapis shot back. "You're the one who got yourself into this mess."

"You tricked me!"

"Oh please," Lapis scoffed. "_ You _ interrogated me on Homeworld. _ You _ lost to the Crystal Gems. _ You _begged me to fuse. You--you are the one who kept trying to fuck me on the ship!"

"Try? As I recall, I succeeded." Jasper couldn't help but smirk.

"Shut up!" Lapis cried. "None of this is my fault! If you can't stay away from me...if you're trapped...you have only yourself to blame."

"Don't play the victim." Jasper scowled. "You came to Homeworld after serving as a double agent for the Crystal Gems. What did you expect them to do? Yeah, I interrogated you--but I didn't torture you. You begged me for more, slut. Then, and on the ship. And I couldn't fuse without you. It takes two, you whore."

"Keep calling me names, see how far it gets you." But Lapis shook with rage, and the water at their feet began to swirl.

"Bitch," Jasper growled. Her chains tightened, and she knew she was making things worse for herself, but she couldn't help but give in to her anger. She'd never been able to control herself. "You want this as badly as I do! Don't deny it!"

"Jasper, I--" Lapis grimaced. "I need you to leave me alone."

The Quartz chuckled darkly. "We're Malachite now. You're _ never _alone. Like this, you'll never be free of me." Despite the current and her chains, she began to crawl menacingly towards the smaller gem. 

"Get AWAY from me!" Lapis shouted. She raised her arms, dousing the larger gem in a jet of water.

Jasper sputtered and roared. She lunged at Lapis, but her chains pulled her down, onto her back, and she began to sink beneath the surface. "Lapis, please--Lapis, no, I'm sorry, _ please--" _

"Go away," the blue gem's voice was a whispered sob. "Go away, I'm tired of fighting you."

For Jasper, the world went dark.

*

Lapis struggled to hold the larger gem beneath her will. Worse, Jasper wasn't her only captive: it took all her strength and focus to use the weight of the ocean to hold Malachite down. Their fusion wanted freedom, to be awake more often than she was asleep, and part of Lapis, the part that felt Malachite's raw beauty and power, wanted the same thing.

She wasn't sure how much longer she could resist the pull to truly become one with Jasper, to let them truly be Malachite. 

Most embarrassing of all, she _ missed _Jasper. Being alone in the dark, beneath the weight of water, was torturous. Doing it to herself was unbearable, but the guilt of what she was doing to Jasper ate her alive.

There was a cry, and Jasper reemerged, gasping and soaking wet. Her emotions had betrayed her, and the water had responded.

“Jasper,” she murmured dully.

“Why--do--you--keep--doing this…” Jasper groaned. “What is the point of this torture?”

Lapis bit her lip, tides of guilt passing through their shared mind. “I don’t mean to torment you,” she said, “But I can’t let you take control of Malachite.”

“Lapis…” Jasper sighed. “Please....why won’t you let me do this for you?”

“For _ me _?” the blue gem was incredulous. “You want Malachite for your revenge! For your war! To make yourself feel stronger! Don’t make this about me!”

“Damnit, Lapis, this is for me, for you, for all of gemkind! For our Diamonds, for Homeworld! What’s one stupid planet--one stupid, misshapen gem, boy, _ thing _\--compared to all of that?” Lapis could feel the extent of Jasper’s disbelief. She admitted that it didn’t make any logical sense, from the perspective of a loyal Homeworld gem.

“Steven has been kind to me,” Lapis replied patiently. “That’s more than I can say for the Crystal Gems, or Homeworld, or _ you _.”

“W-What? I’ve been--I’ve been kind to you!” Jasper whined. “I never even tortured you!”

The smaller gem scoffed. “If that’s your definition of kind, I’d hate to see you cruel.”

“Oh, I can be cruel,” the Quartz growled, crawling forward despite her chains, “I can show you fucking cruelty--”

Lapis stood up rapidly, clenching her fists and stopping Jasper in her tracks. “Stop,” she commanded, “Or I’ll put you under again.”

Jasper stopped.

"Please," Lapis sighed. "Let's not fight. I'm so...so tired of fighting."

Jasper sat down ungracefully. "You don't have to fight me. You don't have to wear yourself out. You could give me control, and rest."

"I hate how tempting that sounds," the blue gem muttered. "You know I can't. I won't."

"Fine," the Quartz said gruffly. "Fine. If you don't want to fight, what do you want? Aren't you bored?"

"Of course I'm bored," Lapis snapped. "But it's nothing like being trapped in a mirror for thousands of years. But fighting you is…"

"Fun?" Jasper suggested.

"Not fun! Difficult! Exhausting!" She gave a crooked smile. "Which you're probably proud of."

"Yeah, I am, Lazuli," Jasper grinned. "And fighting _ is _what I do for fun. But this place...all this water...feeling my mind slipping into yours, slipping away...it's torture."

Lapis winced. "I know. I can feel it. I can feel us losing ourselves."

"Lapis," Jasper whispered, "This can't go on forever."

Tears spilled down both of their cheeks as Lapis's despair overwhelmed their fusion. "I can't give in," she sobbed.

"Shhh," Jasper approached her gingerly. The smaller gem tensed, but the Quartz held out her hands to show she meant her no harm. Gently, she scooped Lapis into her arms, brushing away tears with unusually gentle fingers. Lapis settled into her lap, actually enjoying the feel of her bulk and warmth against her back, the feeling of being completely enveloped by the larger gem.

"W-Why do you want to hurt them so much?" Lapis sniffled. "Why can't you just leave it alone?"

"The Crystal Gems--Rose Quartz--they shattered my Diamond!" Anger flared, white-hot, and Malachite shook. Lapis groaned, struggling to hold the water.

"That was years and years ago! It's over! Can't...can't you just forget about the Earth? You have a life on Homeworld!" They could each feel how Lapis coveted that privilege.

Jasper snorted. "Some life," she muttered, "You have no idea what it's like. On Homeworld, how you're cut, where you're from--it's everything. I'm from Beta, a rush job from the worst colony. Most of the other Quartzes from Beta came out so flawed they had to be shattered. That's the first thing I remember. And then, even though I was perfect, literally the best, I couldn't stop the rebels. I couldn't protect my Diamond. They've never let me forget that...after her shattering--we were called to retreat to Homeworld. Yellow Diamond was so, so angry. Half of us were shattered on sight. The rest of us were tortured, then given the worst assignments. She singled me out specially, made me a plaything for higher ranking members of her court. I was pushed to the bottom of the ranking in the barracks, and I've spent my whole life fighting my way back to the top, being _ better _than the best. But it never seems to matter. I can't escape the mark of this miserable planet."

Resignation and deep sadness welled up in Lapis, overflow from the larger gem's mind. She tilted her head back and reached up to brush away a tear.

"Geez, Lazuli, stop crying," Jasper teased with a watery chuckle. Her expression turned serious. "Can't you see? I _ have _to avenge her. I have to defeat them! It's the only way to redeem myself."

"What if that's not what happens?" Lapis challenged. "What if you destroy the Crystal Gems, avenge Pink Diamond, and nothing on Homeworld changes? Vengeance won't bring her back. What if nothing changes for you?"

"It has to," Jasper muttered. "Fighting the rebels...destroying Rose...it's what I was made for."

"Why not stay?" Lapis cried. "If Homeworld's so bad, why not make a new life, here?"

The Quartz looked at her incredulously. "Here? On this lousy rock? _ You _even hate it here. There's nothing to fight, no colonies to conquer, no purpose to life on this planet. Besides--" she shrugged, "What about the geo weapon that little green twerp is here for? That cluster thing?" She shook her head. "There's no future here." 

They sat in silence. Old hurts, resentment, shame, and exhaustion washed over them, like waves on the shore of their consciousness. But this time, there was more understanding between them, and the flow of emotion was soothing, not painful.

Lapis felt her mind drift in the comfort of Jasper's lap. She ached, and wanted so badly just to sleep. But despite their brief truce, she knew Jasper would take control of Malachite, and the power that came with that would make her unstoppable against Steven and the others. Even if what the Quartz said was true, and Earth was doomed, she couldn't bear to give in. She couldn't be the reason he got hurt.

And yet, her heart seized with a pang of regret at the idea of forcing Jasper down once more. Guilt corroded her insides. _ If I'm not hurting him, I'm hurting her. _

Jasper felt the prickles of anxiety as they emanated from the smaller gem. "Hey, now," she said softly, "Enough of that, okay?" She caressed Lapis's arms. "Relax for me," she ordered.

Lapis allowed herself a contented sigh before stiffening. "You're just trying to get me to fall asleep!" She accused.

"I am not!" Jasper retorted. "Why can't you see me as anything but an enemy, a monster?"

"You keep taking advantage of me. I can't--I can't give in!"

"Why not?" Jasper's hands had not let up, and now they roamed over Lapis, drawing from her a reluctant moan. "I can feel how much you want me. I can feel how much you want to let go."

The water gem despised the truth in those words. They couldn't lie to each other, bound like this. Her face grew hot as she felt her desire spike to the surface. Jasper chuckled.

"I can _ see _what you're imagining, Lazuli. I can see what you need...let me give it to you."

Lapis felt something bubbling between them, a heat that grew and grew. Jasper pressed against her backside from below, and Lapis could feel the hardness she'd shapeshifted. A pathetic whimper escaped her. "Jasper, please," she gasped. She struggled to her feet and turned to face the larger gem.

"Come here," Jasper's voice was a low growl. The front of her uniform bulged and her fists were clenched. Lapis felt the overwhelming heat of the other gem's lust and her eyes fluttered closed. She was losing control of Jasper, of Malachite, and of herself. 

"No, _ you _come here," she panted. She raised her hands and threads of water rose with them. They snaked up Jasper's legs, pulling at her hard length and prompting a groan. They rose to caress her stomach and chest, melding with the shackles on her wrists and flowing up her biceps to force her arms behind her. The current flowed faster and Jasper dropped to her knees.

"What are you doing?" Fear and apprehension were betrayed in her voice. 

"Let me have you," Lapis murmured. Her voice rang as one with Malachite's, haunting and ethereal. She could feel Jasper's body under her whips of water as if they were her own hands. "Lie down, Jasper," she ordered, then paused. "Please."

"Is this some kind of crazy trust exercise?" Jasper grumbled, but slowly allowed herself to sink back.

"Remove your uniform," Lapis's eyes glowed white, and the command came through Malachite. Jasper's heart pounded with growing excitement at the power infused in the smaller gem. Struggling to concentrate, she did as she was told. The vulnerability of her naked skin, wreathed in tendrils of living water, and the pronounced evidence of her desire protruding from between her legs made her feel weak with want.

Lapis snapped her fingers, and her own clothes vanished, fluttering into nothing. Jasper gasped as she let her eyes roam the blue gem's form.

Lust and power bounced between them, rocking their bodies and overwhelming their senses. Lapis strode over to Jasper, circling her, taunting her. She leaned over her as if to touch, to kiss, but held herself back. Jasper whined desperately at the closeness that bore no relief. At last, Lapis leaned over far enough to kiss her gently. Her tongue darted to part Jasper's lips and the larger gem opened eagerly, locking them together. Lapis's hands traced overheated skin and she straddled the Quartz.

Jasper desperately fought her bonds, longing to feel Lapis's small form in her hands, to roll her palms over her hips and belly, to pinch at her breasts and pull her down onto her aching cock. But she could not move, and was entirely at Lapis's mercy. 

"You're driving me crazy," she managed to gasp.

The blue gem smiled slightly and angled her cunt over Jasper's hardness. Thick, dripping slick melted down onto its length and Jasper cried out. Lapis rocked herself back and forth, hands braced on the Quartz's tensed belly, rubbing her wet slit over her cock without allowing her to slip inside. Her clit buzzed with need and she wanted so badly to fill herself with the larger gem's organ, but the pathetic noises escaping from Jasper's mouth and the way she shook made the wait worth it.

At last, Lapis lifted herself enough to let Jasper's tip tease her opening. They both shared a gasp and Jasper strained upwards, her hips taut as she struggled to thrust inside. Lining them up, Lapis let go and sank down onto her.

Jasper screamed as she was enveloped by Lapis's thick, tight heat. She could feel resistance and moaned, realizing that Lapis had intentionally made herself tighter when she could have easily shapeshifted to stretch over Jasper's length.

Lapis made a wild, guttural sound as she felt herself fill, and began rolling her hips as she surrounded Jasper and rode their friction. Jasper whimpered and began to thrust upward with all her strength. The two gems synced and lost themselves in the molten pleasure flowing between them.

Their movements went from deliberate and paced to wild and frantic; they each felt so overwhelmed by their own and the other's pleasure that all they could do was bite, tear, rend, thrust, kiss, and moan. Neither had ever felt so complete. Lapis wondered if this was what fusion was _ supposed _to be, or if this was better than fusion. Her flesh was on fire.

At last, Jasper thrust up and quaked, her orgasm rippling through them both. Lapis's shriek was otherworldly, their combined release echoing through her like an explosion. Bright white light surrounded them and faded to a golden glow as their bodies ceased quaking.

The watery bonds holding Jasper in place collapsed as Lapis's body slumped. The larger gem reached up to stabilize her, catching her as she fell. Gently, she withdrew from the smaller gem, pulling her close to her heaving chest.

Jasper felt confused and disoriented. She'd experienced sexual pleasure with other gems--aristocrats of Yellow Diamond's court who wanted a rougher experience, or other Quartzes in the barracks blowing off steam--but it had been nothing, nothing like this. She wondered if it was because they were fused.

Lapis was passed out, asleep in her arms. Up close, with the blue gem so vulnerable, Jasper could see how worn and exhausted she looked. A pang of pity shot through her...along with the realization that Malachite was in her control.

She stretched her many limbs, opened her four eyes, and tried in vain to see into the ocean depths around her. Without Lapis's control weighing down the water, it was easy to move, to walk forward. She began a pursuit towards shallower, brighter waters.

Jasper paused, though, as exhaustion crept into her own form. It was difficult to be Malachite on her own, with Lapis buried in her subconscious. The waves of tiredness emanating from her fusion companion as well as Jasper's own physical weariness after their fights and their sex weighed on her almost as heavily as the deep sea.

There was also the matter of Lapis. How would she feel, knowing that Jasper had used Malachite's power without her? Would she feel angry, betrayed, used? Guilt crept into the larger gem like a disease. It wasn't a feeling she was used to. 

Gently, she lay Lapis down in the water of their shared consciousness, and after a moment's regret and hesitation, lied down beside her. Her limbs felt weak, heavy, and the scent of the blue gem's hair, the feel of her smaller form tucked in the crook of her arms, served as a sedative. 

Before Jasper realized it, she was as deep in their unconscious as Lapis.

**

Lapis was approaching a door. The door hovered in thick, black nothingspace. She thought she could hear conversation, and muffled laughter, coming from behind it.

_ This doesn't make any sense, _ she thought. _ I'm fused with Jasper. We're in the ocean. _

Her thoughts felt far away and muddled. What had happened? She remembered their sex, the pleasure that had rocked their fusion. Where was she now? Where was Jasper?

She was walking but the door never seemed to get much closer. At her feet, the tide drifted, as if moving her slowly forward, and back. She was at the door. She knocked.

Steven answered. He was wearing a suit and tie and his color was off. He looked shocked, confused. "Lapis?"

"Steven, go away! How did you get here?" But the words didn't come out. Instead of sound, a jet of water emerged from her mouth.

_ I'm losing control, _ she thought helplessly. _ This isn't real. I'm losing my mind to this fusion. _

The door and the room were gone, replaced by the flowing water of their shared netherworld. Distantly, though, she could still hear Steven's voice. The water was brighter, somehow, as if sunlight could trickle through. Lapis felt panicked.

_ We shouldn't be this close to the surface! _

"This is weird," she said.

She heard the voice grow closer. "Hey, that sounds like--"

Steven materialized in front of her in his normal garments and color.

"Steven!" Lapis cried. He couldn't be here! Where was Jasper? What was happening to their fusion?

"Lapis Lazuli!" Steven cried joyously. He floated towards her as she gazed around in panic.

"Steven, w-what are you doing in here?" She asked in shock. 

"I know it's weird, but I'm just dreaming, so don't even worry about it," he replied nonchalantly. 

"What? No!" Her hands flew to her ears. Everything felt murky and unsettled, and she felt herself slip as Malachite stirred. "Steven, I'm trying to concentrate! How are you here?!"

Steven looked worried. "Oh my gosh, are you okay?"

"Steven, please, I--" Jasper couldn't find him here. How would she react? She'd already tried to kill Steven once, and worse, what if she stopped trusting Lapis and took control of Malachite by force? Lapis was too tired to resist such a scenario much longer.

Steven's face shifted to a look of confusion, and his form wobbled, then vanished.

The shackles on Lapis's wrists pulled taut suddenly, and she groaned at the weight at the other end. "Jasper? Jasper, where are you?" She gasped, eyes straining into the current. Was the larger gem at the other end, beneath the surface?

Suddenly, Steven was there again. He approached to where she stood trapped by the weight against her chains. "Lapis!" He cried.

"Steven! Why do you keep coming back?" She asked desperately. "I can't get distracted! I-I've got to hold us down with the weight of your planet's ocean. I've got--to keep her--" she broke off in a groan. The tugs against her chains were too hard to resist and she felt herself slipping.

"Wait, Lapis, tell me where you are!" Steven's voice was full of concern. "We can help you!"

"I told you--no--" she strained. With a gasp, she was pulled beneath the surface of the water.

Jasper reemerged, panting raggedly. The last thing she remembered was lying down beside Lapis after their lovemaking. Why was she underwater again? Anger and fear welled up. Had Lapis awoken, and forced her down?

She saw the small figure of the boy with Rose's gem. How could she--he--be here? "YOU!" She shouted furiously. 

"Jasper!" Steven cried, panicked.

Lapis could hear Jasper's angry shouts through the rushing roar of the water. She desperately tried to pull herself upwards. _ Oh no oh no oh no, _she thought. This was a disaster. What if she hurt Steven?

She unfurled her wings and pushed upwards with all her strength. Gasping, she broke the surface of the water. She felt Jasper vanish beneath the surface once more.

_Why is this happening? Why can't we be on the same side of the water? _She wondered.

"Lapis!" Steven yelled, running over to her.

"Can't you see?" She gasped. "I can't stop. Not for a second. Don't look for me," she continued. "I don't want your help!"

"But--" Steven began.

Anger flashed through her. "Just let me do this for you!"

"Lapis…" Steven looked distraught. 

"No!" She yelled. "I'm not Lapis anymore!" Water swirled around her as rage and hurt echoed throughout their fusion. "We're Malachite now."

"Lapis, no!" But her chains were already pulling her beneath the surface.

Malachite had woken up.

**

Their fusion roamed the ocean floor in a haze. Lapis and Jasper could see out of her--their--eyes, feel the sediment beneath their hands. She crept through the sea, startling schools of fish, crushing rocks and reefs, almost drunkenly as half of her strove to find land, sunlight, and the other half tried to push her back into darkness.

Jasper and Lapis fought for control.

"How could you?" Jasper howled, fists clenched. She dragged Lapis forward by their shared chains. "How long have you been communicating with _ them _?"

"I haven't! I don't know how Steven got here!" Lapis was on her knees, pale and shaking. Her exhaustion was no match for Jasper's rage, her sense of betrayal.

"Liar!" Jasper snarled. "I trusted you! I gave my body to you! Then you...you forced me under...you talked to _ Rose _…"

"Steven," Lapis corrected through gritted teeth. "And I have no idea how he was able to find us. He said...said he was dreaming. Maybe that's part of his powers? Connecting with our minds through dreams?"

"Well, that doesn't make much sense," Jasper snapped. She was angry--furious--but mostly she was hurt. Just when things had begun to feel better between them, when they'd begun to understand each other, Lapis had pulled _ this. _

"Jasper, please," Lapis begged. "Don't be angry with me. I told him to leave us alone! I didn't tell him where we were!"

The larger gem sighed and looked away. Her body was still tense with fury.

"You know I'm not lying," Lapis continued. "I wouldn't be able to hide that from you while we're fused. I don't know how Steven got here. I don't know why we were both pulled under. None of this makes any sense." Her voice broke, and she rubbed her eyes.

Jasper's shoulders slumped. She was still upset, but she could feel the truth in Lapis's words. This fusion was eating them both alive.

"Lapis," she said, her voice determined. "Lapis, this needs to end."

"No…" Lapis sobbed.

"We can't go on like this," Jasper struggled to keep her voice calm. "We're losing our minds. If neither of us can be in control--if we just become Malachite--how do you think that will end? We'll just be a rampaging monster on a doomed planet."

"I can't let you go! I can't unfuse!" Lapis's voice was high with panic.

"We--we have to try. I'm going to try to pull away from you. On the count of 3, okay?"

Lapis shook her head, but she knew they didn't have a choice. 

"One...two..._ three…" _

The pain was searing and immediate. Malachite roared in a shared scream, sending sonic shocks through the ocean surrounding her. Jasper felt like she was being shattered; Lapis's skin burned like fire.

Gasping, panicked, they pulled back together.

"Don't...don't do that again…" Lapis croaked. Her body slumped forward and Jasper rushed to catch her.

"You need to give in, Lazuli," Jasper growled. "You're draining yourself." She knelt down and grasped the blue gem's hands. "Let me have control of Malachite! I'll take us somewhere remote...somewhere you can rest!"

"Jasper..._ no _…" Lapis groaned. "You just want...our power…"

"You really think highly of me, don't you?" Jasper grumbled. She was slightly hurt, but brushed that feeling aside. "Get some rest. It's no use fighting me. You'll just burn out faster."

"Nnn--" but the water gem could hold on no more. Her eyes closed and Jasper felt her go limp in her arms. She scowled down at the blue gem; even in slumber, she must've retained some control, as Jasper was still thickly chained. She lay Lapis in the water and watched her hair and skirt fan out around her elegantly. 

A rueful smile crossed her lips. "You're really something, Lazuli." She knew the other gem couldn't hear her. "Infuriating--but stronger than you look. I like that."

The Quartz groaned as she took on the full weight of Malachite's body. She knew fusion wasn't supposed to work like this, with one gem gaining the upper hand, the other subdued or even unconscious. It wasn't like this when she fused with other Quartzes, and she had a feeling that the Ruby-Sapphire hybrid was different, as well. Uneasily, she also realized that their difficulty unfusing was likely an aberration. 

She moved through the deep, following the ocean floor as it sloped upwards, squinting their four eyes to find where light penetrated the water. 

After what felt like eons, Malachite's head broke the surface of the water. She gasped in free air desperately. She still felt the chains weighing her down, but to be able to see the sky, feel fresh air: it was priceless.

She continued following the rising ocean floor until she reached the shore of an island. It seemed remote, and she could see the glimmers of ancient gem structures. "Perfect," she muttered, smirking. "You'll like this, Lazuli. Maybe we can even unfuse here."

A rustle in the jungle growth along the shoreline startled her. "What the…?"

It was some sort of living--plant? Fruit? It gestured wildly at her, and soon more were coming out of the undergrowth. 

"Ugh!" Jasper cried. She swatted at one as it came close, smashing it to gory red bits. Definitely fruit.

The others scurried back into the jungle. "Good riddance," Jasper mumbled. "Disgusting creatures."

She moaned as she felt Lapis stir in the depths of their shared subconscious. "Not yet," she whined, "Please...let me have a little more time."

But the blue gem was waking up. Jasper felt her anxiety as it passed through them. With a cry, she was jerked back from the present, into their netherworld. 

"Jasper," Lapis's tone was accusatory. "Where are we?"

Sulkily, Jasper gestured forward. "I found an island. I thought...you could rest. It's remote--the Crystal Gems won't find us," she bit her lip. "When you're feeling better maybe--maybe we could try unfusing again?"

"Yeah, maybe," Lapis said dully. Her time beneath the water had restored some of her strength, but the larger gem could see she was still drained.

"Jasper," she said suddenly, her tone rising in panic. "We shouldn't be here. Steven--what if he finds us?"

"If the Crystal Gems show up, we'll show them the power of our fusion," Jasper growled. "But right now, the only thing on this island are these weird fruit creatures."

Lapis bit her tongue. She knew she was losing the strength to fight and chose not to rise to the occasion. 

Their fusion remained offshore for a few days, mostly beneath the surface of the waves, but occasionally, when Lapis weakened, Jasper would bring them above the surface. Lapis would protest--it was too dangerous, they could be seen--but Jasper argued that she couldn’t stand to be under the water full time anymore, and the blue gem was losing strength too quickly to fight back.

Occasionally they caught side of the odd melon people. Lapis would cajole to leave them alone, but Jasper squashed any that came too close. 

“You’re getting soft, Lazuli,” Jasper grumbled. “These things are disgusting. Just another defect of this stupid planet.”

The Quartz tried to keep a lid on her frustration but she was antsy and bored. Being so near the surface, and land, feeling Lapis’s hold over them fade day by day, had rekindled her desire to be free. Lapis felt Jasper’s growing restlessness and tried not to panic. Ultimately, she knew, the larger gem had been right--she hadn’t been able to hold them down forever, and she’d only bought Steven time.

The ground rumbled beneath them from time to time. Lapis tired to ignore it, but Jasper confronted her.

“You know what that is?” she snapped, “That’s what that Peridot was here to investigate. The geo-weapon at the Earth’s core. Pretty soon, this whole damn planet is going to be blown to bits. Is this how you want to die, Lapis? Trapped in this fusion, under the ocean?”

“I don’t want to die, Jasper,” Lapis replied dully.

“Well, you’re certainly acting like it,” Jasper scowled. “Let us go! Let me control Malachite! We can fly! We can control the water so _ easily _together! We could leave before this planet becomes so many useless chunks of rock.”

“Where would we go?” Lapis asked, voice rising. “We haven’t been able to unfuse. We certainly can’t go back to Homeworld like this.”

“Geez, Lapis, let’s go anywhere! Anywhere but here! I can’t wait to leave this horrible planet.” Jasper’s fists clenched as their anger rose in a tide.

“Maybe the Earth _ will _explode! Maybe that’ll finally tear us apart!” The smaller gem yelled back.

“That’s your plan? Yeah, maybe we’ll unfuse--and be killed! _ I _ don’t want to be shattered. I don’t want _ you _to be shattered. Why can’t you be reasonable about this?”

Lapis smiled ruefully. “Wow, Jasper, I didn’t realize you cared.”

“Of course I care,” the other gem growled. “I’m trying to save us, and you--you’ve given up.”

“Maybe I have!” Lapis exploded. “Maybe I don’t want to exist anymore, if all it gets me is trapped and used and imprisoned!”

“Oh, now who’s projecting their insecurity--” Jasper began, but the sound of a ringing gong on the island cut her off.

Malachite turned towards the source of the sound and approached a cliffside. She rose from the ocean, squinting to see what was going on.

One of the strange fruit creatures stood there, arms outstretched. It has been crowned with a wreath of flowers and had a yellow star painted on its front. As Malachite’s four eyes took in the sight, Lapis recognized the creature’s shape.

Jasper roared and tried to take control, pulling at the chains binding Malachite’s wrists. She wheeled towards the creature, growling in fury.

“Steven!” they cried together.

The melon creature shook and went stiff. Suddenly devoid of life, it toppled over.

Lapis, blind with panic, tried to force Jasper back into their subconscious, but rage and determination made her too strong.

“Let go of me!” she shouted, “Lapis, it was Rose! In that thing! She’ll alert the Crystal Gems!”

“I know, I know,” Lapis sobbed. “Jasper, we have to leave!”

“I’m tired of hiding!” Jasper yelled. “If they want to fight us, let them! Let me do this for you!”

“For _ me? _” Lapis shrieked. “You’re delusional!”

“Lapis--” Jasper took several deep breaths, trying to calm her rage. “Let’s fight them! Let’s destroy them! If we bring Homeworld Rose Quartz...if we do this, together, they’ll have to understand that this fusion--that the ends justified the means. We can end this torture, go home!”

“They’ll never see it that way,” Lapis sighed. “You’re being naive. They won’t take me back, and after fusing with me, you’ll be lucky not to be punished yourself!”

“Lapis, we’re losing our sanity. The planet is on the brink of destruction. You’ve held out this long, but you’re weakening. I’m sorry,” she paused. “But I’m going to fulfill my mission. I’m going to make the right choice for both of us.”

“Jasper, please--no--” but Lapis felt the chains holding them waver. 

They heard the unmistakable sound of a warp pad. As Jasper and Lapis faught, Malachite shook and struggled to break her chains. The three Crystal Gems ran out onto the beach. 

“All right, let’s put an end to this,” Garnet said sternly. They began their fusion dance.

“Jasper…” Lapis groaned, and slumped over, panting.

“Give up!” Jasper growled. Her voice came through Malachite. She felt Lapis falling into their subconscious. Before taking complete control of Malachite, she caught the smaller gem.

“Rest, Lazuli,” her tone softened. “I’ll take care of this for us.”

With one more tug against their bonds, the chains collapsed into splashes of water. Anger and determination pushed energy through her as she prepared to fight the Crystal Gems. “I’m impressed,” she said, drawing away from Lapis, “You really held out.”

A new fusion stood on the shoreline, a horror with two mouths and six arms. “Malachite!” Alexandrite shouted in challenge.

Lapis struggled to regain the upper hand despite her weakness. “They’re here,” she gasped.

Jasper strove forward once more. “Stop!” she shouted. Malachite’s power began to overwhelm her with dizzying, blissful intensity. She realized just how powerful they could have been if Lapis hadn’t spend their entire fusion fighting it.

“Pathetic,” she grumbled, adjusting to the weight of their combined voice as it emerged from Malachite’s mouth. “Don’t you see? We’ve been holding us back for too long. And for what? If we’re going to be this thing together, why don’t we have some fun?”

“We don’t have to fight,” Alexandrite addressed them. “You’re outnumbered.”

“I may be outnumbered,” Malachite retorted, “But you’re out of your depth.” She clenched her fists and arms of water flowed smoothly up behind her. Her control over the element was intoxicating. “I can’t wait to tear you gems apart.”

Alexandrite roared and charged forward into the waves. Malachite hit her with one blast, then two. She dodged, but was soon within the water’s grasp. A jet of red-hot fire billowed from Alexandrite’s throat and pushed Malachite back.

Jasper pulled their fusion up again, raising droplets of water and turning them into a rain of ice spears. From where she’d been chained in their shared subconscious, she’d had no idea their fusion had this kind of power.

Alexandrite pulled forth a bow and loosed an arrow, which she deflected easily with a wall of ice. Their wings unfurled behind them and Jasper took advantage of her spin powers to hurl Malachite from the sky, knocking Alexandrite into the ocean.

From where she was subdued in their subconscious, Lapis could feel the wonderful, horrible power of the fight, of their combined abilities. The high of beating Alexandrite was infectious, and through her fear she felt uncontrollable lust and rage and joy.

Panting, Malachite pinned Alexandrite by the throat. The three-gem fusion pushed back, and Malachite wrestled her back down, smashing them into the side of a cliff.

“You’re right,” Jasper gasped, “There really is something more to this fusion thing. It’s not just a cheap thrill,” she hurled Alexandrite into the horizon. “You’ve really shown me a whole new world of possibilities.”

“Allow me to thank you,” she continued, grasping the other fusion in fists of water. “Sorry, but there’s only room for one abomination on this measly planet.” She began to squeeze.

Suddenly, she heard trumpets and drums from the undergrowth. A surge of melon creatures waving shields and spears rushed at her. At first, she laughed at their pathetic attacks with sticks and stones. But they kept coming, pelting her with boulders and falling from the sky into her eyes. She fell as they began to overwhelm her, accidentally losing her grip on Alexandrite.

“What’s this?” she growled, “You think you can hold me down?” She smashed several that were within her reach before scrambling up and scattering another wave of them. “Nobody can! Not anymore.” She channeled the suppressed rage she’d felt under Lapis’s control.

Alexandrite’s weapon shot forward, wrapping a thick whip around her. “Hey! Don’t forget about me!” She pulled Malachite into the ocean, punching her down and hitting her into the sky with a warhammer.

Jasper felt their fusion waver and desperately tried to keep it together. She unfurled their wings, preparing for another charge. Too late, she saw Alexandrite’s bow and notched arrow.

“You two should spend some time apart,” the other fusion snarled, and loosed the arrow in a burst of energy.

The pain was searing and immediate. Lapis and Jasper each screamed with pain and fury, feeling themselves torn. With a blast of light, they were separated, and knocked unconscious. Together, they fell from the sky.

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	4. Unfused

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter note: In this imagining, being apart after spending a long time in an unstable fusion causes physical pain, intense longing, and withdrawal-type symptoms (loosely based on Garnet and Amethyst unfusing after being Sugilite in “Coach Steven”). Jasper and Lapis both go through this, separately, of course, with Jasper trapped under Mask Island and Lapis in the barn after being rescued by the Crystal Gems. Though it’s hard post-finale and -movie to remember how hostile Lapis was to the Crystal Gems when introduced on the show, I captured some of her rage towards them here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Peridot, Steven, Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst 
> 
> Place in timeline: Just after “Super Watermelon Island” and before “Barn Mates”, with dialogue from “Same Old World” featured
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Malachite, fusion, fusion effects, unfused, physical pain from being forcibly separated, physical longing to fuse, freedom, Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, Steven, Peridot, barn, ocean, Mask Island, fighting, screaming

When Lapis came to, all she felt was horrible, unending, gut-wrenching pain. Gasping, she brought herself to her hands and knees, before clutching her stomach with a groan.

"Jasper," she whimpered. She looked for some sign of the other gem and saw nothing. There were floorboards beneath her hands, a pile of straw, and a huge, gaping hole that let in head-splitting rays of unbearable sunlight. 

_ I'm not in the water anymore,  _ she realized. She wasn't on the island, either; the melodic sound of crashing waves was gone. Her wrists were bare, and there was no sign of the Quartz she'd been fused with.

As consciousness came rushing back, the feeling of being apart--of no longer being able to even sense the larger gem--wracked her with intense sorrow, rage, and a searing physical ache of emptiness. 

Lapis began to scream.

Steven, Peridot, and the Crystal Gems rushed inside.

"Lapis!" Steven looked terrified. "What's happening? Are you okay?"

"Peridot, take Steven outside," Garnet ordered. The green gem, looking frightened, did as she was told over the boy's protests.

"She'll be all right, Steven," Garnet called reassuringly.

"YOU!" Lapis was furious. "What have you done? Where am I? Where is she?"

"Malachite is not here any longer," Garnet replied. "You are free."

"What did you...why did you…" she struggled to speak through the pain. "Where is Jasper?"

"She's not here," Garnet said, and Lapis gave a keening wail.

"Garnet, what is going on?" Asked Pearl.

"Yeah, why is she freaking out?" Amethyst asked. Both gems looked anxious.

"It's an effect of the fusion," Garnet said with certainty. 

"What have you done to her?!" Lapis spat.

"She--she fell," Pearl explained. "When the island cracked. We couldn't reach her. But don't worry," she tried to smile reassuringly. "You'll be safe with us. She can't hurt you anymore."

The blue gem roared in fury and rushed at Pearl. She tried to call up whips of water but using her power hurt too badly. Garnet caught her and held her before she could attack the shocked gem, and she fell to her knees sobbing.

"How could you?" she cried, "How could you?"

"I don't think this is normal," Amethyst said tentatively. 

"You're not thinking clearly," Garnet chastised. She took off her glasses and gazed into Lapis's tear-stained eyes with her three multi-hued ones. She cupped Lapis's face in her hands. "You're worrying Steven. You need rest."

"N-no…" the blue gem sighed, but her eyes rolled back as she passed out. Garnet lay her gently in the pile of hay.

"Let's leave her to sleep," she murmured.

**

By the second time Lapis awoke, the pain had faded to a dull ache. Night had fallen, and she was relieved for a break from the relentless sun. After months in the dark ocean, fresh air and daylight felt almost dangerously untethered.

She rubbed her wrists again, trying to get used to feeling them without the shackles of water. As much as she longed for Jasper’s closeness, she had to admit being alone--with her own thoughts, her own feelings--was refreshing. She felt scarred, as if the shadows of the other gem’s mind still lingered in her own.

She bit her lip guiltily. Here she was, finally free, but where was Jasper? Was she trapped somewhere in the Earth? In the ocean? How had months of Lapis subduing her affected her body and mind? Did she feel this pain at being separated?

_ There’s nothing you can do,  _ she told herself sternly.  _ Jasper is a Quartz. She can take care of herself. Besides, fusing was her idea. Fighting Alexandrite was her idea. _

_ I need to get out of here,  _ she thought miserably.  _ I poison everything I touch. _

She spread her wings--the pain was minimal, thank goodness--and gazed into the starry sky, wondering where she could possibly go. 

“Lapis! You’re okay!” The voice was Steven’s.

For the second time Lapis felt as if she’d been snatched back from the brink of flight. She grimaced before turning towards him. She knew he would want her to stay here on Earth, with the Crystal Gems. But she couldn’t abide them. They’d abandoned Jasper, just as they’d abandoned her, all those years ago. She didn’t belong here.

“Steven,” she turned to face him.

“You’re...leaving.” His face fell. 

“I have to, Steven,” she said. Guilt was eating her alive. “I don’t belong on Earth. Not with the Crystal Gems. I never have.” She turned away so he wouldn’t see her glare.

“It’s okay,” Steven said, sad but accepting. “I understand. I just wish we could’ve hung out more. I feel like I only get to see you when something horrible’s going on.”

“That’s just how it is with me,” Lapis replied ruefully. “Steven...thank you. Goodbye again.”

Steven’s eyes shone. “Bye,” he said.

Before she could have second thoughts, Lapis took to the skies.

The air was cool, beautiful against her skin. It still smarted and stung, but she could feel some of her strength returning. As she flew, she gazed down at the planet’s surface. She’d tried so hard to escape this place, only to be forced to return again and again. She felt rage rise in her throat like bile, and gasped as she realized the rage was not her own, but Malachite’s.

_ Or is it Jasper’s?  _ Were they still connected somehow? Or was it just the remnant of being fused together for so long, trapped in each other’s heads? She knew from the ways in which the Crystal Gems reacted that their fusion had not behaved the way it was supposed to.

Bitterly, she remembered the fights they’d had, with Lapis constantly reminding Jasper that she could not return to Homeworld, that they would be outcasts at best, shattered at worst.

With a sad sigh, she circled back until the barn came into view. A tall silo rose up next to it, and she settled herself on its domed roof.

It looked like she was stuck here, after all.

***

"Arrrgghhh!" Jasper came to consciousness with a roar. She hauled herself onto a rocky outcrop from the fast-flowing water she'd been submerged in.

Gasping, she gazed around her, trying to focus through the searing pain in her limbs. She was in some sort of underwater cave, but the tide was out, so it was not yet submerged. The Earth shook and quaked around her.

"L-Lapis…" Fear seized Jasper as she realized the other gem was nowhere to be found. She looked at her wrists and was shocked to see no evidence of the shackles that had bound her. Even more worrisome, she could sense no trace of her companion and captor.

She dove back into the water, peering through the current. She strode up and down but could find no trace of her; reluctantly, she had to conclude that the Crystal Gems had taken her after their fusion unraveled. 

Panting, she crawled out of the cave and began to ascend what remained of the cliffside. After all the time she'd spent fused, she'd expected to be relieved by her newfound freedom, but instead she felt an aching need to be close to Lapis once more. She had no idea if that was a normal aftereffect of fusion or not.

The island they'd fought upon was nearly destroyed, half-sunk into the water. The warp pad was shattered, and Jasper swore, knowing she'd have to walk through the ocean to get anywhere. 

But where would she go?

She longed for the aching pain in her head and body to fade. She felt horrible, gut-wrenching sadness at being separated from Lapis. She worried the Crystal Gems would torment her for information just as Homeworld had; after spending so much time sharing her subconscious, she knew the blue gem feared the possibility, and if Lapis felt anywhere near as awful as Jasper did, she wasn't sure if her mind could withstand another interrogation. 

_ And they're not likely to use my methods,  _ she thought ruefully. 

She began the long walk.

**

Days passed, and Jasper still didn't feel much better. Worse, the physical ache had gone, leaving only this mental anguish in its wake.

She couldn't figure it out; as a soldier, she'd withstood many scrapes, but she had never felt like this before, and it unsettled her. She'd always regarded fusion as a cheap trick, but after the pain and joy and intoxicating rush of fighting as Malachite, she had to admit the experience was unparalleled. And being alone with her own thoughts was more off-putting after getting used to sharing so much with Lapis.

She missed the smaller gem--her presence, her voice, her touch, her body. Even being chained and forced to submit to her had been delicious compared to the lonely, aching emptiness she felt now that they were apart.

These new emotions swirled through her and sickened her with shame. This was not how a battle-hardened Quartz was supposed to feel.

Ghosts of Lapis's thoughts seemed to linger in her mind, taunting her. She felt the smaller gem's constant fear, her sense of betrayal, and most of all, guilt. Jasper could feel Lapis's guilt at having subdued her, as well as her own guilt at the things she had done to Lapis: the interrogations, the disregard for her fear of Homeworld and the Crystal Gems, the way she'd tried to use her as Malachite. Guilt was not an emotion Jasper was used to feeling, and it left her disoriented. 

After several days of walking, resting, and thinking, Jasper realized that in order to feel better, she needed to make it up to Lapis. She wanted to feel her again, to feel their lust and power together. Having never felt such things for another gem, she concluded that against all odds, she wanted to be fused with her again. Surely, that's what these feelings meant? The power they'd had together was unbearable but beautiful, and the Quartz craved it.

But it had gone so wrong last time. Where had she gone so wrong…?

It was the Crystal Gems, she concluded. If they hadn't interfered...if they hadn't had to fuse, to fight them, if they'd left Malachite alone...maybe then Lapis wouldn't hate her. Maybe then they would have been able to fuse without fighting for control, or unfuse without pain, or been able to work together and trust each other without this shame.

Dimly, part of her recognized that she should be searching for a way off Earth, or a communication to Homeworld, so that she could report to Yellow Diamond, regroup, and try to salvage the mission. She knew she should forget about Lapis, try to find that Peridot, and complete what she'd been sent here for. Instead, she was faltering as she sought revenge and a trace of the gem who'd captivated her.

_ What's happening to me _ ? She wondered in something that felt alarmingly like panic.

Bitterly, she remembered the constant, back-and-forth fights with Lapis; the other gem had been certain that appeal to Homeworld or the Diamonds would result in punishment or shattering for their fusion. Jasper was sure--well, almost sure--that Lapis was just being paranoid, that Yellow Diamond would understand the tactical need, but...now she felt uneasy. Cross-gem fusion wasn't just frowned upon, it was forbidden, with bubbling or shattering as the penalty. And in the end, she hadn't gained any ground or advanced the mission by being part of Malachite. 

_ We just won't tell them _ , she thought. With any luck no logs had survived the crash, and she could convince that Peridot to keep quiet. If Lapis wasn't returning to Homeworld with them, no one there had to know what had happened between them. 

But the thought of leaving Earth without Lapis twisted another knife in her heart. There was something about it she just couldn't abide.

She needed to find Lapis.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Snippets (Part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagined mental diary of Lapis, told as if she’s writing to Jasper and recounting her version of events during “Same Old World”, “Barn Mates”, and “Hit the Diamond”. She still misses being fused with Jasper and is still bitter towards Peridot and the Crystal Gems and Earth and general, but she’s gradually starting to warm up to them. This is a shorter chapter; I wanted to cover Lapis's perspective in "Barn Mates" and "Hit the Diamond" without spending too much time on events people have already seen, so I felt like this diary-style (inspired by Peridot's recorder) fit best.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Steven, Peridot (minor/mentioned: Ruby, Sapphire, the Crystal gems, Homeworld Rubies)
> 
> Place in timeline: Takes place over the course of episodes “Same Old World”, “Barn Mates”, and “Hit the Diamond”
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Malachite, fusion, fusion effects, unfused, physical pain from being forcibly separated, physical longing to fuse, first person, mental diary, Lapis point of view, writing to Jasper, Peridot, Steven, coping with being on Earth

_ I don't know why I'm doing this. _

_ Since we separated, I haven't been able to shake the effects of being fused with you. This ache, this obnoxious longing, not to mention being trapped on Earth with the last gems I want to see, has made me more irritable and unsociable than ever. I'm never sure how much of my frustration is mine, and how much of it is yours, and that compounds the annoyance.  _

_ After I returned to the barn I woke up in, Steven offered to show me around Earth, or at least nearby. It's so odd: there are big, noisy cities right near vast, undisturbed plots of land. Both made me feel lonely, but in different ways. _

_ We visited the Galaxy warp, where I'd been abandoned. That brought up a lot of hard memories for me. It sucks not having a home, and being cut off from one that doesn't want me. _

_ I decided to stay in the barn. At least that's familiar, and Steven can visit, and the countryside is remote.  _

_ But I have bad news for you, Jasper: the kindergartener lives here, too. I know from our fusion how badly you wanted to successfully complete this mission (and then some), but it looks like she's joined the Crystal Gems and helped them stop the geo weapon that would've destroyed this planet. When you find out, that will come as a blow to you. It looks like we're both stuck here without a purpose, though since the fight on the island, I have no idea where you are. _

_ When I found out I'd have to share my new home with Peridot, I was furious. Not only is she shrill and annoying, but she expected me to just forgive her for keeping me prisoner, to cooperate with her from the get go and just "get over" what had been done to me for the sake of her precious mission (which she has now abandoned)! Worse, Steven and the others just expect me to get along with her now that she's decided to defect to their side. They don't seem to understand that I loathe both "sides" of this stupid gem war, and just want to be left alone. _

_ It's funny...they want me to be friends with Peridot, but avoid discussing you: they think it'll upset me. I guess they've spent more time with Peridot and have grown to like her company now that she's an ally. I can only assume that's the case, since her personality is as abrasive as ever. You, on the other hand, insist upon being rude, difficult, and intimidating. The green gem may be a lot of things, but 'intimidating' is not one of them. Your loyalty to Homeworld and habit of trying to kill them probably also has something to do with it. But while I'm still so angry with you, I can't bring myself to hate or even dislike you. I know you just think you're doing your job. But the gems here are different, and don't stick to what they were made for. _

_ I was pretty horrible to Peridot. I was angry with her and wanted her to go away. She went to great lengths to woo me, building me a pond of water, drawing me a card, even giving me her precious recorder, which she's been using to log her thoughts. I'm still annoyed that she insists we're "the same" now that she's exiled from Homeworld--she chose this, and I didn't--and that she expects me to leave the way she treated me in the past, like it never happened. But she did apologize, and however clumsily, try to make it up to me. She didn't deserve the way I was treating her. I lashed out, the way I would with you, and now I'm sorry for it. I'm going to have to work on not letting my emotions dictate how I treat others. In the end, how I feel is not her fault. _

_ I broke her tape recorder, so I'm not using that to log these thoughts; this is for my mind only, which is better anyway. I'm not ready for anyone else to find out how I feel. I'm not sure why I'm addressing this to you, but I suppose it's because I still miss you, and I got used to you hearing my thoughts while we were Malachite. _

_ * _

_ Just as I'd resigned myself to living in the barn with Peridot, the most ridiculous thing happened: a group of Rubies came here, looking for you! _

_ We all thought they were after Peridot. She's high strung and very paranoid that Homeworld will retaliate against her for calling Yellow Diamond a clod (yeah, I know--you'd be scandalized, but I have to admit it makes me like her a little more).  _

_ The Crystal Gems arrived to save the day, as usual, and they succeeded, as usual, through unorthodox methods. The fusion called Garnet separated into her Ruby and Sapphire so that Ruby could disguise herself amongst the Homeworld Rubies. You know how they are, they didn't even catch the extra! I have never been fond of Rubies, since they are so hotheaded but inept. The Sapphire, however, seems to find this quality adorable. You should have seen the two of them--you would've been sick. If you can believe it, they're worse apart than they are fused. _

_ Well, Ruby couldn't keep them out of the barn, so Steven decided we should challenge them to a strange game, where you hit a ball with a wooden stick and run around a diamond before the other team catches you. I agreed to play just to see how this ridiculousness would pan out. The sport itself was horribly boring. I can't believe they sent Rubies after you. If they'd sent another Quartz, she would've stormed the barn and that would've been the end of it. Still, I must admit it warmed my icy heart to see Homeworld so easily outwitted. _

_ Well, in the end, we won the game. Ruby and Sapphire almost blew it by flirting the whole time (too many eyes on each other, not the ball). Then they  did  blow it by fusing after Sapphire hit the last run. The Rubies fused, ready to fight, and Peridot tried to turn herself in...but they didn't want her. They wanted you. _

_ Steven told them you were on Neptune. And guess what? They took the bait. So long, Rubies. _

_ Yes, the entire game was pointless. The plan failed. The Rubies were so easy to fool that none of it mattered. It was pathetic.  _

_ But I kinda had fun. _


	6. At Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter note: "Alone at Sea" told primarily from Lapis's perspective, with some of Jasper's thoughts and feelings included as well. Dialogue is taken directly from the episode and I am indebted to a close-watching of "Alone at Sea". I have taken liberties in adding the (imagined) thoughts and feelings of Jasper and Lapis to the dialogue, and the last portion of the chapter is a heart-to-heart between Lapis and Peridot immediately following the events on the boat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Steven, Greg, Peridot (minor/mentioned: none)
> 
> Place in timeline: Overlaps with “Alone at Sea” and immediately after
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Malachite, fusion, fusion effects, unfused, physical pain from being forcibly separated, physical longing to fuse, trauma aftermath, depression, manipulation, fighting, Jasper and Lapis are terrible at communicating their feels, ocean, boat, fishing

The day was beautiful, but Lapis was feeling apprehensive about whatever surprise Steven had planned for her.

Her apprehension grew as she began to hear the constant lapping of waves, and smell the salt tang of ocean water. As her feet found their way onto the dock and a blurry vision of a boat appeared through her water wings, she knew exactly where this surprise was going.

_ Leave it to Steven to try and reacquaint me with the ocean _ , she thought, a little miffed but also recognizing the sweetness of the gesture.

She hadn't been herself lately--or rather, she had, but it wasn't the version of herself the Crystal Gems wanted to see. She was still struggling to adjust to life on Earth around them, and while she was warming up to Peridot, the other gem had remarked upon her frequent withdrawal to her hammock and her stormy moods. It was no surprise that they had sent Steven to cheer her up, as he was the only one who could really get through to her.

She couldn't keep a smile on even for his sake, though, when she saw the boat and another human man in front of her. The boat--the aptly named S.S. Misery--had a clumsy sign reading "S.S. Lil Lappy" affixed to it. At her prompting, the man introduced himself as Greg Universe, and abruptly reminded her of when she'd tried to steal the ocean and injured him in the process.

"Lapis Lazuli," she said, suppressing a groan. "Nice to meet you."

He stood awkwardly, holding out his hand. Lapis was confused and the sense that this day was about to go off the rails intensified. 

"I'll get the boat started," he excused himself.

"So, what do you think?" Steven asked eagerly.

"It's nice, Steven, but...I don't know." She thought about being trapped under the ocean as Malachite, the way her body and mind still ached for Jasper despite the fights they'd had, and her foolish attempt to use the ocean to reach Homeworld, a place that now could never be home again.

"Look, Lapis, I know you spent a really long time fused with Jasper at the bottom of the ocean...but you're not Malachite anymore, and water is a part of who you are. You can't let one bad experience take that away from you."

She should have known. The Crystal Gems avoided Jasper's name like it was some sort of curse, and seemed to be under the impression that Lapis had been tortured by the larger gem while they were fused. She was hesitant to disabuse them of that notion, even if it wasn't entirely true, even if it filled her with guilt. "It was more than one," she grumbled. 

"Just give it a chance," Steven said brightly. "I promise we'll make this the most fun you've ever had."

"Steven, I...don't deserve this." She still felt flustered by the boy's kindness towards her. She'd fought his friends, nearly drowned him, hurt his father, stolen his ocean, sold out the Crystal Gems to Jasper on Homeworld, and then taken all her rage and pain out on the larger gem while she was trapped as Malachite. She'd gone from court gem to imprisoned victim to bitter, vengeful monster; why did anyone want to spend time with her?

"Of course you do!" He replied. "We even named her Lil Lappy."

The taped-on sign began to fall, and as they glanced over, Greg hastily propped it back up. Lapis surprised them both with a laugh. She hadn't accounted for how persistent Steven could be.

"Okay," she said, "I'll give it a chance, but just one." She scooped Steven up and flew him onto the deck. 

Greg honked the horn and began to steer the boat, accidentally taking the dock with them. 

They headed out onto open water. The ocean breeze felt wonderful and Lapis began to feel a little better about the day's adventure. She and Steven joined Greg in the cabin.

"Wow, I think I did a number on that dock," Greg mused. "Maybe somebody else should take a shot at being captain." He removed his cap and tried to hand it to Lapis. "What do you say, Captain Lazuli?"

"Hmm...I shouldn't," she clenched her fists nervously. Her mind flashed back to the weight of water and pressure of responsibility she'd felt as she held Jasper down, protecting Steven and the others but hurting herself and the Quartz to do it.

"Go for it, Lapis!" Urged Steven.

"Don't put me in charge!" She snapped. Lashing out came easily under the pressure. Unknowingly, her body had prepared her for another fight.

"Oh, sorry," she held up her hands apologetically. "I mean, y-you shouldn't trust me with the boat."

"Uh, that's okay. Don't worry about it." Steven held her hand reassuringly. "We can all be first mates so there's no pressure. Only fun stuff today!"

"Lapis, you can still wear the hat, if you want," Greg offered.

"Thanks, but I'm not putting that on my body." She said. It was hideous.

"Let's set a course for fun!" Greg announced, steering the boat forward.

Lapis tried to relax. She reminded herself that she was no longer fighting, no longer trapped, and that she deserved to have a good time with Steven. Looking over the water, her thoughts occasionally strayed to Jasper, and she felt a bittersweet pang. She still missed her, as much as she wanted to just move on, or, even for just one day, forget about the circumstances under which she'd come back to Earth.

Noticing her dour expression, Steven brought her back to the cabin to play with the ship's horn. The noise it made was funny, and loud enough to break through her thoughts. And Steven's laughter was infectious. 

Once they tired of that activity, they found Greg on the deck. He had a strange sort of rod. 

"What are you doing?" Lapis asked.

"Catching fish!" Greg replied. He tossed a string attached to a floating orb into the water; the other end attached to the rod.

_ Finally,  _ Lapis thought,  _ Something good I can use my powers to help with! _

"Oh, I can help!" She stepped back and sighed. Concentrating on the water, she raised her hands, pulling an orb of water and swimming fish to the surface for them to see. It felt amazing to use her power again, outside of a fight. It was great to know that it still felt easy and beautiful, without being Malachite. 

But Greg seemed anxious. "That's a pretty uh...fancy way of catching fish."

"That's because Lapis is supa' strong!" Steven cheered.

"Well, I, uh, appreciate the gesture, but I think it would be safer to stick to the old-fashioned way of doing it."

_ They're still afraid of me,  _ Lapis realized.

"Oh, uh, sure," she said dejectedly. Pushing as gently as she could, she released the water back to the sea. But the motion still rocked the boat, and she winced at the huge wave she'd made.

**

Beneath the water, Jasper felt the sudden ripple effect as something powerful shifted the current. It was the sign she'd been waiting for.

She had gone to communication hub, the galaxy warp, and even the site of the crashed ship, but had found no trace of Lapis or a working communicator that could connect her with Homeworld. But sooner or later, she knew Lapis would return to the ocean. 

She walked in the direction the shock had come from, but she grew nervous as she imagined confronting the smaller gem. She'd been aching and miserable since they'd been apart, but couldn't for the life of her figure out why. The thought of seeing her again filled her with anxiety and anticipation. Lapis haunted her mind's eye and the desire to be close to her again was overpowering her common sense. Was this what fusion did to gems? Is that why that Ruby and Sapphire stayed fused all the time?

Worse, what if Lapis didn't feel the same way? That thought filled her with stone cold fear, another unusual emotion that was throwing her off-balance. 

_ She has to feel this way _ , Jasper thought.

_ I don't know what I'll do if she doesn't. _

**

"So, how do you fish the old-fashioned way?" Lapis tried to keep her tone light.

"It's pretty simple," said Greg, sounding relieved. He explained how to bait the hook and cast the line. It didn't make sense to Lapis, but she guessed she could sympathize with the fish. She wanted something that hurt her, too.

They waited and waited. Steven grew fidgety and bored, slumping down onto the deck. Trying to be polite, Lapis asked, "When does the fish part happen?"

"Well, sometimes it isn't about the fish you keep, but the company you catch," Greg winked enigmatically. 

The line twitched, and Greg handed the pole to Lapis, encouraging her to reel in the fish.

The line went taut, suddenly, and Lapis was jerked forward. Steven and Greg rushed in to help her, pulling her back from the boat's railing. 

Lapis could feel a familiar aura, an electric heat tainted with rage. She gasped in recognition and reeled back just as the line snapped and threw them backwards.

_ Jasper?  _ She wondered, heart pounding. She rushed to the edge of the boat and gazed into the water, searching for a sign of her.

"Looks like this pole rental turned into a pole purchase," Greg mumbled, then brightened, "But you did a great job tangling with that beast."

"Y-Yeah," said Steven, "Don't worry about that one getting away."

"Oh...thank you," Lapis tore her eyes from the water. 

As Greg excused himself to the cabin, Lapis slipped away and sat numbly on one of the lounge chairs. Steven ran after her.

"Hey, whatcha doing?" He asked.

"I just thought I'd sit for a bit," Lapis replied dully.

"You looked like a real pro fisher before the pole snapped."

"Thanks," Lapis smiled to herself.

"Hmm...so fishing was a bust," Steven thought, "But I-I got something that'll cheer you up. Shuffleboard! What do you say?"

The boat came to a crashing halt, and Steven and Lapis were knocked onto their backs for the second time. 

"What was that?" Steven exclaimed. 

The crash came again, ruining their balance. "Are you okay?" Lapis asked anxiously.

"Y-Yeah," Steven replied.

"What's going on?" The blue gem hoped it had something to do with the engine mechanics, and nothing to do with the aura she'd sensed by the water.

Greg called Steven into the cabin. While they discussed the engine trouble, Lapis stood at the rail, eyes scanning the water anxiously. What if the Quartz  _ was  _ here? What would she do? Lapis felt that keening, yearning want for the other gem that she kept trying to snuff out. She knew an altercation with Jasper would end badly--the larger gem would probably want revenge for the way Lapis had treated her. And yet she still wanted to be near her.

_ What is wrong with me?  _ Lapis wondered miserably.

There was a muffled thumping, and a sudden creak as the boat shuddered. Black smoke billowed out of the engine room.

Gray storm clouds gathered on the horizon. Lapis leaned over the railing. Her hands shook; she was certain now that she could feel the larger gem's presence. As Steven came over to her, looking dejected, she knew the news couldn't be good.

"Lapis?" he said, "Um...I have some not-so-good news. There's trouble with the engine and we might be stuck out here for a while."

The blue gem sighed.

Steven looked crestfallen. "I'm so sorry. This whole thing is my fault. I just wanted you to have fun, but everything's a mess. I shouldn't have made you come on this trip."

Lapis released her death grip on the railing. "It's my fault," she said softly. "I'm the one to blame."

"That's not true!" Steven protested.

Lapis squeezed her eyes shut. "I'm really trying to enjoy it out here, but...I can't stop thinking about being fused as Malachite, how I used all my strength to hold her down in the ocean, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me!"

"But, it's not like that anymore," Steven said. "You don't have to be with Jasper."

Lapis hid her face in her hands. "That's not it," she said. How would Steven possibly understand this? "I miss her."

"What?!" Steven sounded incredulous. 

"We were fused for so long," Lapis sighed.

"But...she's terrible."

"I'm terrible!" Lapis yelled. "I did horrible things! I-I broke your dad's leg, I stole Earth's ocean! Go on! Tell me I'm wrong!"

The boat creaked and rocked as rain began to pelt down, startling them both. The chain connecting to the anchor clattered, and Lapis could feel Jasper's presence again, closer than ever. Sure enough, that was who swung herself over the railing and landed on the deck with a thud. She and Steven gasped.

"Finally!" Jasper exclaimed, straightening up with what she hoped was a winning grin. Thunder crashed behind her.

"Jasper!" Lapis and Steven cried in unison.

"I thought I'd never catch up to you!" The larger gem said.

"You've been following us?" Lapis gasped.

"I've been following  _ you _ ," Jasper corrected. Lapis flinched.

Steven darted in front of her, summoning a shield. "Stay back!"

The Quartz looked surprised. "This dulled down version of Rose Quartz works for you now?" She laughed. "You're pointing that shield the wrong way." She'd meant it as a compliment, but the water gem looked stricken. "She's the one you should be afraid of."

"That's not true," Lapis retorted through clenched teeth. Jasper paused, her expression turning serious. This wasn't going as well as she'd hoped. She was frustrated by Lapis's reticence, the way she held her body in fear. What did  _ she  _ have to be afraid of? 

"You can't lie to me," Jasper reminded her with a growl. "I've seen what you're capable of."

"I thought I was a brute," she continued, "But you...you're a monster."

Lapis cringed, glancing away guiltily. "I--"

"Lapis doesn't want anything to do with you!" Steven interrupted. 

Jasper was getting more and more angry, at Rose's interference, at Lapis's icy treatment. She shoved the boy out of the way. "This is between us!" Why were these Crystal Gems always interfering?

The blow was harder than she'd intended and he slid across the deck, his shield vanishing. Lapis looked horrified and Jasper began to realize she'd made a mistake. 

"Steven!" The blue gem cried, rushing over to him.

Jasper caught her by the arm halfway, trying to salvage the interaction, determined to say something that would get Lapis to look at her, talk to her. Clasping one of Lapis's hands in both of her own, she lowered herself to her knees with an ungraceful crash.

"Let's be Malachite again," she said, her eyes wide and pleading. Lapis finally looked into them with an expression of shock.  _ Why is she looking at me like that?  _ Jasper wondered.

"Why...would you want that?" The blue gem sounded shocked.

"I was wrong about fusion," Jasper said earnestly. She smiled. "You made me understand! Malachite was bigger and stronger than both of us!" Now that she said it, it didn't seem to come out right. She continued, trying to find the right words to express the way she'd been feeling. She latched on to one of their better memories. "We could fly!"

"Lapis, don't listen to her!" Steven called, and Jasper felt a flash of rage. This was none of Rose's business!

"Stay out of this!" She stood up furiously. 

Lapis looked down sadly. "I was terrible to you," she said. "I  _ liked  _ taking everything out on you. I needed to. I hated you!" She ran her hand over her face. For her, too, the words she wanted to say weren't coming out. "It was bad!" She finished clumsily. 

Jasper reached out to Lapis reassuringly. "It'll be better this time--I've changed! You've changed me!" She began to walk towards Lapis, wanting to hold her, make her understand somehow, but she was oblivious to how trapped and uncomfortable she was making the smaller gem. "Together, we'll be unstoppable!"

She could see the temptation in Lapis's eyes, and the sorrow. Something almost like an apology. A thousand conflicted thoughts passed over Lapis's face in an instant. She straightened up. "No!" She shouted.

"What?!" Everything about this was going so wrong. Jasper felt confused and hurt and angry.

"What we had wasn't healthy," Lapis was pitying but firm. "I never want to feel like I felt with you--never again!" Her voice softened slightly. "So just...go!"

"Lapis!" The pain Jasper felt was unusual, and she didn't know what to make of it.

"She said no!" Steven was behind her again. "Leave her alone!"

Jasper turned to him, still hurt and confused. She could feel, dimly, how Lapis felt about her, the sadness and regret and conflict and want in the smaller gem. Why was she rejecting her?

"This is your fault!" She concluded. "I'll shatter you!" Lapis gasped as she rushed at Steven. With a grunt, she pulled the water up with all her strength; however miserable she was feeling, she would  _ not  _ let Jasper take her anger out on Steven!

The water shot straight through the floor and deck of the boat, sending Jasper flying. Pity shot through the blue gem, but so did grim determination and pride.

"Lapis! You did it!" She grinned in relief to see Steven safe, and accepted his embrace. Unfortunately, the boat began to sink just as Greg ran out in a panic.

As she flew them both to safety, Steven said, "But hey, the ocean's really beautiful from up here."

Lapis sighed. "Yeah...it is."

*

Steven filled Peridot in when they got back to the barn. The triumph of the afternoon had faded by then, however, and Lapis felt a bone-deep sadness as the story was retold.

After Steven left, Peridot came over to her. "Do you...want to talk?" she asked awkwardly.

"Yes. No. I don't know." Lapis sighed.

"Well that clears things up," Peridot replied sarcastically. "I'm sorry Jasper followed you."

"I'm just so mad at her!" Lapis burst out. "She thinks she understands but she's just so wrong! I can't believe she asked me to fuse again!"

"That doesn't really make it any clearer," the green gem grumbled. 

"She--she thinks she wants to fuse with me," Lapis tried to explain. "But  _ I  _ don't think that's it. I think she feels like I do and is just too blockheaded to figure it out."

"How do  _ you _ feel?"

"I--" Lapis paused. Trying to explain this to Peridot wasn't much better than trying to explain it to Steven. "Since we've been unfused, I miss her so badly. I want to be close to her again, I want to…" she trailed off, blushing.

Peridot squinted. "But why do you want to spend time with  _ Jasper _ ? Even on the ship she was, well--"

"Infuriating?" Lapis smiled. "Yeah. I know."

A look of dawning comprehension came over Peridot's face. "I could never figure out why you agreed to fuse with her in the first place. But, well, I uh...I know something happened between you two. On the ship." It was her turn to blush. "You guys weren't exactly...quiet."

Lapis stifled an embarrassed giggle. "Sorry about that."

"Is  _ that  _ what you want from her?" Peridot's face became an even deeper shade of green.

"Yes, and no," Lapis sighed again. "I mean I do like 'that'. But...she can be nice sometimes, too. Gentle, even. And she does what she thinks is best, even if she goes about it the totally wrong way. Like...fusing. Fighting Alexandrite. Finding me on the boat. She thinks that stuff is for the right reasons, but she can't see where she's wrong. She can't see where it hurts other people. She thinks defeating the Crystal Gems by any means necessary would make her happy, would secure both of us a place on Homeworld. She doesn't see where Homeworld is  _ bad _ ."

"To be fair, she is doing the right thing by Homeworld standards. She  _ was  _ sent here to defeat the Crystal Gems. She's a Quartz--it's just a matter of following orders." Peridot said thoughtfully. "But now we see it differently, and she doesn't."

"I thought I got through to her, when we were fused," Lapis said softly. "That's what she said today, that I'd 'changed' her. And I think I did, a little. But if she really understood, she wouldn't have asked me to fuse again. She wouldn't have tried to hurt Steven." 

"Being upset that Jasper doesn't understand how you feel is like being upset that the Earth rotates," Peridot pointed out. "She wasn't built for feelings. That's not her purpose."

Lapis bit her lip. "I was so tempted to say yes...to go with her...but if I gave her what she wanted, she'd just use the power of Malachite. She hasn't changed enough."

"You thought about leaving the barn? Our meepmorps?  _ Me _ ?" Peridot was scandalized. 

"No, of course not," Lapis reassured. "I don't know what I was thinking. I miss her, but I'm being stupid. You're right. We haven't been any good for each other."

"I'm glad you came to your senses," Peridot said matter-of-factly. 

"Yes." Lapis took a deep breath. "It's time for me to move on. Be my own gem. Jasper...she can take care of herself. She can come to her own senses!"

"Let's not talk about Jasper anymore." Peridot searched around for the remote. "You still need to finish Camp Pining Hearts with me."

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Snippets (Part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Continued) imagined mental diary of Lapis, told as if she’s writing to Jasper and recounting her version of events just after “Alone at Sea”, during "Gem Hunt”, and “Crack the Whip”. She is struggling with her feelings for Jasper and her decision to reject her in "Alone at Sea", as well as disturbed by Jasper's increasingly violent and desperate actions towards Amethyst and the corrupted gems. However, she's starting to enjoy life at the barn with Peridot, tolerates the Crystal Gems, and is coming to realize that Jasper is no good for her unless she makes the decision to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Steven, Peridot, Amethyst (minor/mentioned: Greg, Garnet, Stevonnie, Pearl, Homeworld Rubies)
> 
> Place in timeline: Takes place over the course of episodes "Alone at Sea", "Gem Hunt", and "Crack the Whip"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jasper being a jerk, depressed/conflicted Lapis, Jaspis, Japis, wanting someone back (even though you shouldn't), masturbation, fighting, first person, mental diary, Lapis point of view, writing to Jasper

_ I had a feeling today would go badly, but I had no idea just how wrong everything would go. _

_ I've been missing you so much. I hate myself for it...you drive me crazy. You're brutish and single-minded and often, downright mean. We only got along before or after another fight. _

_ The Crystal Gems are kind enough to me. Peridot has turned out to be downright sweet. Steven is, of course, a joy to be around. _

_ I shouldn't want you. But I do. When you asked me to be with you today, I so badly wanted to say yes. _

_ Peridot and I have been transforming the barn, adding nooks and niches for ourselves, creating things out of the junk we've found. She calls them meepmorps. I can get lost in them--constructing new ones, looking at old ones, thinking up ideas for how to arrange the junk so that it says all the things I cannot say. _

_ I have a hammock that I've found I really enjoy sleeping in. It wraps around me and holds me, and I don't feel so unbearably alone. I lay in it and try not to think about your arms around me, the way you can easily bear all of my weight and surround me. You could crush me, but I know you can be gentle when you want to be...which isn't often. _

_ I think of you when I can't sleep. I reach between my legs and I think of everything we've done to each other. I bite my knuckles and try to still my shaking so that Peridot doesn't hear. _

_ I think of you when I finally rest. I dream about your glinting eyes, your rough hands, the sharpness of your teeth. I dream of you at the bottom of the ocean, looking for me. _

_ Maybe that's why I felt so apprehensive when Steven led me onto the dock. Of course Steven would bring me to the ocean, trying to help me abide it again. It's not the ocean that haunts me. It's you. _

_ Being so near the water, hearing its familiar sound, made me reflect, and I realized I am still not over you. It's not the horror of our fusion I miss. It's being close to you. _

_ Steven could tell something was wrong, and tried his best to cheer me. The more withdrawn I became, the more he tried to draw me out. _

_ When Greg tried to show me how to do fishing, I felt you, the dark heat of your aura. When the boat stopped with a coughing sputter, I already knew who had grabbed the rudder and stopped the engine. _

_ When you pulled yourself onto the deck, I could see in your face that you'd missed me too. The logical part of me was shocked that you'd been hunting me, rather than the Crystal Gems. The illogical part of me, the part that wants your touch in the dark, knew you'd find me this way. It's been my ultimate fear and my ultimate fantasy since we've been apart. _

_ Then, of course, you insulted me. Coming from you, I should've been flattered. You called me a monster...and you weren't wrong. You acknowledged my strength and my power. As clumsily as it came across, it was a nice change from being treated as delicate, someone to tiptoe around, a victim. Even if they meant well and you didn't.  _

_ When you got on your knees I realized how badly you must want me. Quartzes like you don't kneel before anyone but their Diamonds. But you couldn't acknowledge the truth of your feelings. You didn't realize you wanted me; you thought you wanted our fusion. My power.  _

_ I was tempted to go with you anyway. Maybe I really had gotten through to you, changed you; maybe with talk and time, I could dissuade you from your foolish notion that fusing and defeating the Crystal Gems would make you whole again. _

_ But then you tried to hurt Steven. _

_ If you'd really changed, you would have listened to what I told you, about my guilt, about wanting to be better, about never wanting to feel the way I did as Malachite again: cold, cruel, trapped, and alone with your misery and mine poisoning our minds. But you didn't listen, and I had to keep you from taking what you wanted--what you thought you wanted--by force. _

_ I'm sorry. I could feel, from your nearness, how much I hurt you. But you didn't understand and you didn't want to.  _

_ So I had to make you leave. _

_ I'm sorry. I still miss you. I still want you back. But you need to get better. If we are ever going to be together, we have to learn to be apart. _

_ * _

_ Having you so close sent me into another cycle of moodiness and regret. I know I did the right thing by rejecting you on the boat, but part of me is kicking myself, because I still miss you. I miss you in unsavory ways, and I have to admit, sometimes it's not your company I want, but your body. Who knew a Quartz like you would be so addicting. But I'm glad you don't know, because you'd just be smug about it, and your arrogance can be as unbearable as it is oddly charming.  _

_ The others must know you're still out there, and are probably trying to track you down. They don't discuss you around me, though. I think they believe I'll get emotional, or that I've been so tormented by you that I just want to forget you and move on. When I tried to explain that I missed you, they brushed it off as an effect of fusion. It's probably for the best. If they knew what kind of feelings I still have for you, they also probably would trust me even less with information on your whereabouts.  _

_ But luckily, Steven is very bad at subtlety. _

_ Today he let slip that he and Connie ran into you while they were tracking corrupted gem monsters up north. He said you didn't fight them, which surprised me, but that you were poofing the monsters and taking their gems. That made me uneasy. _

_ What are you planning? It's cruel, you know, to use corrupted gems; they don't know what they're doing. Worse, this doesn't sound like a good tactical plan from a loyal Quartz soldier; it sounds like you're losing touch. Like you're stuck on Earth but revenge is affecting your judgement, or you're desperate enough to make mistakes. The Crystal Gems won't show you much mercy, Jasper, and right now they're the only game in town. Don't make things worse for yourself. _

_ I feel guilty, as well, worried that being trapped in Malachite for so long has impacted your mind, or that you're lashing out desperately after I rejected you. Maybe if I'd agreed to go with you I could convince you not to do anything you'll regret.  _

_ But maybe that's too self-centered of me. Maybe you don't think of me at all. _

_ I made the right choice. Now it's your turn. _

_ Please, please don't do anything stupid. _

_ * _

_ Life in the barn with Peridot is simple, but nice. We mostly stay out of the way of the Crystal Gems and their missions, which largely consist of hunting and bubbling corrupted gems. And lately, you. I don’t get to hear a whole lot...they shelter Steven from most of their intel, and likewise, Peridot and me. Though I have a suspicion Peridot knows more than I get to. I think they’re still suspicious of me. I can’t say I’m surprised, after returning to Homeworld, and (inadvertently) bringing you lot back. And our fusion. That’s probably it, really. They take fusion very, very seriously. _

_ I’m not sure anymore if they avoid mentioning you to me because they think it’ll hurt me, or if they’re afraid I’ll return to you or try to help you in some way. I can’t say there’s any love lost between the Crystal Gems and I, but being condescended to is annoying. Besides, they should know better. I wouldn’t help you, especially not after what I heard today. _

_ Garnet and Pearl went looking for you up north after they ran into you hunting the corrupted gems. But you weren’t there; instead, you ambushed Steven, Connie, and Amethyst on the beach. Garnet is supposed to be able to see these things before they happen, so I wonder about that… _

_ Like I said, I’m not a fan of the Crystal Gems, and they annoy me more often than not, and I’d rather make meepmorps than fight their stupid battles. But I can’t believe how cruel you’re being! I know from our fusion that that’s not how you really are--or rather, I know you can be better than that. So why don’t you? Homeworld isn’t watching. Homeworld has probably forgotten us! I mean, they sent a bunch of Rubies--who are now on Neptune--for Stars’ sake! _

_ I mean, almost shattering Amethyst? That’s horrible! _

_ She came by with Steven for a visit. We were watching Camp Pining Hearts (surprisingly good), and Peridot was so excited to see Amethyst--they’re rather unlikely friends--but she was in such a foul mood after fighting you. Ha, I guess I can understand; you have that effect on people. But we showed her all of our morps and she just blew it off. I mean, I even danced, and she was not impressed. Then Steven told us why: she fought you, and lost badly. _

_ I mean, duh. I don’t know why she’s so upset. You’ve beaten all of them at least once; only Stevonnie and I have stood a chance at fighting you (and Stevonnie did it once; I did it for  months ). But they don’t realize that I’m the strongest gem yet. _

_ But Quartzes like you and Amethyst are notoriously unreasonable and emotionally constipated. _

_ Peridot has been trying to comfort her. She’s blunt and analytical, but has been really making an effort to take other gems’ feelings into account, including not mentioning you around me and convincing the others to do likewise. She’s almost comically bad at  not  upsetting people, though. _

_ For instance, today she showed Amethyst the Beta kindergarten. I think she just loves showing off her knowledge as a kindergartener. I happen to know how insecure you are about that place, but they don’t. Well, who’d’ve guessed, it just made Amethyst want to fight you more. _

_ Horrible idea. But no one listens to me. _

_ *** _

  
  



	8. Corruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I almost didn't write this chapter ("Beta" and "Earthlings" are such heartbreaking episodes and hard to watch!), but felt it was too important to Jasper's character arc to skip or only give Lapis's perspective. Oscillates between Jasper's and Lapis's points of view; Jasper fighting Amethyst/Smoky Quartz while keeping corrupted gems captive in the Beta kindergarten and Lapis back at the barn, killing time and mulling over her emotions (with some slight gratuitous smut). Rewatching these episodes and trying to picture the events from Jasper's point of view was enlightening, as it really hit me how confused and out of her depth she is, since she's steeped in Homeworld culture, still doesn't understand fusion, doesn't know what corruption really is, and believes Steven is Rose and has her memories. Her rage, pain, and sense of betrayal were made more poignant for me upon re-watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Peridot, Amethyst, Steven, Smoky Quartz (minor/mentioned: Pearl, Garnet, Rose Quartz, Pink Diamond)
> 
> Place in timeline: Takes place during "Beta" and "Earthlings"; includes immediately after "Earthlings" and beginning of "Back to the Moon"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, fighting, fusion, corruption, self-loathing, corrupted gems, masturbation, name-calling, finger fucking, trauma, meltdown, Jasper being a jerk

Jasper felt uneasy.

She tried not to think as she bent and broke metal, digging and widening holes in her old kindergarten, forming makeshift cells for her corrupted army.

But Beta had never felt like home; her memories of the place mostly stemmed from pain, fear, rage and shame. She remembered the amazing heat and rush of being born, but also the immediate horror of the Agates and Peridots as they shattered and quarantined so many of her malformed sisters. Ordinarily she shoved those memories back, preferring to focus only on the present and the mission ahead; however, fusing with Lapis had brought her past rushing to the forefront, dredging up feelings she’d rather forget.

Thinking of the blue gem did not improve her mood. She felt a sharp, painful ache whenever her thoughts strayed to Lapis, which happened more often than she was willing to admit. Her rejection on the boat still stung, and she raged at the smaller gem for refusing her even as she hated herself for wanting so desperately to fuse again. Jasper almost wished she could forget how amazing Malachite had felt, at the end of their time spent intertwined.

_ Fusion. _ It was another tactic she didn’t understand, not really; everything about this planet and the Crystal Gems and this mission left her feeling confused and out of control. On Homeworld, everything made sense; on other Colonies, her path forward was always clear. She’d had no reason to believe this would be any different: put up with Peridot, have some fun with Lazuli, destroy the pathetic remaining Crystal Gems and capture Rose Quartz if she was still alive. It should have been easy, quick, another victory under her belt before she returned home, or was sent to another planet.

But then she’d lost to that bizarre Ruby-Sapphire fusion, and Lapis...Lapis had tricked her. Malachite had become more than a tool of battle, and she’d endured months of unbearable, toxic intimacy with the smaller gem, only to emerge as a shadow of herself, desperate and craving Lapis’s power, her closeness. Jasper felt dependent in a way she never had before, and it unnerved her. 

There were too many questions still unanswered. Why was Rose Quartz taking on the weak form of that human boy--why did she fuse with another human to make herself stronger when she’d led a whole rebellion on her own? Why did she keep that fusion, the deformed Amethyst, and that renegade Pearl around her as guardians? Why had fusing with Lapis been so intoxicating, and why did she still want it? And what had happened to these other gems?

A growl and snarl brought her attention back to her captives. A few of these had been Jaspers, once, like herself. She looked over the creature, trying to find some commonality, some form of recognition, an indication that they were still gems beneath these twisted forms. But all she saw were beasts, no better than the organic life forms she’d destroyed on countless planets. They had their uses, but she felt queasy around them, disgusted by what they’d become.

She knew the Diamonds could mete out some truly terrible punishments to gems that strayed from their purpose, but this was unheard of, sickening. Jasper was ashamed to feel a flash of fear as she was forced to confront a darker side of what her rulers could do. Even shattering seemed better than...whatever this was.

One of the former Jaspers charged at her from behind the bars, and she jumped back as though burned. Scowling at herself and the creature, she kicked one of the bars holding it back. 

“Weak,” she sneered. “That’s why you’re like this. Maybe you were a Crystal Gem, and you got what you deserved. Or maybe you were Homeworld, but too weak and foolish to evacuate when they gave the order. If you were stronger, you wouldn’t be here.” The Quartz turned away, pinching the bridge of her nose as her head ached and her eyes swam. She felt claustrophobic in this place, the heat and stone and malformed holes holding misshapen, mad gems an unpleasant reminder of both her past and what she had been reduced to as this mission careened away from the way it was  _ supposed _ to go.

Jasper’s anger flared again, and she squeezed her eyes shut against the pain in her head.  _ What is happening to me?  _ Panic rose in her throat and she forced it down.  _ Why can’t I focus? _

She froze as the unmistakable sound of voices echoed through the canyon. 

_ They're here.  _ She scowled darkly. Time to teach these gems a lesson--once and for all.

**

As the credits rolled on the last episode of season 3, Lapis reached for the remote to switch off Camp Pining Hearts. A breeze rolled through the truck bed, and she considered what she could do on such a beautiful day.

Going to the Beta kindergarten had been out of the question. In fact, she didn't think Peridot should've taken Amethyst and Steven there in the first place; it wasn't her business, but she felt that Peridot's plan to make Amethyst feel better about being beaten by Jasper was foolishly optimistic at best. As for herself, she still needed time away from Jasper, and the things that reminded her of the other gem. She was hoping space and distance could help them both cool off. Maybe Jasper's rage would fade if she were given time to think things through; maybe she'd realize she was heading down a path of mistakes. Maybe Lapis would stop thinking and dreaming and fantasizing about Jasper and the things her tongue and hands and words could do to her.

Beta was the center of the other gem's oldest rage and shame, and to Lapis, going there felt indecent, like she would be intruding on the Quartz's private pain.

She scowled at herself. There she went again, thinking about Jasper. She hugged herself moodily, suddenly chilled by the breeze, aching and lost and lonely.

As she often did when Peridot wasn't trying to engage her, she retreated to her hammock, comforted by the way it clung to and surrounded her. She tried to drift off and doze, but the restless buzzing in her head and the pulsing between her legs kept sleep from enfolding her.

_ Stop thinking about Jasper,  _ Peridot would remind her.  _ It only makes you moody. How long can this fusion effect last, anyway?  _ The green gem would grumble.

But Lapis was alone now, and thinking about Jasper made her something else as well as moody.

Eyes still closed, she slid her hand under the waistband of her skirt, beneath the lace of her panties and to that sensitive throbbing spot between her thighs. She sighed to find herself already slick and swollen.

She traced the outside slowly with her fingertips, teasing herself and drawing out the feeling of need. She imagined Jasper's smirk, her significantly larger fingers, the way she might tease and taunt along her skin.

_ Do you want me, Lazuli? I should make you beg. _

Lapis groaned as she imagined her rough voice, the way her own anger and desperation would flare, the way the other gem could shake loose her pride and make her give in to her want.

_ You're so wet. I could slide into you so  _ easily,  _ brat. But that's what you want, isn't it? Do you think I should just give that to you, or make you earn it first? _

"Please give it to me," she whimpered softly. Being alone in the barn had its perks.

She imagined that sharp, barking laugh.  _ Slut. All right, I'll go easy on you. I'll give you what you want. _

Lapis moaned as she slid her own fingers inside herself, pumping in and out roughly. She kept her thumb over her clit, the intensity of the sensation a shadow of what the larger gem could do, but her own fantasies made up for it and left her gasping and shaking.

_ Come for me, whore. _

_ Did you hear me? I'm not gonna let up. Not until you're a fucking mess, Lazuli. _

_ I told you to come, bitch. _

And then she did, crying out and arching her back so hard she was almost ejected from her hammock. Dazed, she withdrew her soaking fingers and reached up to stabilize its rocking. She ran a hand through her hair with a groan. Her attempts to avoid dwelling on Jasper while the others were at Beta had utterly failed.

_ Oh well _ , she thought ruefully, lying back and relaxing into the hammock's swaying.  _ At least I can sleep now. _

**

“You used to be a Quartz, too, didn’t you?” She addressed the corrupted Jasper, but made sure her voice carried. She wanted the others to hear her; if she could get them angry, insecure and off-balance, they’d be easier to manipulate, easier to beat in a fight. “What happened to you?” The creature snarled and strained once more against its prison.

“Ugh! Disgraceful,” Jasper sneered. “I can’t believe I’ve resorted to recruiting you freaks. You’re almost as bad as that crystal runt.” She heard Amethyst’s growl of anger from behind her and smirked. The other gem was so predictable. “Just look at you. This planet ruins everything. Well--” she laughed. “Except for me.” The Quartz listened to the frantic whispers behind her, and heard Amethyst climb up to an outcrop, trying to ambush her. Pathetic. Didn’t she realize she didn’t stand a chance fighting her one-on-one?

“I’ll never let this planet twist me like it twisted you,” she continued. “Your weakness embarasses Homeworld. You suffer because it’s what you deserve. We all only get what we deserve. Right, Amethyst?” She turned her gaze to the smaller gem, who cried out and fell from the ridge she’d been scaling.

“What do you want, runt?” Jasper grunted. “You here for a rematch?”

“I’m here to win!” Amethyst was already shaking with fury. It was hopeless, but Jasper respected her tenacity.

“You were fated to lose the moment you came out wrong,” Jasper scolded. 

“That’s not true!” Rose panted as she raced to catch up to them. 

“Rose, of course,” Jasper growled. “Your lackeys never stray far. And why would they? They have no place in this--or any--world!”

“What do you mean?” Rose asked.

_ Why am I explaining this?  _ Jasper wondered.  _ Every gem should know this. Every gem is born knowing this.  _ Maybe it was because these gems were defective? “Every gem is made for a purpose--to serve the order of the Diamonds. Those who cannot fit inside this order must be purged! To come out misshapen, to reshape yourself outside your purpose, and to defend this ruined, worthless planet is a disgrace!”

“This planet isn’t all bad,” a third voice chimed. They all turned to see Peridot peeking out from a cavern.

_ Ugh. How did I end up in this mess?  _ “What are  _ you  _ doing here?” The Quartz was getting fed up with the confusing turn of events. 

“I--” Peridot leapt out from her hiding place “I’m a Crystal Gem now!” she yelled, before ducking back behind the sandstone.

_ Enough of this nonsense.  _ Jasper summoned her weapon. Rose did the same.

“I’m not afraid of you!” Peridot shouted, sounding very much afraid. “I’ve got metal powers! I’ll show you!” With a grunt, the green gem attempted to summon a bent metal rod from one of the holes. It twitched weakly. “In a moment…” she gasped. Amethyst brought a hand to her eyes, mirroring the exasperated, pained gesture Jasper had made moments earlier.

“Anyone else got something to say?” Jasper asked sarcastically. She wasn’t sure how many of these crystal freaks to expect.

“No! It’s just us.” Rose replied.

“Ugh! You guys!” Amethyst looked furious. She tossed Rose back. “Stay out of this!”

“Amethyst!” the boy protested.

“It’s just you and me, Jasper,” she drew her whip in challenge. “One on one!” Drawing back, she struck the larger gem with a blow to the face before summoning another whip.

_ Finally. At least she has honor.  _ Amethyst struck Jasper again, flinging her against the rough stone wall. 

“Go Amethyst!” Rose cheered.

“Who’s the runt now?” The purple gem taunted. “You ready for more?”

Jasper growled and started forward. She let Amethyst hit her once more without garnering a reaction, knowing it would shake her overconfidence. Sure enough, Amethyst began to look worried. “Th-There’s more where that came from!” She hit Jasper again and again, but aside from sliding her back a few paces, her attacks had no impact. The larger gem almost felt pity for her opponent when she realized Amethyst was putting all she had into the blows.

Frustrated, the purple gem cracked her whips until flames shot across them. She maneuvered into a spin attack, charging Jasper furiously in a cloud of smoke. Coughing, she sat up from where she’d been thrown, already exhausting herself. “Huh?” she gasped.

Jasper stood unmoved. “Is it sinking in yet?”

“Are you serious?!” Amethyst was outraged.

Jasper kicked her forward. “You never had a chance,” she said, moving in to finish the smaller gem off.

“Heads up!” Rose threw her shield, hitting an injector and sending it crashing down between them. Jasper pounced back hurriedly.

“I can’t win,” Amethyst despaired. “No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, she came out right, and I came out wrong.”

“That’s just what Jasper thinks,” Rose sounded exasperated. “She’s the only one who thinks you should be like her.”

“But--” 

“Stop trying to be like Jasper!” the boy shouted. “You’re nothing like Jasper! You’re like me--because we’re both not like anybody! And yeah, it sucks,” Jasper tossed aside the injector, interrupting them, but he continued. “But at least I’ve got you. And you’ve got me. So stop leaving me out of this.”

“Us worst gems stick together,” Amethyst sniffled. “Right?”

“That’s why we’re the best,” Rose laughed, and held out a hand. Amethyst took it, and as they pulled into a hug, there was a blinding flash of light. Jasper jumped back, shielding her eyes from the glare.

From the smoke emerged a strange new hybrid gem, large and smoky gray, with an unruly thatch of curls and three lopsided arms. “What a beautiful day!” it cried, to Jasper’s shock and horror.

“Huh?! Who are you supposed to be?” She sputtered.

“Oh yeah, who am I now?” The other gem wondered. “I feel like Amethyst knows this.”

“Forget your name, you’ve got a fight to win!” Peridot yelped.

“I think a Rose Quartz, and an Amethyst,” the gem mused, withdrawing a shield and whip. “Make a--” they wrapped the whip and shield together to form an odd tool. “Smoky Quartz!”

Jasper groaned inwardly. “Is fusion the only trick you crystal gems know?”  _ I'm so fucking tired of fusions! _

“I’ve got plenty of tricks,” Smoky Quartz retorted, then continued to spout nonsense as they hit Jasper again and again with their new weapon. Peridot began to laugh, and against her best instincts, Jasper started to lose her temper. She charged forward in a spin attack. Smoky Quartz avoided it swiftly, and Jasper crashed into the sandstone, cracking the foundation of the canyon and releasing the caged gems trapped there.

“No! My army!” She began to panic. Peridot’s laughter and teasing continued to contribute to her blind rage.

“Take that! Then take this!” The green gem yelled. She went back to fruitlessly concentrating on a stick of metal, and Jasper sneered.

One monstrous Jasper had not escaped, and Jasper rushed towards it, feeling desperate. Smoky Quartz knocked her down again, stopping her in her tracks.

_ If only Lapis were here,  _ she thought despairingly.  _ If only she would be Malachite with me.  _

A new, horrible idea occurred to her. The thought sickened her, but sadness and panic and rage and the horrible, aching emptiness that engulfed her like a tidal wave since she and Lapis had separated were twisting her thoughts and driving her to desperation.

“I will not be beaten by another fusion!” she screamed, and moved to merge with the caged creature.

“What the--” she heard Smoky Quartz say, before a feeling of terror overcame her.

Jasper knew immediately that she’d made an awful mistake. Fusing with the corrupted gem was  _ nothing  _ like being with Lapis; instead of another being, her mind was overwhelmed with rage and pure animal fear. She couldn’t think straight, and thoughts and feelings merged confusingly into a swirl of pain. But she was larger, stronger; growling, she charged at her opponent.

“Hold on,” Smoky Quartz rambled. “I’ve got a move that will really blow you away.” Jasper struggled forward in the fusion as they twirled their weapon, creating a current of air that pushed her back. “It’s cool if you don’t like it--I’ve already got three huge fans!”

A cyclone swept the corrupted fusion into the air, provoking a scream. Jasper felt raw panic as the beast she was tangled with separated from her and fled.

“We could beat them...if we stay together!” she grunted. But it was too late. They unfused, and fell through the cavern below. The corrupted gem immediately fled, and Jasper, aching in body and mind, felt a familiar pang. The look of anger and sadness on Lapis’s face as she punched her off the boat swam unbidden into her mind.

“Nobody I fuse with ever wants to stay,” she murmured. She began to laugh, hysterically, swells of emotion overcoming and sickening her. "Ugh," she panted as pain began to spread through her. She looked down in horror as circular, blue-green marks and spines emerged from her swollen arm.

_ Malachite's color,  _ she thought dazedly, before fear set it.  _ What's happening to me?! _

Smoky Quartz gasped, a look of terror on their face. 

"Ew, that's disgusting," Peridot sneered.

"It's--corruption," Smoky Quartz glowed as they unfused in a panic. 

"Steven! Be careful!" Amethyst shouted as Rose hurried to approach Jasper.

"But this just happened!" The boy sounded tearful. "Maybe I can do something." He held up his hands in a gesture of goodwill. "Jasper, it's okay. I'm here."

"Rose…" Jasper panted. The pain was unbearable, and a thick haze of confusion was clouding her thoughts. 

"I'm not Rose, I'm Steven," said the boy. "I just want to try and heal you." He licked his hand and came at her.

Jasper lashed out with a growl, clawing at the boy and knocking him back. The others gasped, and Peridot resumed attempts to manipulate the metal. She sighed, finally giving up and rushing down to help the others.

"Stop!" Amethyst shouted, running to Steven's aid.

Jasper felt agony as her physical form twisted and changed, undergoing some sort of horrible transformation. Fear flooded her but anger rose to the surface, anger at Rose and the Crystal Gems and the way that they'd doomed her, this planet, and everything she fought for.  _ Now  _ Rose wanted to show her mercy? As she was bending and breaking?

She laughed bitterly. "I see how you do it now, Rose," she panted. "You want gems after they're worthless. You wait until after they've lost," with a pang, she realized how that now described her.

_ What if that's not what happens? What if you destroy the Crystal Gems, avenge Pink Diamond, and nothing on Homeworld changes? Vengeance won't bring her back. What if nothing changes for you? _

Lapis's words echoed in her mind. Now she'd never know if the other gem had been right. She'd lost her last chance.

"Because when you're at the bottom, you'll follow anyone," she continued. The changes swept more quickly now over her body. "That makes  _ you  _ feel like less of a failure."

"Ugh, just look at this one--" she gestured at Peridot. "You've stripped her of everything--her limb enhancers, her status, her dignity. "

"I still have one of those things," Peridot retorted.

"How can you side with Rose Quartz?!" Jasper's anger flared once more. "Why? Why protect this useless shell of a planet?"

"It's not a shell," said Peridot. "There's so much life. Living here--that's what I'm doing! I'm  _ living  _ here! I've been learning new things about myself all the time, like how I can make metal do my bidding." The bar she'd tried so hard to bend finally fell with a clang. "The point being," she continued, "Earth can set you free."

_ She sounds just like Lapis.  _ Jasper felt a knife twist in her heart. The corruption continued to spread.  _ That's exactly what she said to me, when we were fused, when we were Malachite, when we were together.  _ That old pain joined in with the new agony she was engulfed in.

"Earth...is a prison," she gasped. "I got out because I'm better than this place."

"It's getting worse," Rose fretted as spikes erupted from Jasper's shoulders painfully.

"I only came back to finish you off," she growled.

"Try not to move," the boy pleaded.

Jasper erupted in fury. "You can't manipulate me, Rose Quartz!" She stood.

"I-I'm not manipulating," Steven pleaded. "I'm trying to help."

"Help? Help?! I've been fighting from the second I broke free of the Earth's crust," her body swelled and grew, "because of what you did to my colony, because of what you did to my planet, because of what you did to my Diamond!"

"I--Yellow Diamond?" Rose sounded confused.

Panic and agony and shock swept through Jasper. What sort of cruel trick was Rose playing? Why would she deny what she'd done? How could she still bear to taunt her, to rub her greatest shame and defeat and sadness in her face, even as she was on the brink of losing herself?

"My Diamond! Your Diamond! Pink--Diamond!" She cried. The transformation overtook her, and she felt her thoughts slip away as her body exploded and bestial rage and fear took over. With a growl and a snarl, she charged her enemies.

Then--searing pain. Peridot's arms were outstretched and they all looked down to see the metal spike that had lodged in Jasper's twisted form.

And just like that, she was gone.

**

Lapis had just roused herself from her hammock when she heard the sound of a landing ship. Blearily, she rubbed her eyes, trying to shake off the remnants of the awful dream she'd been having. The details had faded from her mind, but echoes of rage and pain and sadness and endless, orange heat remained, disorienting her.

"Where are they?!" She heard an angry--and unmistakable--voice.

Sure enough, as she rushed down in a panic, she saw the group of Rubies assembled and furious.

_ I need the Crystal Gems,  _ she thought. In the meantime, she drew water from their smaller than average lake and trapped the Rubies in bubbles, keeping them floating and kicking but otherwise immobile.

The others must've seen the ship enter the atmosphere, or maybe Garnet had seen into the future, because she and Pearl raced over from where they'd arrived by warp.

Moments later, the warp chimed again, and Lapis was relieved to see Amethyst, Peridot, and Steven striding over to them.

"The Rubies are back?" Steven exclaimed.

"They showed up on their little ship acting very angry," Lapis explained, "So I put them in time out."

"I thought we were done with these guys," Steven grumbled. "Why did you come back here?"

"Let's release one and just ask what they're up to," suggested Garnet. 

Steven picked the one he had christened Leggy, and Lapis let her down with a splash.

"I'm Steven," he introduced. "What brings you back go Earth?"

"Uhh...I don't know?" Replied Leggy.  _ Rubies,  _ Lapis thought with a disgruntled eye roll.

One by one, she let them down, but they either couldn't or wouldn't talk. The last Ruby finally burst out with it. "Where's Jasper?"

_ Oh, duh,  _ Lapis thought with a pang.

"Tell us where she is right now! No games, no tricks, and no slick disguises!"

"Yeah!" The other rubies chimed in.

"Hey!" A familiar gruff voice rang out, and Lapis jumped. "I'm right here!"

She looked over, heart pounding, only to see a large...purple...Quartz. She scowled.  _ What a disaster _ .

Pearl seemed to share Lapis's misgivings, but just as she was voicing them, the Rubies cried out in glee. "Look, it's Jasper!"

Lapis watched Amethyst's poor imitation of the other gem with morbid curiosity and disgust. Why had she allied herself with gems who couldn't come up with a decent plan?

Her mouth fell open as Amethyst struggled to negotiate with the Homeworld gems, finally agreeing to file a report for Yellow Diamond and escort her 'prisoners' to the moon base. As they boarded the ship, Amethyst smirked and gave Pearl a pat on the backside that was her only convincing imitation of Jasper yet. She approached Lapis and Peridot.

"Hey, you guys wanna be prisoners too?" She asked.

"Not really," Lapis deadpanned. She drew the line at baseball.

"All right, just checking," she winked and followed the others inside.

As the ship launched, Lapis shook her head and turned towards Peridot. "Okay, what in the world was  _ that  _ about?" She paused. "Wasn't Amethyst just upset about Jasper?"

"Not anymore," Peridot smirked.

Lapis was perplexed. "You mean going to Beta actually  _ worked _ ?"

"Well--" Peridot started to look uncomfortable. "A-Actually, what happened...it's really complicated, but…"

"Peridot? Did something happen?" Lapis's voice rose in panic. "Was Jasper  _ there _ ?"

"Y-Yeah, she was," Peridot stammered. "You know what? Never mind. It's over now, we don't have to talk about it, you don't have anything to worry about--"

"Peridot!" Lapis cut across her loudly. "Oh my stars, are you guys okay? Did anyone get hurt? Is--is Steven all right?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, we're all fine," the green gem held her hands up in reassurance. "Everyone is fine. Well--" she smirked again, "--not Jasper, but--"

"What are you saying?" Lapis could her her pulse pounding in her ears. She suddenly felt very far away.

"Jasper's gone," said Peridot, "So you don't have to worry about her anymore."

"Gone?" Lapis heard her voice echo above the buzzing panic in her head. "What do you mean,  _ gone? _ "

Peridot's smirk vanished and she started to fidget in discomfort again. "W-Well--she--I--she was there, when we got there. She had all these corrupted gems in cages. Amethyst wanted to fight her--Steven and I tried to stop her, but we couldn't! Jasper was beating Amethyst--she was calling her all these names, blabbing on about Amethyst being defective, Earth being terrible, yadda yadda--and Amethyst really tried, but you know how Jasper is, she's too strong. Steven and Amethyst fused--"

"They WHAT?" Lapis yelped.

"Yeah!" Peridot was excited now. "They were so cool! They made a gem called Smoky Quartz, and their weapon was a giant yo-yo, and they kicked Jasper's butt! It was amazing!"

Lapis winced. She knew how Jasper felt about Beta, and fusion, and what it must have been like for her to lose to Amethyst and Steven. She felt a flash of pity for the larger gem, even as she could not excuse her actions. "What happened then? Did they capture her?" But she had seen no sign of Jasper when the trio had returned to the barn. Her heart sank. "Did they bubble her?"

"Um, this is where it gets weird," Peridot continued. "And gross. Jasper must've been really desperate...she fused with one of the corrupted gem monsters." The smaller gem shuddered. "It was  _ awful _ ."

"She...she…" Lapis gasped, feeling an icy fist clench around her heart. "Why would she...she wouldn't...how could she  _ do  _ that?" Her anger flared. "Did what we had mean NOTHING to her?" She burst out.

"You know Jasper," Peridot rolled her eyes. "She'll do  _ anything  _ to win. But it backfired on her, big-time. Anyway, even with a monster body, Smoky still beat her, and the corrupted gem unfused and ran off. And then Jasper got all angsty, like 'No one I fuse with ever wants to stay', and then she…Lapis, are you okay?"

The blue gem felt as though the world was crumbling around her. Her head spun and she groaned, falling to her knees.

"Lapis?!" Peridot sounded panicked.

"What--what happened next?" Lapis asked.

"I don't think we should talk about this anymore--you look really upset--"

"Peridot." Lapis grimaced, grabbing the smaller gem by her shirt. "What. Happened?"

Peridot looked alarmed. "She--she started to change. It was the corruption. It's like, contagious or something, I guess from fusing. Steven tried to help her, to use his healing powers, but she wouldn't let him. She kept calling him Rose, going on and on about being worthless, about how mad she was about the rebellion and Pink Diamond." The green gem scowled. "I can't believe she was still on about that, it happened  _ eons _ ago. But then she was totally corrupted, and she turned into this giant monster, and she charged at Steven! But--Lapis, this is the best part--I used my metal powers, and I poofed her with a spike!" Peridot beamed with pride. "Now she's bubbled in the Temple with the other corrupted gems."

In a daze, Lapis let go of Peridot, and sat backwards onto the grass. She raked her fingers wildly through her hair. "No," she murmured, "no no no no no." 

Peridot's smile faltered, and she sat next to Lapis, putting an arm around the blue gem. "Hey," she said softly. "It's okay. We're safe. You're safe now. I saved us."

Lapis choked back furious tears and her body shook. "How could she?" She gasped. "How could she...I can't believe she...she's corrupted?  _ Gone? _ " 

Peridot nodded. "For good, it seems like. No one knows how to reverse corruption." She frowned. Lapis wasn't reacting right. "Aren't--aren't you relieved? Aren't you glad we're safe?"

Dimly, Lapis knew she needed to get ahold of herself, to quell the tempest of emotion inside of her. What had she expected, really? That Jasper would come around? That she'd realize she was wrong, apologize, and come live with them in the barn? She knew better--Jasper was the most stubborn gem she'd ever encountered. Of course she'd do anything to win a fight. Even if it meant losing herself.

_ How stupid could I be?  _ Lapis wondered in despair.  _ If I had been there...if I had gone with her on the boat...if we hadn't been Malachite for so long...would she have done this? _

Now she'd never know.

"I-I'm sorry, Peridot," she wiped away an anguished tear. "That was so brave of you," she hugged the green gem. "I'm so glad you're okay."

Peridot sighed with relief. "Thanks. I'm glad you stayed behind. It was so dangerous!"

Lapis pasted a tremulous smile on her face, trying to mask the anger and pain and pitiful sadness she felt. It was time for her to get over Jasper, to forget about her, once and for all. The Quartz had made one too many mistakes, and now she was paying for it. It wasn't as though she hadn't gotten what she deserved, even if the thought of never seeing her again felt like it would rip Lapis in two.

"Peridot? I-I need some time alone. I'll be in my hammock, okay?" She worked to keep her lower lip from trembling.

"Yeah, of course," Peridot gave her one last squeeze, her smile fading ever so slightly. "Take all the time you need."

She watched as the blue gem ambled up to the barn, concerned. Maybe she should talk to the Crystal Gems about Lapis's reaction, once they were back from the moon; surely fusion effects didn't last  _ this  _ long.

Up in the barn, secure in her hammock, Lapis sighed. Holding herself tightly, she gave into her sobs, one last indulgence before she let the other gem go.

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	9. Snippets (Part III)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the final "Snippets", diary-style Lapis first-person chapter. Contains Lapis's thoughts and feelings just after learning about Jasper's corruption, as well as her account of events in "Gem Harvest", "The New Crystal Gems", and "Room for Ruby". I wanted to sum up these episodes without doing the play-by-play and explore Lapis's feelings a bit more, especially as she confronts her own dark side, depression, fear, memories of Homeworld, and desire for/fury with Jasper while also trying to build a new life at the barn with Peridot. After this there's only one more chapter before we get to post-Change Your Mind events (so stoked!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Peridot, Steven (minor/mentioned: Jasper, Greg, Andy, Connie, Homeworld Rubies, Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, Blue Diamond)
> 
> Place in timeline: Takes place just after "Beta/Earthlings", "Gem Harvest", "The New Crystal Gems", and "Room for Ruby"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis missing/angry at Jasper, corrupted Jasper, depression, anxiety, first person, mental diary, Lapis point of view, writing to Jasper

_ This is my last entry to you. It's the last, because you're not here anymore.  _

_ I don't know what I expected, really. I should've known you would do something so stupid, to destroy them or die trying. That's what you always said you would do. So why, why did I hope for better? _

_ I know you better than anyone. I knew you could be better. I knew you could be someone kind, someone gentle, someone who had been hurt and who was just trying their best. I guess I figured one of these days you'd just...I don't know. Lose a fight. Come to an understanding. Realize Steven is not Rose, realize Homeworld is fucked up, realize you've been a jerk. Come live in the barn with Peri and me. _

_ How stupid could I be? _

_ I was distracted when they first came back from the Beta kindergarten; those Rubies were back, looking for you and furious at being tricked. I trapped them in bubbles of water until the others returned. _

_ Amethyst impersonated you. It was seriously the worst. Of course, the Rubies fell for it, and everyone except Peri and me absconded to the moon, of all places. _

_ That's when Peridot told me what happened. Oh, Jasper, she was so proud to have beaten you! Poor thing--I think she thought I'd be thrilled. _

_ I was devastated.  No , I thought,  no no no no no.  I collapsed. I started crying, yelling. It scared her. _

_ She tried to reassure me; she thought I was upset over you almost hurting her, Amethyst, and Steven. I pushed her away.  _

_ I've been in my hammock, crying off and on since then, angry at her, angry at you, angry at me.  _

_ I'll never forgive you for this. Fusing with a corrupted gem? Jasper, how could you be so stupid? Is fusion that meaningless to you? Did fusing with me mean  nothing  to you? And now you're corrupted, bubbled, gone. Even if I wanted to see you, talk to you...you wouldn't recognize me. You're beyond any of our help, even with Steven's healing powers. And I have to pretend everything is okay. To them, you're just another threat, neutralized.  _

_ Steven is pretty upset about it. Peridot said he tried to help you, and you just gave a speech about Pink Diamond and Earth and being worthless. My heart breaks for you. I know how deep that hurt goes for you. But even at the end, you couldn't accept he wasn't Rose. You couldn't accept his kindness. _

_ Peridot thought I'd be relieved that you're gone, and I should be. I shouldn't be anything but mad at you! But all I feel is this ache, and you're gone. _

_ You're gone for good. _

_ * _

_ I’m not as stupid as you, but I guess I’m still pretty dumb, because I’m still thinking these thoughts for you. You’re deep in the Temple, corrupted and bubbled, and mostly I don’t dwell on what happened between us, but some days I still wish you were here. I wish I could talk to you. _

_ Isn’t that ridiculous? Even at our best, we were always fighting. What could I possibly say to you that I can’t say to Peridot, or Steven, or even the other Crystal Gems? They’re kind, supportive, and great listeners--all the things you weren’t. _

_ But here I am. I’m not always entirely honest with them; I can’t always mask my darker thoughts or put my past behind me. They’re always going on about the transformative powers of Earth, the ability to reinvent yourself here, to be free. And I’m trying, I really am. You knew my innermost thoughts; you felt the depth of my pain. You couldn’t let everything go, either, and it haunted you, to the point where your emotions led you down a path no one can follow. You infuriate me, but you do understand some things that I just can’t explain to the others. _

_ Steven came to spend the night with us recently. We’ve really transformed the barn, not just with meepmorps and our sleep and TV spots, but we turned the land around it into a farm. Being a Kindergartener, Peridot really missed growing gems. We can’t do that on Earth, since it will kill the planet, but lots of things grow on Earth without draining all of its resources, like plants. We decided to try farming vegetables. Peri and I had a really good set-up going, where she used her metal powers and some of the old junk to make equipment to prepare the land, and I can use my water abilities to care for the plants. We were so excited for our first harvest! _

_ What we didn’t know was that vegetables don’t naturally become sentient beings. Peridot was hoping they’d be like the Earth version of gem soldiers, and I have to admit, more company outside of just Peri and I or occasional visits from Steven and the others would be nice. It gets so quiet in the country, and Peri and I get along great, mostly, but sometimes I long for other companionship. _

_ It turns out that Steven is the only one of us who can make living plants. Remember those watermelon people you hated? Maybe it’s because he’s half-human? But I don’t think other humans can do that...it’s odd. Well, he made us a pumpkin! Peri thought she’d done it, at first, but it kept going to Steven so he fessed up. We were disappointed, but when Steven gutted another of its kind, Pumpkin decided she favored us. She’s not much of a conversationalist, but she is a nice pet to have around. _

_ Things got weird right after that. Another Greg-like human, this one called Andy, flew into our yard in some sort of primitive flying vehicle. He started yelling and stomping, so I grabbed him with the pond and Peri set her attack drones on him. Steven is much more forgiving, though, so he insisted we put him down and he called Greg and the other gems. _

_ Apparently, Andy is part of Steven’s family. I think it’s weird. Humans have families even if they don’t like them or have never met them. Garnet said it’s almost like how gems are cut from the same vein; some humans come from the same veins. Or something like that. He wanted to kick us out of the barn--he said it was “his” even though we’d never seen him there!--so I was all for attacking him again, but Steven insisted we reach a compromise. _

_ Garnet and I harvested lots of our vegetables while Peridot and Pearl built a cooking device, and we made a meal. But it had to be bigger to impress Andy, who still kept shouting, so all of us gems except Steven and Amethyst went and retrieved items important to the human lifespan: a marriage cake, birth balloons, and a death stone with Andy’s name on it. He came around, even if he didn’t get our corn-themed jokes. He gave us the barn, but he got all moody about it and flew away. I flew Steven up to chase him down, and in true Steven form, he made him happy enough to come back again. So I guess we’ll have another human visitor sometimes. _

_ Our attempts to teach Pumpkin to talk rather than bark, however, are still fruitless. _

_ * _

_ Something really serious happened recently. Peri and I were minding our own business out at the farm, when Steven and the Crystal Gems showed up in a panic. Greg had been  kidnapped  by Blue Diamond! I mean, of all the humans she could’ve taken, why Greg?! But she was always a little odd. I know it’s treasonous to say it, but it’s true; the Diamonds  aren’t  as perfect as they want us to think. Besides, I’ve committed so much treason at this point, I guess saying something like that isn’t the worst of it. _

_ Peridot got the Ruby ship ready for them, and they made their way to the Human Zoo. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to go, to see space and Gem worlds again. But Garnet tasked us with protecting Beach City while they were gone, and I know that if the Diamonds and their guards found me again, I’d be shattered for sure: for living on Earth, for befriending Peridot and Steven and the Crystal Gems, and for everything I did to you.  _

_ My memories of the Diamond court are hazy now, as it's been so long. I remember being born, from a vein of Lapis Lazuli on Homeworld, and knowing that I belonged to Blue Diamond. I remember other Lapises, the water games we used to play, coming together to terraform planets, being able to manipulate whole rivers and oceans to get at the resources for new gem colonies. Blue Diamond was not a bad ruler, but her emotional storms made her court unbearable at times, and she did not hesitate to shatter anyone who displeased her, which created a climate of fear, and we all learned to scheme and manipulate and hide our true natures in order to keep in her good graces. I even remember her fondness for Pink Diamond, and the balls and parties she would throw. It was such a different kind of life. _

_ Things are simpler and duller here, but the predictability can be a comfort. I am still fearful, though, thinking about the Diamonds and what they might do to us and the planet. I wish the Crystal Gems wouldn't antagonize Homeworld so much, but I know Greg is very important to Steven, and he would not be able to leave him in space. _

_ So instead of joining the mission to the Zoo, Garnet gave us a mission to protect Beach City. We weren't sure where to start, so we went to Steven's house. Peridot showed me the bathroom she used to live in and Steven's 3rd best friend, Connie, showed up with a sword, saying  she  was supposed to protect Beach City! I didn't think a human would be up to the task, but Peridot realized we could each take on the role of a Crystal Gem. She assigned herself Garnet, since she always wants to be in charge, and I was supposed to be Amethyst and Connie, Steven. Pumpkin was Pearl but Peridot should've been Pearl--they're  so  alike sometimes.  _

_ It was going well, at first, but not a lot of danger happens to the people of Beach City when the Crystal Gems aren't around. I couldn't really get into the role of Amethyst, we don't have a lot in common. Connie figured we could run the car wash, which actually suited us well, since Peridot could lift the cars for me to wash them.  _

_ I don't know why I'm telling you this. Even if you were around to hear it, you wouldn't care about stupid human things like washing cars or telling jokes. And it turned out to be a disaster. Peridot got overzealous, as usual, and no one understood my humor, and Connie--let's just say she's no Steven. We got in a big fight, then realized we were better off just being ourselves, rather than trying to replace the Crystal Gems. We made a new sign for the car wash and fixed the mess we'd made. _

_ When the others came back after a successful mission in space, they were pleased. Greg was rescued, the Diamonds and Agate were fooled (undoubtedly through some harebrained Crystal Gem scheme--but, oddly, they do work), and Amethyst got to meet her gem family. She even said there were a few Jaspers and Carnelians from Beta, can you believe it? _

_ I wonder if you'd be relieved and glad or sickened and ashamed to know some of your sisters are still alive. You were the only one to escape the stigma and shadow of Earth, but in the end, even that caught up with you. _

_ * _

_ Ugh. We had another gem from Homeworld around recently, and she deceived us pretty well. Actually, she deceived Peri and Steven--I was not so easily swayed. _

_ It was one of the Rubies who'd come looking for you. Her gem was in the middle of her stomach, so Steven nicknamed her Navy. He showed up with her one day and said she wanted to live with us in the barn! _

_ Peridot was all for it, but I was hesitant. You know how I feel about Rubies. And anyway, she'd just been fighting us! It didn't make sense for her to want to live with us, without even getting to know who we really were. _

_ I mean, I still feel weird about Earth, and I don't always agree with Peri and Steven, and I don't always enjoy being around the Crystal Gems, and I don't always know how I feel about you or Homeworld or the war or being trapped here. It's taken me so long to come as far as I have. And this Ruby, just...loves everything and everyone? Instantly? _

_ We tried teaching her about Earth, since it can be confusing and off-putting compared to the constancy of Homeworld. But she just kept 'loving' everything. Steven and Peridot were so pleased. I started feeling pretty bad, like, they were so proud of her for her bright and chipper attitude, for how quickly she seemed to adapt. She was the opposite of how I felt, and I began to think there was something wrong with me. Feeling jealous and insecure, I lashed out. _

_ That's when I realized there really  is  something wrong with me. I can't let go of the past. I feel deep sadness and fear more often than I'm happy. I get moody, and petulant, and withdrawn, and instead of opening up, I shut down and take it out on everyone else around me. _

_ Sound familiar? You called me a brat, and a monster. Sometimes I think it's true. Maybe that's why I write to you...sometimes, I  am  just like you. Or at least, you'd understand how I feel, why I can't just talk it out and paste on a smile like the others. _

_ I apologized to the Ruby, since again--how I felt was not her fault. She wanted to see her old ship.  _

_ We got inside, and she took off, instructing Steven to press a button in the back. And ejected us out of the spaceship! The whole time, she'd been pretending to like Earth, pretending to want to join the Crystal Gems, just so she could steal back her ship and get her revenge on us. _

_ We fell into the ocean, and she escaped. _

_ Peridot and Steven were disappointed, but I was relieved, glad, even. I wasn't the only one who couldn't adjust, who couldn't move on, who thirsted for vengeance. I mean, there's you of course, but I can't see you or talk to you and let's face it, you fucked everything up. It made me realize that it's okay for me to feel bad sometimes, and be angry or sad or scared. It's okay that I'm taking so long to enjoy life here. _

_ And that's what I'm determined to do: enjoy life here. I'm not going to lose control and sacrifice myself, like you did. I'm not going to go back to Homeworld and grovel before the Diamonds like that Ruby. Even if it takes a thousand years, I will be better. _

_ *** _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. Time and Space

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a Lapis-heavy chapter (Jasper is still corrupted at this point). It starts with a purely imaginary scene in the Temple featuring Lapis and Garnet, then recaps "Raising the Barn" and "Can't Go Back" from Lapis's point of view, focusing on her fear, sense of loss, and depression as she struggles between leaving her friends behind and facing the Diamonds. This is the final chapter before we take a clear and swift departure from canon into post-CYM territory! 
> 
> **Now that we have a definite date for SU: Future and since the remaining chapters (most written before the movie came out) aren't canon compliant, I will be posting new chapters Tuesdays and Fridays.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Peridot, Steven, Garnet, Pearl, Amethyst (minor/mentioned: Jasper, Blue Diamond, Yellow Diamond, Homeworld Rubies)
> 
> Place in timeline: Takes place just past "Room for Ruby", over the course of "Raising the Barn" and "Can't Go Back", up until "Change Your Mind".
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Lapis, Jasper, Jaspis, Japis, depression, anxiety, loss, trauma, corruption, leaving friends, Moon Base

As the Ruby exited the atmosphere in her reclaimed starship, Lapis felt giddy. She had been  _ sure  _ there was something not quite right; no one could be that well-adjusted, that adaptable so quickly! She laughed so hard she snorted. The disappointed, bewildered looks on Peridot’s and Steven’s faces only made her laugh harder.

As they emerged from the waves and stepped onto the beach, Garnet stood waiting for them. She held two balloons, fittingly red and blue; one said “Welcome to the Party” and the other said “Sorry for Your Loss”. With one look at their faces, she popped the first and kept the second. 

_ Must be that future vision,  _ Lapis thought, smile fading. She knew Sapphires couldn’t see the exact future, only its possibilities and probabilities. But future vision had made her uncomfortable even as far back as Blue Diamond’s court. The Diamond had relied on it too often to ease her troubled emotions, and Sapphires who were incorrect were often punished for the anxiety they caused her. These prized gems were also very cold and aloof, not likely to mingle with the other court gems.

“Come up to the Temple,” Garnet said. “Since you’re already right here.”

They followed her up to the beach house, Steven and Peridot excited, Lapis anxious. She could handle the Crystal Gems now in small doses, but being in their domain made her uncomfortable. The Temple itself was mysterious, private. Peridot had spent more time there, and as such, she could afford to relax.

They ascended the steps and entered the house. Lapis recognized this part from her time as a Crystal Temp; Peridot had eagerly shown her where she’d once been held prisoner. But behind the familiarity and the warp pad was a gem door, and it made the blue gem uneasy, though she couldn’t exactly pinpoint why.

Pearl and Amethyst were on the couch, playing a board game. Lapis could tell from Pearl’s disgruntled expression that Amethyst had been cheating. She had the rule book spread out on her lap. “Now, Amethyst, I don’t think you  _ can  _ move your token there—” she broke off as they entered.

“Pearl, Amethyst, nice to see you,” Peridot said smoothly.

“Hey, look who’s here!” Amethyst leapt up, clearly eager to avoid Pearl’s lecture. “Usually we visit you guys. What brings you this way?”

“It was Navy!” Steven exclaimed. At the confused looks on Pearl and Amethyst’s faces, he clarified. “One of the Homeworld Rubies. She said she wanted to live at the barn with Lapis and Peridot, but it was all a trick to steal back her ship!”

“Oh my,” said Pearl, looking alarmed. “Are you two okay?”

Peridot scowled, but Lapis grinned. “I knew something was up,” she said smugly.

“Well, at any rate, the barn won’t be crowded,” Pearl consoled. “Isn’t that what they say? ‘Three’s a crowd’?”

Peridot opened her mouth to reply, but Amethyst cut her off. “Hey! You’ve never been inside the Temple before!” she shouted excitedly. “We can show you our rooms!”

“ _ I’ve  _ been in the Temple,” Peridot scowled. “You kept me in a bubble there.” She shuddered. “I’ll go see your room, but only as long as we stay out of that horrible place.”

“Cool, come on!” Amethyst hopped off the couch and led them eagerly toward the door. Steven and Peridot followed excitedly, then Pearl and Garnet. Lapis fell behind, her foreboding growing. 

The purple point on the star glowed, and the door parted in a sticky S-shape. They stepped into a vast cavern, glittering with crystals and pools of water. “You guys will love my room,” Amethyst continued. “It’s full of junk.”

Pearl rolled her eyes, but Peridot gazed around in awe. “We could make so many meepmorps, Lapis!”

“Hm? Oh...yeah,” Lapis replied with a half-hearted shrug. She felt nervous and distracted, though she had no clue why. Amethyst’s junk truly was a sight to behold, but she found herself more drawn to the pools of water that littered the cave. She didn’t notice, but Garnet glanced over at her with a slight frown.

“Let’s go see  _ my  _ room,” said Pearl haughtily. “It’s much neater.” Peridot rolled her eyes.

They gathered around a pool, and Pearl took a graceful swan dive. Amethyst cannon-balled in after her, and the rest followed. 

They floated to the surface of another pond, this one forming the top of a regal column of floating water. Other columns surrounded them, filling the space with the gentle  _ hush  _ of flowing water. They could also hear the gentle tinkle of a piano in the background.

Peridot gazed around, mouth agape, but Amethyst just shrugged. “Lame, right?” she teased.

Pearl frowned. “As you can see—” she danced, causing a neat circle of swords to rise from the water. “Everything here has its place.”

Lapis felt as though she were still underwater. The others’ voices seemed to come from far away, and she felt an odd buzzing in her head. She found herself falling further back, the way they’d come, and when the others were focused on another item in Pearl’s collection, she slipped beneath the water.

She emerged once more in Amethyst’s room, and found herself drawn to a different pool. She felt dazed, and not entirely in control of her actions. She supposed this must be what sleepwalking felt like.

Lapis dipped one foot into the pool, then the other, and then lowered herself under fully. She fell into a dim, warm space, with rusty red walls and a pool of lava bubbling menacingly in the center. Thick, veinlike tubes surrounded the ceiling where she’d fallen in.

The cavern was filled with floating bubbles, each holding a gem.

_ The bubble room _ , she thought in wonder. This is where Peridot had been trapped--where she was afraid to return. Lapis gazed at the gems around her, each subdued, hidden within their own sphere. One in particular caught her glance.

The sharp angles and glowing orange color were unmistakable. She felt her heart swell with longing and misery, bone-deep sadness and reckless elation.  _ Oh, Jasper,  _ she thought sadly. Her eyes prickled with tears.  _ Look at the mess you’ve got yourself in. _

Dreamily, she pulled the bubble down. She held it in her hands, staring transfixed at the gem within. This gem had caused her so much pain, so much ecstasy, so much anger, so much horrible overwhelming desire. If she popped the bubble, what would happen? Would Jasper emerge, twisted and monstrous? Would she even recognize her?

She bit her lip, suddenly tempted to find out. 

“Lapis Lazuli,” a deep, calm voice echoed behind her. “Put that back.”

The blue gem whirled around with a start, and blushed deeply to see Garnet watching her. She felt the haze that had surrounded her evaporate with a snap. Her hands flew up in shock, and the bubble floated to its place alongside the others.

“G-Garnet,” she stammered. “I—”

“It’s okay,” Garnet reassured. “I know this place can hold...a certain fascination.” She stepped forward, placing one hand on Lapis’s shoulder. The Ruby hand. “She can’t hurt you anymore.”

Lapis unclenched, feeling her body relax and her shoulders sag. “Garnet, it’s not that,” she sighed. “I--I miss Jasper. I still...I still long for her, sometimes.”

The fusion frowned. “Jasper was awful,” she said bluntly. “She was awful to you, and to Steven, and to us. It’s time to let her go.”

Lapis felt her anger flare. “She wasn’t  _ always  _ like that!” she retorted. “She sometimes...when we were fused, I...I’m the one who understands her!” her voice broke. “She’s the one who understands  _ me. _ ”

Garnet’s frown deepened. “I understand fusion can feel that way,” she said patiently. “It’s the ultimate form of intimacy. It can feel like no one else has felt that way. But you must be assured--this is a side effect of fusion itself. Malachite was not healthy. You and Jasper were not good for each other.”

"I don't want to fuse with her," Lapis protested. "I just...want to see her again. Talk to her."

"You need to move on," Garnet's voice held and edge, but she took off her visor to look at Lapis empathetically with her triple gaze. "She cannot talk to you as she is. I know you need closure, but you won't find it here."

The water gem's eyes filled, and tears spilled down her cheeks. "She really wouldn't recognize me?" she whispered. "She's really...she's totally...gone?"

Garnet gave her a long, searching look. Then, she spoke, her voice deep and commanding. "Pearl."

There was a small splash, and Pearl came through the pool in which Lapis had arrived.

"Garnet? You called?" Pearl brushed herself off. "They're in Amethyst's room again, playing in that mess," she grumbled, then glanced up, looking surprised to see Lapis. "Oh!"

"Lapis would like to see Jasper," Garnet explained.

Pearl's eyes widened and she looked at the bubble floating above them in alarm. "Surely you're not thinking of--?"

"No, of course not," said Garnet. "She just needs to  _ see  _ her."

"I see," Pearl looked at the water gem curiously, but did not ask any more questions. She pulled Jasper's bubble down, sighed deeply, and closed her eyes.

Her gem glowed, and a cone of light emerged, projecting a three-dimensional image. It was of a corrupted gem, orange and greenish blue, roaring and tossing its spiked head in pain and confusion. Lapis recognized the gem where its nose should have been.

She clapped her hand over her mouth, stifling the sobs that threatened to escape. Garnet nodded, and Pearl released the bubble, causing the image to vanish.

"Thank you, Pearl," said Garnet. "That will be all."

Pearl gave one last worried glance towards Lapis, and opened her mouth as if to say something. She closed it again as if she thought better of it.

"I'll-I'll make sure the others aren't getting into too much trouble," she said, and left the room.

Garnet turned back to the blue gem, whose face was in her hands. "You see?" She asked, "Jasper can't talk to you in this form."

"It's horrible," Lapis croaked. "How could she…?"

"Jasper made her own choices. She threatened this planet, our friends, and the values of the Crystal Gems. She made a mockery of fusion. She corrupted herself," Garnet's tone was bitter, harsh. "She got what she deserved."

"No," Lapis whispered. "No one deserves that."

Garnet's expression softened once more. "Even if that's the case, she's better off here now," she consoled. "Here she's safe. She can't hurt herself, or anyone else, and she's dormant, at peace." She wrapped an arm around the blue gem. "Maybe one day she and the other corrupted gems will return to themselves, and she will learn from her mistakes. But this is the best we can do for them right now."

Lapis nodded. "I'm sorry I came here."

Garnet smiled slightly. "I understand. Now, leave Jasper in your past. There's nothing you can do for her and she was no good for you. You have Peridot, and Pumpkin, and the farm. Leave her behind."

"You're right," Lapis wiped her eyes. "I need to let go of...of this. Let's go."

Garnet nodded solemnly and led her out of the Temple. But Lapis could not resist one last, lingering glance before the door sealed shut.

**

"Can't you just call him?" Lapis whined. She bit her lip, unable to silence the anxiety that had plagued her since she'd heard about Steven's capture.

"He hasn't answered yet. He's probably just ignoring us," said Peridot brightly. "He's back on Earth. He's probably busy with the Crystal Gems." She placed her hand on Lapis's arm reassuringly. "Everything is  _ fine. _ "

"What if he lost his phone on Homeworld?" The note of panic in her voice hadn't faded.

The green gem suppressed an eyeroll and the biting comeback she longed to say to her friend. Lapis had been jittery and on edge since she'd heard Steven was on Homeworld, and Peridot struggled to bite her tongue and remain patient through her roommate's stormy moods and taciturn demeanor.

"If it makes you feel better, I'll call, okay?" Peridot pulled out her tablet and swiped Steven's number.

Lapis held her breath as it rang, but to her relief, Steven answered before it went to voicemail.

"Oh...hi Peridot, hi Lapis.” For some reason, Steven sounded disappointed that it was them.

“I  _ told  _ you he’d answer,” Peridot said smugly.

“It’s so good to see you! I’m glad you’re okay,” Lapis smiled, but her heart still pounded with dread.

“Lapis was worried you lost for phone on Homeworld,” Peridot babbled, “But I said, no way! He’s probably just ignoring us--” Steven blushed guiltily, and Lapis felt her heart sink. Why was he embarrassed? What was he hiding? What had happened on Homeworld?  _ It’s something too bad to tell us,  _ she thought anxiously.

“Sorry guys,” he said, looking crestfallen. “There’s been...a lot going on.”

“Like what? Tell us!” The green gem demanded eagerly.

“Well, Connie’s really mad at me--” Steven began. Peridot cut him off.

“No no no no! Tell us about  _ space, _ ” she said.

“And start from the beginning,” Lapis interjected. She was tired of not knowing what was going on, especially if it pertained to Homeworld and the Diamonds.

“Okay,” Steven shrugged. “I was trying to protect Beach City, so I surrendered myself to Homeworld, and I was put in a big empty room, and I ended up on trial in from of the Diamonds!”

“On trial?! In front of the Diamonds?!” Lapis shrieked, grabbing the iPad from Peridot. Even her trial had been before an Agate; the Diamonds themselves had questioned Steven?

“You were in front of Blue Diamond?” she continued, shocked and angry. Even as a 6,000-year-old supposed traitor from Earth, who might’ve possessed secret knowledge of the rebellion, Blue Diamond hadn’t bothered to be at her own trial. She felt rejected and stung.

“And Yellow,” Steven continued, oblivious. “But it’s okay. I escaped in a Palanquin, and went underground, and--”

“You  _ ran _ ?” Lapis gasped. “From Blue and Yellow Diamond?”

“Yes?” Steven looked confused.

Lapis turned to Peridot, pulse thundering in her ears, her anxiety reaching record heights. “Peridot,” she ordered. “We have to leave Earth.  _ Now. _ ” She ended the call.

“Wait, what?!” Peridot yelped. “What was that for?” 

Lapis struggled to remain calm, but inside she was panicking. “We have to leave,” she reiterated. “If the Diamonds themselves would kidnap and try Steven... _ both  _ Diamonds...and after all they’ve done to try and destroy Earth, this long after the rebellion, everything we’ve done--helping the Crystal Gems, tricking the Rubies, what we...what I...what we did to Jasper--” she tugged at her hair. “They’re bound to come for us!” 

Peridot looked alarmed. "L-Lapis, calm down. I'm sure everything will be fine. Steven got out, and we have the Crystal Gems, and we've bubbled the cluster."

"How can you say that?" Lapis began looking around the barn frantically, wondering what they'd take. "You know what the Diamonds can do! What if they blast Earth again? Do  _ you  _ want to end up corrupted?"

“Wait,” Peridot held up her hands, trying to reason with her friend as Pumpkin barked at their heels. “We can’t leave. What about all our crops?”

The warp chimed, and Steven came running up. “Guys?”

Lapis groaned inwardly at her persistent, foolish optimism. She was treating her like she was crazy. She rubbed her face in exasperation. “Ugh,” she sighed. “The vegetables will have to deal.”

“Okay, okay,” said Peridot. “But, uh, we’re only halfway through our rewatch of CPH Season 4,” she laughed nervously.

_ Are you serious?  _ “We’ll bring the boxed set with us.” Lapis was trying hard to be patient, but her frustration was showing.

“But how are we gonna watch it without the TV?” Peridot protested.

The blue gem threw up her hands. “We’ll bring the TV.”

“Lapis? Peridot?” Steven’s voice distracted Lapis for a moment, and she brightened. “Oh! Steven! Good. Let’s go.”

“Wait, what?!” Steven sounded just as surprised and worried as Peridot.

“We’ll find some remote spot in the universe to hide out in. The Diamonds will never find us.” Lapis explained reassuringly. Why couldn’t they get with the plan?

“Lapis, don’t worry,” said Steven. “They’re looking for me on Homeworld. They don’t know I’m here. We’re safe.”

Peridot immediately perked up, but Lapis was still anxious. “Yeah!” Peridot chimed in. “C’mon, we’ve gotten away with worse. They’ve never been able to hunt  _ me  _ down for my many crimes against them.”

“This is different!” Lapis burst out. “Steven is important! And our transgressions are piling up.” She narrowed her eyes and clenched her fist. “They’re going to take their anger out on this planet, just like they did before. I can’t--” she dug her fingers into the green gem’s shoulder. “I won’t let myself get caught up in another war,” she said darkly. Pumpkin cowered behind Peridot.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Steven looked down sadly. “But I won’t ask you guys to stay if you don’t feel safe. If you have to go...I understand.”

Lapis settled into a resigned sadness. “Right,” she sighed. “Peridot. If you want the TV, levitate it over here.”

“Hey, um--” Peridot ran inside and grabbed one of their morps, a halved globe with a medical dummy and silk plants spilling out of it. “What about our meepmorps we’ve made? We can’t leave them behind--” she overbalanced and the morp fell.

“We’ll bring them too,” Lapis felt her annoyance rise again.

“But,” Peridot’s voice was shrill with panic. “They’re installations! They need the context of the barn. If-if we move them they’ll become…” her voice dropped. “Performance pieces.”

“There’s no need to get so emotional!” Lapis shouted, feeling flashes of rage course through her. Peridot frowned and stepped back. 

“You’re right,” the green gem agreed hurriedly. “I’m sorry.”

Steven placed a hand on her shoulder. “It’s okay. Performance art isn’t bad, just misunderstood.”

Lapis felt guilty about her outburst. “Hm,” she said, trying to keep it together for her friend. “Maybe I can do something.” She stepped forward and raised her hands, concentrating. She felt power thrum through her and in the air around her as she pulled the water from their lake up through the ground, neatly slicing a ring around their home.

“Gah! Our smaller-than-average lake!” Peridot exclaimed.

The water gem used her power to lift the barn and circle of ground it sat upon. “There,” she said, satisfied. “Now we can bring our whole life with us. You, me, and all of our things.”

But Peridot still didn’t look happy. “Right,” she said, shifting her gaze to the side. “Right.”

“Great! Then let’s get going,” Lapis prepared to take off.

“You’re leaving right now?” Steven looked crestfallen. “I...I don’t know what to say.”

Lapis looked at him sadly, her eyes filling with tears. She leaned down to hug him as he sniffled. “Goodbye, Steven,” she said gently. “Good luck.” She turned to her friend. “Peridot? Don’t you wanna say bye?”

A tear glimmered in the green gem’s eye, as well. “Uh…” her voice wavered. “Um…” she gasped. “Wait! Where’s Pumpkin?”

“She’s not inside?” Lapis asked.

“She was just standing next to me!” Peridot exclaimed. “We have to find her!”

Lapis brought the barn back down for a moment. “I’ll check from above,” she said decisively. “Peridot, you search the ground.” She shot into the sky, looking down anxiously for any sign of their pet. “Pumpkin? Pumpkin!” she called.

**

She sighed in sudden relief as she saw Peridot and Steven approach the barn with Pumpkin in tow. Lapis landed gracefully next to them. “Oh, great!” she grinned. “You found her! Now let’s go.” She stepped towards the barn, lifting it into the air, oblivious to how nervous and shaky Peridot looked.

“Wait...Lapis?” the green gem began tentatively. “Pumpkin doesn’t wanna go.”

The blue gem glanced over her shoulder. “Pumpkin doesn’t know better,” she dismissed. “We do.”

“Actually, I...I don’t wanna go either.” Peridot mumbled.

“What?!” Lapis wheeled around and the barn fell with a crash. A frightened Pumpkin yowled and hid behind Steven. “Peridot--what are you trying to say?”

“It’s just, if something happens on Earth, I wanna be here for it!” the green gem exclaimed passionately.

“But…” Lapis was perplexed. “No! Why are you telling me this  _ now?” _

“Because we’re about to leave!” Peridot shouted.

“Isn’t that the worst time?” 

That guilty , miffed look returned to Peridot’s face. “...Yes.” she replied. 

“Then, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Lapis felt her heart sink. 

“There are many things I  _ should  _ say, but they would upset you, so in general I...don’t...say those things?” Peridot shrugged, her face beaded anxiously with sweat. Lapis felt a pang of guilt and anger as she realized her friend was afraid of her.

“Peridot, that’s lying!” she accused.

“Okay then,” Peridot gasped. “The truth is...I think that we should stay, and if the time comes--if the Diamonds do come to wipe this planet off the star maps--I think we should fight for this life we’ve built instead of tearing it up out of the ground! I think we can win,” she smiled tremulously. “I think you can win. Earth is our home now,” she held out her hand. “Isn’t it worth fighting for?”

Lapis clenched her fists tightly, feeling her heart pound and her palms sweat. She felt guilty for the way she’d obviously let Peridot down, angry with the green gem for not opening up to her, annoyed and baffled by her ridiculously optimistic view of their chances against the Diamonds, and gut-wrenching sadness knowing that this was the end of their life together. She couldn’t understand how Peridot would want to fight for this planet when it was such a place of pain and rage and depression and isolation.

“What do you say, Lapis?” Steven asked tentatively. But he and Peridot already looked dismayed at the dark, stubborn expression on the blue gem’s face.

“I’m not getting caught in the middle of another war,” Lapis hissed through clenched teeth. She turned away, unable to bear the disappointment on their faces.  _ I’m a coward,  _ she thought miserably.  _ I’m not as strong as they think I am. _

Before she could have second thoughts, before they could try to convince her to stay, she spread her wings and lifted the barn into the air. She wasn’t sure where she’d go, but anywhere would be better than Earth. 

“Wait, no!” Peridot shouted. “You’re supposed to reward me for my emotional honesty!”

Lapis cast one last anxious, torn glance back down at her friends, burning with guilt. Before she could have second thoughts, she clenched her eyes shut and shot herself and the barn through the air.

_ I guess this is goodbye. _

**

She had just reached the outer reaches of Earth’s atmosphere when the regret hit her like a gut punch. Frozen tears glittered in the corners of her eyes. Lapis didn’t regret leaving Earth; she felt she had no other choice, and besides, her happiest times on the planet were far outweighed by the eons of misery she’d experienced there.

At least, that’s what she told herself.

But she did regret how she’d treated her friends...how she’d treated Peridot. She’d been panicked, angry, and she had lashed out. Just like she always did.

_ I guess I learned nothing from Malachite, either. I guess I never got better. I guess I’m the same brat, the same coward, the same  _ monster  _ I’ve always been. _

She could have fled Earth without taking the barn, without uprooting their whole lives, without leaving Peridot with nothing except a big, empty, barren crater. 

_ I think we should fight for this life we’ve built instead of tearing it up out of the ground! _

Lapis choked back a sob. Now she struggled to carry the barn, the meepmorps, their lake, their life--things that would only be a reminder of her weaknesses as she hid out somewhere in space. She’d been rash, emotional; she hadn’t thought this through.

Anger flared again.  _ How could Peridot be so stupid? How could she stay behind, risk punishment from the Diamonds themselves? _

The water gem pictured again Jasper’s twisted, beastly form, her confused, corrupted fury, and shuddered.

How could Peridot--how could any of the Crystal Gems--risk such punishment?

And, more importantly, where would she  _ go? _

She made it just outside of the Milky Way before loneliness gripped her like an icy fist. Could she really leave this galaxy--could she really stand not knowing what happened to her friends, for the rest of eternity? Against her initial instinct, she began to fall back, her wings beating more slowly as indecision gripped her. Trying not to think too hard about what she was doing, she turned around. Where, where could she be safe  _ and  _ happy?

As if to answer her question, the Earth’s moon loomed bright and large. Lapis felt its gravitational pull as though it were calling to her. She bit her lip--was it too close to Earth? But the moon had been a Diamond base, long ago. It would have gem structures she could use...and if anything happened to Earth--to her friends--well, she’d know about it. One way, or another.

Besides, the barn was  _ so  _ heavy. At the very least, she could rest before moving farther out to safety.

That’s what she told herself, anyway.

**

She was engrossed in the orb: for the upteenth time, she immersed herself in life in Beach City, a silent shadow, watching but unseen, untouchable.

_ Safe. _

Lapis knew she should move on, find somewhere further away, more remote, forget about Peridot and Steven and the Crystal Gems and Jasper and Earth. But since discovering the observation capabilities of the moon base, she’d been unable to tear herself away. It was so easy to watch, entranced, imagining herself living a life of freedom on Earth without putting herself physically in harm’s way. She was actually beginning to enjoy the planet’s beauty from a remove, her distant perch giving her the space to work through her painful memories and emotions without being overwhelmed by them.

The space and time provided some relief, but she was still surrounded by this aching, empty loneliness. She didn’t know why the other gems seemed so easy to adapt, why, even in dark moments, they could turn towards the light; in her own dark moments, she curled into a ball, sobbing, reliving her worst memories, drowning in her own fear.

_ What if what if what if what if-- _

Always, in the back of her mind, was the feeling that she’d never be good enough, never be strong or brave enough, to escape that relentless voice. When the sadness and loneliness suffocated, she hid in her hammock, or curled up on the base, lethargic and numb. When anger at the Diamonds, at Steven, Peridot, Jasper, the Crystal Gems, Earth, her pain, her fear, her memories, and most of all,  _ herself _ threatened to consume her, she flung moon rocks, exploded in bursts of water, and flew in circles around this cold dull rock until she could calm down. In moments of bittersweet nostalgia, she watched the Earth and her friends, lost in fantasy, trying to escape the reality in which she’d imprisoned herself.

One day she was sitting before the orb, observing the boardwalk, watching the humans as they walked and laughed and went about their daily business. She was so absorbed that she didn’t hear the portal, didn’t hear a familiar voice calling her name, didn’t hear the footsteps behind her.

“Lapis!” That voice finally burst through her consciousness, and she jumped with a gasp, recognizing Steven. Embarrassed, she moved to hide the scene she’d been immersed in.

“Steven!” Lapis exclaimed, standing guiltily in the darkened chamber of the moon base.

Untethered by the moon’s gravity, Steven bounced towards her, enfolding her in a warm hug. “I can’t believe it!” he exclaimed. “It’s so good to see you again!”

“Oh,” Lapis replied awkwardly, her shoulders rising to her ears and her arms folded across her chest. “Really?” She gave him a small, timid smile.

“What’s going on? I thought you’d be halfway across the galaxy by now--aren’t you worried about the Diamonds coming to attack?”

Lapis looked away sheepishly. “Actually, I got...distracted.”

Steven craned his neck to look behind her. “By this orb thing? What is it?” He asked curiously.

“Promise you won’t judge me?” The blue gem sighed.

“I sleep with a teddy bear--no judgements.” Steven smiled.

Lapis touched the orb with her fingertip, and it glowed, filling the space with cool light. She selected a particular spot on the globe and suddenly the sights and sounds of the boardwalk surrounded them.

"Beach City?!" Steven cried. "Please explain this to me!"

Lapis averted her gaze. "This orb is an observation device. The Diamonds use them to watch activities on their colonies from afar." She touched the globe again, and they were in the forest. 

"Wow," Steven breathed. "Can I try?"

"Sure," Lapis agreed.

He touched the orb, and Mask Island materialized around them. "But, Lapis...what are you using it for?"

Lapis frowned and hurriedly switched to the shore in front of the Temple. The Crystal Gems and Peridot were there; Peridot levitated cans into the air as each gem aimed for them with their weapons. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl laughed and joked as Peridot became demanding and flustered. It warmed the water gem's heart to see them behaving both so endearingly and predictably. 

"You're spying on us?" Steven blurted.

Embarrassment came crashing back. "Well I wouldn't call it spying," she rubbed her shoulder. "Because that would make me feel bad."

"Oh, Lapis…" Steven's voice dripped with sympathy.

"I couldn't stand not knowing what was going on." Lapis admitted. "I'm still terrified of the Diamonds coming to Earth--but I got just outside the Milky Way and I felt so lonely."

"So...why didn't you just come back?"

Lapis started. "I want to, but...I just can't. Not after the way I left. What would Peridot say?" What if the Diamonds show up? What if something  _ bad  _ happens?"

"Well, what if something  _ good  _ happens?" Steven challenged. 

Lapis laughed. Was Steven being naive--or was she the fool?

"Um, Lapis? Are you okay?"

Lapis began to sing. Her voice, sweet and sad, tried to convey to Steven the rift she felt within herself. The images of Earth flashed in and out, the ancient mechanisms powering the globe showing their age.

Quietly, they sat in the light of Earth's sunset, Lapis's voice fading, Steven's eyelids drooping.

"I might have overreacted about the Diamonds," Lapis admitted. 

"You really think they're coming?" Steven asked.

"I don't even know anymore," Lapis groaned. "I've done so much because I was afraid. I left Peridot behind. I took the barn, and her morps."

"Hey, at least she has Pumpkin," Steven reassured. Lapis sighed.

"I was so sure the Diamonds would destroy my new home, that I did it myself. It's like I'm back inside the mirror, except I put myself here." She explained ruefully.

"Oh, the moon's not so bad," Steven yawned.

"Are you kidding?" Lapis burst. "The moon sucks! There's nothing here!" She sat back. "Maybe I'm tired of running away. Maybe I'd rather be with everyone and be in danger than be safe--and alone."

"They'd be glad to have you back," Steven volunteered. 

"I don't know. If I went back now, there's no way things could go back to how they were."

"Yeah," the boy counseled. "But that's all right. Things would just be different."

"What do you mean?" Lapis asked curiously.

"Well, what if you weren't way out in the country? You could drop the barn on the beach, then we'd all be neighbors. I'd come over to borrow a cup of sugar, and you'd be like, 'What's that'?"

They laughed. Lapis was beginning to feel better, like she could go back, like going  _ home  _ might not be...so bad.

Steven yawned again. "When you go back, we should all hang out more," he murmured.

"Hm...when...I go back," Lapis mused. She smiled as Steven snored beside her.

Suddenly, he began to twitch and moan in his doze. He cried out.

"Steven?" Anxiety crept into Lapis's voice as she startled. "Are you okay?" Her friend looked terrified, panting and sweating. "Were you dreaming?"

"I…I saw the Diamonds," Steven gasped. 

Fear gripped her. "What? What are you talking about?"

"I dreamt about them," he explained. "They were right in this room."

"What does that mean?" Lapis's voice began to rise. "Are they coming?" 

"I..I don't know…" Steven still seemed fuzzy, confused.

"What if they are? What if they're close? Why else would you see them? Steven!" Panic engulfed her like a tidal wave, and she began to think that her thoughts of returning to Earth were nothing more than foolishness.

But he couldn't or wouldn't answer.

"Ugh!" The water gem ran, hating herself, hating her fear, hating her indecision.

"L-Lapis! Hold on!" Steven called after her.

She raced through the base, opening the moon door with a touch of the Diamond panel. Steven cried out as the vacuum of ssd pace dragged him forward, and his pet lion held him back by the jacket. Lapis's mind buzzed as she was overcome with the desire to flee.

"Where are you going?" He called.

"As far from Earth as I can!" Lapis shouted. "I'm leaving! You should be used to that by now."

"You don't have to run, Lapis," Steven pleaded. "Just--stay with us!"

"I don't know what I was thinking," Lapis snapped. "I'm not like you and your friends, Steven. I can't just let go of what happened to me. I can't go through that again." 

"Would you rather be alone?" Steven yelled.

Lapis looked at him in anguish. "I'm sorry," she murmured. She turned, opened her wings, and fled, trying to drown out Steven's pleading as it faded into the distance.

**

Once again, she hadn't made it very far before her second thoughts kicked in. Her heart sank as she realized she'd overreacted once more, fleeing in fear at the expense of her own happiness.

She flew until exhaustion hit, at a loss as to where she might go. Galaxies beyond the Milky Way had ceased to tempt her, and her heart was inexorably pulled back to the one planet she'd tried so long to escape. 

After a few days of hiding out in the crags of an asteroid, rent with indecision, Lapis reluctantly turned around.

The moon waited for her, round, cold, and glowing. Once more, she settled herself on the domed silo roof of the barn, and turned her teary gaze to the stars. 

Lapis fell back into somewhat of a routine; she felt herself as a shadow, watching the stars, observing Earth, taking in the minuscule changes of the moon. She wondered if she wouldn't become a statue, with the slow, steady dullness of the landscape around her. When she entered the moon base, the images of the Diamonds seemed to taunt her.

Then, she felt a sudden change.

The vacuum of space seemed charged with sudden energy, and then it sort of  _ bent  _ in a disorienting way. Lapis startled, heart pounding, thinking inexplicably,  _ this is it. _

And it was: two ships had materialized around Earth, one yellow, one blue.

_ The Diamond ships!  _ She gasped.

Fear seized her once more, but two her shock, another emotion began to burn through it: pure, white-hot rage. She hadn't felt anger like it since Malachite.  _ How dare they. How dare they take my home. They have their own home, countless colonies--this is just revenge. Just finishing what they started. _

It was as if the tiny voice that always lingered in her head, warning her, stoking her fear, was silent.

_ I'm not running away,  _ she thought grimly, focusing her power on the barn and lifting it into the sky.  _ Not this time. _

_ *** _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Healed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes place just after the corrupted gems are healed in "Change Your Mind". Starts out from Lapis's perspective but most of the chapter deals with Jasper's point of view as she struggles with the changes wrought by her corruption and her actions, and the new, post-CYM world order. She tries to make sense of it all and become cordial with Amethyst, Bismuth, and the other Quartzes as they build temporary dwellings for the healed gems in the kindergartens while Little Homeworld is being planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Peridot, Amethyst, Bismuth (minor/mentioned: Steven, Pearl, Garnet, Ocean, Biggs, Snowflake, healed gems, Diamonds)
> 
> Place in timeline: Just after the healing of the corrupted gems in "Change Your Mind"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jaspis, Japis, Lapis, Jasper, post-CYM, not canon, Quartzes, corruption changes, corruption dick, healing, trauma, nudity, masturbation, apologizing is hard

Elated didn’t begin to cover the way they all felt. Nothing had happened yet--hell, they didn’t even know for sure this would work--but the mood was already celebratory. Steven was confident, and after everything they’d just been through, the rest of the Crystal Gems followed his lead.

_ I can’t believe I’m a Crystal Gem now,  _ Lapis thought. She beamed with pride. She had taken a stand. She had fought for something she believed in--her friends. She had friends; no, these gems were more like family, now. 

Peridot caught her grinning and smiled back before handing her another bubble. Her smile dropped a bit as she looked at the gem inside.

_ So many gems, gone for so long,  _ she added it to the pile wistfully. The Diamonds were their unlikely allies now--they were the ones who would help Steven bring these poor gems back to themselves, or at least that’s what they were all hoping for--but it was a powerful reminder of the damage they could do. Steven may be part of the family now, but Lapis wasn’t sure if she’d ever trust another Diamond. And even though she could go back, she wouldn’t be leaving for Homeworld. Her place was here, on Earth, with Peri and Bismuth and now, the rest. Releasing all of these new gems, most of whom had been insane or bubbled for thousands of years, was going to really shake things up. All hands on deck would be needed to make Earth a home for everyone.

Another bubble caught her eye. Peridot saw where she was looking and snickered. “Maybe we should just leave that one.”

Heat crept into Lapis’s cheeks and she glanced away quickly, eyes stinging.  _ Jasper,  _ she thought bitterly.  _ How could I forget? _

“Hey, now,” Amethyst admonished. “Everyone gets unbubbled. If we can handle the Diamonds, we can handle anything that comes out of here.”

“As I recall, the last thing she tried to do was kill you,” Peridot said dryly. “You sure about this?”

“She’s a Quartz, she’s from Earth, and Homeworld’s on our side now,” Amethyst shrugged. “She’s family.”

“If we didn’t unbubble anyone who had tried to kill us, most of these gems would be stuck in here,” Garnet pointed out. She smiled teasingly. “Even you, Peridot.”

“And me,” said Lapis.

“And me,” Bismuth laughed. “C’mon. You guys ready? Got everyone?”

**

They gathered around the pool. The statue of Rose Quartz wept, and the remaining Crystal Gems couldn’t seem to keep the tears from their eyes, either. The idea of seeing so many friends, feared to be lost for good, in mere moments...it was overwhelming. As they tossed bubbles into the water, Steven dove in, grinning. He waved at the others, trying to get them all to join in. Now that the time was here, though, Lapis felt it would be better to stay on the sidelines. She tried to convince herself that the possibility of Jasper returning did not sway that decision. With an understanding smile, Peridot took her hand, and they retreated to the edge, keeping sight of the pool but with an easy path to slip away.

The Diamonds clambered in awkwardly, their enormous size making the vast pool seem comically small. The look on White’s face made Peridot and Lapis giggle, and they stifled the noise out of respect for the sheer enormity of emotion on Pearl, Garnet, and Bismuth’s faces. Amethyst looked on excitedly from her perch with the Centipeedles, eating Chaaps.

Steven closed his eyes and concentrated. The rest of them could feel the air become charged with power as the Diamonds aligned their focus. The water glowed, and almost immediately, gems began to pop to the surface.

“They’re all Off Color!” Peridot whispered.

"Shhh," Lapis said, "Don't be such a Kindergartener."

But she could see it was true. Many still had horns, claws, tentacles, or markings that resembled their corrupted forms. But based on the way they were embracing and exclaiming, their minds had been restored. 

"Psst, Lapis, Steven and Bismuth are over there with a bunch of Quartzes," Peridot teased. "Should they introduce you?"

Lapis turned bright blue. "Shut up!" She hissed, elbowing the green gem in the ribs.

There was a familiar roar and Lapis's breath caught. Her heart leapt into her throat as Jasper emerged from the water, ready to fight.

"Geez, did she pop out of her hole like that?" Peridot muttered. "Oh wait, I've seen it in the Beta kindergarten--she did."

They watched anxiously, but Jasper took only a few seconds to go from angry to confused. Amethyst swam over to her, and Lapis stepped back.

"C'mon," she said to Peridot. "Let's start helping some of these new gems out--starting on the other side of the pool."

**

_ Amethyst. Rose. Pink Diamond. Fighting, fusion. Beta. Pain. _

Jasper felt herself coming back. She felt light and heat and sudden freedom as she regenerated. 

Anger and adrenaline hit her like a punch. She wheeled around, preparing for the next charge, only to realize she was no longer in the Beta kindergarten, fighting Amethyst and Rose. She struggled to focus.

There was a statue of Rose Quartz, and there, the boy she'd become. With a growl, she summoned her weapon and turned to face him--but...wait…

He was surrounded by three other familiar-looking Jaspers. She recognized the one she'd fused with and horrible memories came flooding back. She realized she was half-submerged and  _ other  _ horrible memories stirred in her mind. Then she saw the Diamonds.

_ White...Diamond?  _ No one had seen her for eons. Blue and Yellow were there as well, looking at her sternly. She relaxed in shock and her weapon vanished. Yellow  _ smiled  _ at her. She tried to remember the last time she'd seen Yellow Diamond smile and came up empty.

There was a splash next to her, and Amethyst reached up to brush her shoulder. The touch felt oddly sensitive and her stomach churned when she saw the blue-green circular marks marring her skin.

"Hey, Sis," Amethyst said gently. There was genuine affection and pity in her eyes.  _ Did I miss something?  _ Jasper wondered.

Shame filled her and she sank into the water, which was oddly soothing. She looked around her and began to recognize gems, most of them previously corrupted, now almost back to being themselves.

Almost--each had unique flaws. Jasper began to take inventory of her own form, taking in more blue-green marks on her arms and hands, the small horns at her hairline, and an odd new uniform. She was sure there were other changes, as well, but she wasn't going to disrobe to look at them here.

"Are you...okay?" Amethyst was still next to her, giving her time to survey the scene around her.

"I don't know," Jasper said. Her voice was raspy with disuse. "What...what happened?"

"Oh boy," said Amethyst. "Well, you were out for a while. After you were bubbled...let's see...a lot of stuff happened. Uhhh...Steven is Pink Diamond. Well, not exactly. Rose Quartz is--was--Pink Diamond. She faked her own shattering so she could live on Earth. And Steven has her gem. Let's see...the Diamonds attacked, we went to Homeworld, we fought White Diamond, then Steven convinced her to come here and heal y'all."

Jasper grimaced. "That doesn't explain anything."

"I know," said Amethyst, "Go ahead and be upset. The rest of us were."

Gems were beginning to leave the pool, led by Garnet, Pearl, and Bismuth on one side, Lapis and Peridot on the other. Jasper saw Lapis and her stomach clenched. Briefly, the blue gem met her gaze, but quickly turned away.

"I wouldn't go there, dude," Amethyst counseled.

"Yeah...yeah." Jasper sighed.

"We should go," Amethyst continued. "We're going to be setting up homes for everyone, but for now we have tents and cots near Beach City. Bismuth is already working on "Little Homeworld" plans."

"I don't think I should go with them."

"What? Of course you should!" The purple gem placed a hand on her forearm reassuringly.

"Amethyst," Jasper paused. "You seem to like me now, which is weird. I guess I'm supposed to like you now, which is also weird. But all of these gems...if they're Homeworld, I failed my mission to them. If they're Crystal Gems, I've tried to kill them. If they were corrupted, I tried to imprison them. None of these gems are going to be happy to have me around."

"Hm. Good point." Amethyst frowned. "I'll be right back."

She heaved herself out of the water and walked over to where Garnet and Pearl were welcoming other gems. Jasper saw them put their heads together, and they threw several grim glances her way, but she couldn't make out what they were saying.

She scowled and sank further into the water. Leaving on her own crossed her mind, but her brain was still muddled, and she had the distinct feeling the others wouldn't just let her leave.

_ Pink Diamond is Rose Quartz.  _ The thought made Jasper's head ache and she groaned, holding a hand to her eyes. A hand that still bore the marks of her corruption.

At any rate, whatever the truth may have been, there were the three Diamonds, talking and smiling with Rose--no, Steven. None of these off-color gems, not to mention rebel gems, were being sanctioned or shattered. It was clear enough that her whole purpose--her whole world--was gone.

Amethyst came back over. "Okay," she said, "You can come stay with me in the Temple until we find you someplace to stay. I have a huge room with tons of stuff."

Staying with this runty Quartz sounded like torture, but Jasper didn't exactly see any other options. She pulled herself out of the pool.

The purple gem gazed up at her. "Geez, I forgot you were this tall." 

Jasper walked beside her, somewhat awkward with her regenerated form.  _ Things have definitely changed,  _ she thought uneasily.  _ I'll have to take inventory later, in private. _

They were the last in line to the warp pad, just in time to see Lapis and Peridot lead the final group to their new campground. Jasper swallowed the lump in her throat.

Pearl and Garnet fell behind. "Go ahead and take her back," Pearl called to Amethyst. "We're going to wait for Steven. We'll see you at the Temple."

They stepped onto the warp pad, and in a flash, they materialized inside the Temple.

Jasper had never been inside before and gawked at the human-style dwelling around them. 

"Oh yeah, we built this part when Steven came to live with us. Our rooms are back here." She pointed to a door with a five-point star on it. The purple point lit up, and the door opened in a sticky S-shape. Amethyst led her inside.

She gazed around at the cavernous space. Gray stone walls glittered with purple and blue crystals, and pools of water were dotted throughout the cavern. Towers of human debris and junk were everywhere. 

"What...is all this?" It was a far contrast from the compulsively neat, impersonal barracks she'd lived in on Homeworld. 

"My stuff!" Amethyst said proudly, perching on a pile. "You can sit yourself anywhere you fit. Try not to clean anything. Avoid the pools--some lead to other parts of the Temple. You do not want to end up in Pearl's room."

"But why do you have all this?" Jasper was perplexed. "What purpose does it serve?"

The purple gem laughed. "You're funny. It doesn't have a purpose. I just like it."

Jasper groaned. "You Crystal Gems are so weird."

Amethyst chuckled. "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Jasper put her face in her hands. "You should have shattered me. There's no war. No colonies. All of this was for nothing. I have no reason to exist."

"Hey, hey," Amethyst soothed. "Just because you don't have your old job, doesn't mean you're worthless. I mean, look at me!"

"Do you not remember the last things I said to you?" Jasper asked quizzically. 

"Ehh, I try not to," Amethyst replied. "Look, it's time for a new start! You can do what you want now!" She frowned. "What  _ do  _ you want to do?"

A brief image of Lapis leaving the healing pool flashed through her mind, followed by one of the blue gem panting, her skirt hiked up around her hips. Jasper forcibly brought herself back to the present.

"Nothing good," she smiled crookedly.

"Okay, maybe not  _ whatever  _ you want," the purple gem rolled her eyes. 

They heard the door open and both looked up. Garnet, Pearl, and Steven walked in.

"Yo," said Amethyst. "Pull up a pile."

"Hello, Jasper," said Pearl carefully. 

"Uhh...hi." Jasper wasn't sure how much more awkward the day was going to get. The other gems seemed to be deferring to Steven, so she looked down at the boy.

"Jasper," he began, looking serious, "Before you were bubbled, you hurt a lot of gems. That's why you're here in the Temple with us."

"Yes." She was careful to keep her tone neutral. She struggled to remember the exact events leading up to her corruption through her confusion. 

Steven rummaged around in a nearby pile until he found a pencil and a scrap of paper. "Here," he said, "We should make a list of everyone you have to apologize to."

Jasper took the pencil and paper but stared at the other gems blankly.

"You can put my name down first," Amethyst said helpfully. 

_ Amethyst. Steven. Yellow Diamond. Ruby and Sapphire--no, Garnet, they called themselves. The other corrupted Jaspers: Biggs, Snowflake, Ocean. Peridot. Lapis. Lapis. Lapis. _

She knew the list could go on and on. Feeling the others' gazes upon her, she tentatively wrote the A in Amethyst. The pencil snapped in her clumsy fingers.

Jasper sank into a broken recliner. "I can't," she said, slumped. "I'm sorry." She looked at the Crystal Gems and burned with shame. "I'm sorry," she said again, and this time her voice cracked. It felt as if the gem she used to be had been melted down and was being painfully reforged.

The others exchanged glances. "I suppose that will have to do, for now," Pearl sighed. "But the question remains--what will we do with her?"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here!" Jasper snapped. A pale blue blush rose in Pearl's cheeks, but she did not reply.

"Well, that's easy," said Amethyst. "You're big, strong, and great at crushing and lifting things. She can work with Bismuth."

"Bismuth has also made mistakes in her past, and learned from them," Garnet said thoughtfully. "This could be a mutually beneficial experience."

"Yeah!" Steven agreed. "She said she was coming over later, to go over Little Homeworld plans!"

"But she's close friends with Biggs and Snowflake, and they'll be sure to be helping, as well," Pearl still sounded anxious. "They might not want to be around Jasper, after...well…"

The Quartz clenched her jaw. They were still talking about her like she was a troublesome object to be carefully disposed of. It seemed no one wanted her after all. Why, then, did they go through the stupid process of bubbling her? Why not just shatter? And if she was such a liability, why heal her with the rest instead of keeping her locked away?

"It seems I'm not wanted here," she said loudly, cutting across their chatter and getting to her feet. "I can just go."

"Oh, heavens, no!" Pearl looked stricken.

Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Relax, P." She turned towards Jasper. "It's not that we don't want you around," she said, "It's just a delicate social situation, you know?"

"It's not just you," Garnet said. "Many gems' last memories were of fighting a war that's long over. It's been 6,000 years, they no longer know the Earth, and there's a mix of Homeworld and Crystal gem fighters, workers, civilians. We need a plan in place for resettlement."

"Which is where you can help," Steven looked at her earnestly. "We need as many strong hands as we can get to make homes for all of these new gems."

They heard the warp pad from outside the door, and a booming voice. "Steven? Garnet? Any of y'all here?"

"Bismuth!" Steven exclaimed. The Temple door slid open and they followed him out, Amethyst pulling Jasper along to join them.

The gem who greeted them was indeed a Bismuth, but not like any Jasper had known. She was warm and friendly but stern. A vague memory from the war of a Bismuth who abandoned her duties and turned to making weapons for the Crystal Gems passed through her mind. This must be her.

"You must be Jasper," Bismuth fixed her with a piercing stare. "I've heard plenty about you."

"Nothing good, I hope," Jasper attempted a grin.

Bismuth laughed. "Well, with me, it's in the past now. What's important--" she turned to the others and began to unroll blueprints over the table. "Is that you can work."

"Whoa," Steven's eyes lit up as he studied the drawings. "Bismuth, this looks amazing."

"Thanks, Steven," Bismuth ran a hand through her colorful locks. "There's just one big problem: if we wanna go all out--build everything I've got in those plans--it's not gonna happen overnight. It would take a year, at minimum, maybe even 2 or 3."

"But all these gems…" Pearl sighed. "They can't stay in tents that long."

"Yeah, and we'll need the land the tents are on to start building this," Bismuth said. "But I had an idea. We still have plenty of gem territory here on Earth, going unused: the ruins, the drop ships, the kindergartens. I could start by fixing some of those up, maybe make some small apartments, communal spaces--then we break ground on the big one: Little Homeworld."

"I can talk to Dad and Uncle Andy, and Lapis and Peridot," Steven mused. "There's a lot of land around their farm. We could have cabins!"

"Sounds great, Steven!" Bismuth smiled. "Speaking of Lapis and Peridot, I wanted to recruit them, too." She nodded towards Jasper. "We're lucky to have Quartzes and other strong gems like you, but Peri's metal powers and Lapis's water ability would really come in handy on this. We could start on the kindergartens first, there's already so much space there."

"Amethyst," Pearl looked concernedly at the purple gem. "How--how do you feel about doing this to the Prime Kindergarten?"

"It'll be weird for sure," Amethyst paused. "But it was my home for so long. I'm ready for other gems to make it theirs." She smiled.

"That's where we'll start," Bismuth nodded. "Jasper--you up for this?"

Everyone turned back to look at her, suddenly tense. 

"You'll have to apologize to the other Jaspers you'll be working with," Amethyst pointed out.

"Then there's the matter of being back in the Beta kindergarten," Steven said nervously. 

"And working with Lapis and Peridot," added Garnet.

Bismuth looked alarmed. "Boy, you made a lot of people awfully mad, huh?"

Jasper blushed, then scowled. "Fine," she said. This project already sounded like a headache, but she needed to keep busy. She had no desire to be alone with her thoughts. "I have two conditions."

The others exchanged anxious glances. 

"I don't work on Beta," she said, looking at her feet. "Anywhere else, fine. And two--" she took a deep breath, "--I don't work the same days Lazuli does. When she's there, I'm out."

"Done," Bismuth held out her hand, and Jasper shook it. "We need you too much not to say yes." She smiled and clapped the other gem on the back.

"Let's get to work."

**

They met the next day at the Prime kindergarten. Jasper could easily see why it differed so much from Beta, why the gems who'd emerged here had been so much higher quality. 

Most of them, anyway.

"My hole!" Amethyst exclaimed happily. She ran over to an opening that was too close to the ground and much smaller than the others. 

Jasper inspected it and snorted. "No wonder you're so short." 

Amethyst glanced up at her but grinned when she saw the smile on Jasper's face. 

"Hey you two, get over here!" Bismuth called. She waved them over to where she stood with a group of other Quartzes. 

Jasper approached reluctantly, suddenly nervous. "Hello," she said stiffly when Amethyst nudged her.

Biggs, Ocean, and Snowflake sized her up. After an awkward pause, Snowflake asked, "Are you the one who fused with me?"

"Y-Yeah," Jasper stammered. "I'm...I'm sorry about that." She looked at the rest of the group. "I'm sorry about--" she gestured loosely. "--everything."

"Yeah, I'm sorry, too," Snowflake looked her over, taking in her horns and discolored spots. She fingered her own ruefully. "Some changes seem to be permanent."

Jasper shuddered. 

Biggs put her hand on the orange Quartz's shoulder. "We all did things we regret during the war. Now, we can have a new start. As long as there's no trouble from you now, we'll put it behind us."

"Deal," Jasper felt like a weight had lifted. Apologizing wasn't easy, but it seemed to get a little better each time.

**

They spent days crashing through stone, widening holes and combining them to form comfortably sized rooms, even for larger gems. They used the old injector parts to drill down into the cliffs, forming staircases, hallways, and makeshift elevator shafts to allow entry into the new dwellings from the inside.

Jasper kept one such dwelling for herself. She had begun to enjoy Amethyst's company, and the two talked more and more after becoming temporary roommates at the Temple, but Jasper preferred to be closer to the work and quickly tired of the constant junk, Pearl's sidelong glances, and Garnet's impassibility. The Crystal Gem trio had their own patterns, bickerings, and chemistry, and Jasper constantly felt like she was encroaching. When in the human half of the house, despite Steven's attempts to help her, she nevertheless could not stop breaking things.

Her new home, by contrast, was spartan and barely furnished. The smooth dark stone was soothing after long days of hard physical labor. She was getting along well with Bismuth and the other Quartzes, getting better at small talk day by day.

These new social skills were put to the test when she came face-to-face with Peridot.

It was clear the green gem was terrified and irritable at meeting Jasper again. It made her more abrasive than usual.

"Jasper," she squinted up at the larger gem. "It's nice to see you...uhhh...alive. And tall. And not monster-y."

"Thanks, Peridot," Jasper said dully.

"Are you...uh...mad that I poofed you?" There was anxiety but a touch of pride in Peridot's voice.

Jasper worked hard to keep her temper under control and her voice even. "No," she said. "But I wouldn't push it."

"Of course not," Peridot said quickly.

"Peridot!" Bismuth called her over. "Ready to supervise these machines?"

"YES!" She shouted. She turned back to Jasper. "That's what I'm here for." She held up a screen. "I'm tech support."

"That's...great, Peridot." The larger gem attempted a smile. 

"Hmm. I can see your time around the Crystal Gems has only had a marginal impact on altering your personality thus far." Peridot turned to her screen. "But give it time. I should go over and help Bismuth now."

Jasper watched in mild perplexment as the green gem walked away.

"That's who Lapis is living with?" She said aloud to no one in particular. 

"Yeah. They're kinda like 'the odd couple'," Amethyst sidled up. "Peri's cool, though, once you just accept her for like...who she is. Do you wanna come into town with us? Fish Stew Pizza is giving us free toppings if we promise never to play darts again."

"Sure," Jasper said. "Yeah. Let's go."

True to their agreement, Jasper never went with the others to work on the Beta kindergarten, and she avoided Prime when Lapis was there to work. Still, signs of the other gem's presence were always there when she returned: water rerouted or flowing where it hadn't before, large swaths of land cleared as if by the slow progress of a river over time. It reminded Jasper of just how powerful she could be.

Other reminders came when Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst fused into Alexandrite, able to complete large projects in a matter of minutes. Jasper tried not to think about how useful Malachite's power could be to the demolition. 

In no time, completed rooms were filled with gems. Different work sites allowed Jasper to see much more of Earth than she'd ever wanted to. 

She worked hard each day, mostly uncomplaining, her weapon and skills and strength put to good use. She socialized a bit with Amethyst and the other Quartzes but mostly kept to herself. She worked longer and harder than anyone else, only retreating to her new dwelling when she absolutely had to rest. 

Jasper hated being alone with her thoughts.

She struggled to accept herself with the changes corruption had wrought, struggled to resign herself to life on Earth, struggled to make sense of the war and the transition of Pink Diamond to Rose Quartz to Steven. Building and breaking things helped, but she felt empty and foolish without the motivator of revenge, and she was haunted by memories of the things she'd done.

**

One morning she arose before dawn. It was too early to warp to the next work site; they were scheduled to build cabins on the land near Lapis and Peridot's farm, and at this hour, the two gems would still be there. Jasper had no desire to run into them.

Instead, she made the surprising decision to warp to the healing pool. Gems had begun to use it as a communal bath space, but at this hour, no one would be there.

She had been correct in her estimation: the place was deserted. She phased off her clothes, grabbed a towel, and waded into the water.

Jasper took her time looking over her body. Blue-green circles dotted her hand, her shoulder, parts of her torso and thighs. She had longer, almost clawlike fingernails, as well as more prominent canines. The marks on her skin and the two small horns at her forehead were oddly sensitive to touch, sending shivers through her and making her stomach flip-flop when she brushed them. 

That wasn't the worst of it, though. Between her legs hung a new appendage, large and exquisitely sensitive...and inconvenient. It seemed to have a mind of its own, becoming erect at odd times, making life that much more uncomfortable and embarrassing. She had shape-shifted similar organs before for the purpose of sexual pleasure, but had never had one that didn't go away or respond when she willed it to. 

In the water, she allowed her hands to explore, running them over the new territory of her body and enjoying the sensation of touch she mostly denied herself. As her hands moved lower, the protruding length between her legs began to stiffen. She stroked it slowly, almost curiously, losing herself in the sensation but careful not to overstimulate herself. It was so very sensitive.

Her breath began to hitch and she closed her eyes as she moved faster. The feeling was becoming irresistible and she groaned shamelessly. With the other hand, she stabilized herself on a stone ledge as her body shook.

Jasper tried not to think of anything, but memories came unbidden to her mind. Lapis, her legs spread enticingly in her cell. The blue gem on her knees, her gem displayed between shaking shoulders. The two of them chained, Lapis riding her, her hardness buried inside the smaller gem as they moaned and bucked in unison, the power of fucking and fusion flowing through them.

With a strangled gasp she was engulfed in blinding pleasure. Thick, hot liquid spilled over her hand, another experience she wasn't accustomed to. Panting, she struggled to regain control of herself, to still her shaking body and racing heart.

She washed herself in earnest as the heat in her body cooled, mildly ashamed by her lack of self-control. Jasper tried to focus on the soothing, healing flow of water around her and ignore the realization that it was still Lapis who haunted her fantasies, despite her attempts to avoid the other gem.

She didn't hear the sound of the warp pad behind her.

**

Lapis loved getting to the pool as dawn broke, before any other gem. She relished her time alone in the cavernous, echoing space, surrounded by water. She would slowly sink into the vast pool, loving the soothing sound of its fountains. She phased out of her top and pants to fully experience it, soaking her gem, her hair, and her skin. She ran soapy hands over her body, the unnecessary but sensual ritual a perfect start to her day.

As if it were any other morning, she immediately disrobed and began to stack her towel and soaps on a ledge. She had just sighed happily as she plunged in when she realized she was not alone.

Lapis turned, wondering who had gotten there before her, and froze.

It was Jasper.

The Quartz stood stock still near the other end of the pool, also nude. Lapis faced her back but felt heat rise through her core as she took in her muscular form, russet stripes, and new and unfamiliar blue-green circles that marked her skin. She knew it was wrong to stare but her voice was trapped in her throat, and she was too shocked to turn away. A familiar ache began, emanating from somewhere between her legs.

The water stilled, and Jasper looked over her shoulder suddenly. A deep blush filled her cheeks. Frantically, she leapt up and grabbed for a towel, wrapping it around her hips before materializing her uniform, though she was still mostly wet.

"Lazuli," she growled, "Come to stare?" The larger gem allowed herself to rake her eyes over Lapis's unselfconsciously bare form.

"I'm sorry," Lapis felt her lips move, but her voice felt like it belonged to someone else. "I-I didn't realize anyone else was here." She briefly looked up into Jasper's yellow gaze, then at the horns protruding from her hair. Jasper's flush deepened and Lapis glanced away hurriedly. 

"Yeah, well," Jasper grumbled. "I was just leaving. Wouldn't want to be caught in a place like this with  _ you _ ." 

She strode haughtily past Lapis, but the smaller gem could see the slight shake in her shoulders. She remained frozen, still nude, unsure of what to do, before turning to run after the Quartz.

"Jasper, I--" but there was the chime and flash of the warp pad.

The other gem was already gone.

**

When Jasper didn't turn up to work that day, Amethyst found her brooding in her barely furnished Prime Kindergarten lodgings.

"Hey," she said, pushing inside without waiting for an answer to her knock. "I thought you might be here. Do you want to talk?"

"You Crystal Gems are really big on talking, huh?" Jasper grunted.

"Yeah, that's how we roll," Amethyst sat down. "What's up? You haven't missed an hour of work since we started."

"I went to the pool this morning," Jasper paused. She wasn't sure why she was telling Amethyst this. "I ran into Lapis."

"Ohhh shiiit," said Amethyst. "You guys didn't fight, did you?"

"No," the Quartz sighed. "No, I left when she got there. I just...I can't stop thinking about her. I'm trying so hard to move on, but I'm just stuck. I keep reliving my mistakes. I see her and I want to be Malachite again. I look at myself, and I see corruption. I see this planet, where I came from, and I think I'm the biggest mistake to emerge from here."

Amethyst tried to joke. "I thought you thought I was the biggest mistake to come from here."

"Shut up, runt." Jasper smiled sadly. "Look at you, though. You have a life here. Friends. You know you belong, that you're wanted, that you're part of something bigger. I was an embarrassment to Homeworld just from coming out of Beta, and when we lost the war. Now I'm an embarrassment to this place for embodying the worst mistakes of Homeworld."

"I didn't always feel like I belonged, or that people wanted me around." Amethyst murmured. "It took a lot of time. Why did...did Lapis set all this off for you? I know you've been avoiding her, but I don't think she's the cause of these problems."

"You didn't see her," Anger flared and Jasper clenched her jaw. "She looked so fucking perfect. Not like me. She was...staring. After everything we did to each other...she gets to start over. I get to carry the reminders forever."

Amethyst looked at her curiously. Lapis never did talk about what happened with Jasper; everyone had their assumptions, but no one had tried to pry it out of the reluctant and taciturn gem. It was also weird that Jasper mentioned wanting to fuse with her again; way too much time had passed for the physical aftereffects of unstable fusion to still be impacting her. She made a mental note to bring it up with Garnet.

"Look, don't think about Lapis, okay? She's got plenty of her own problems. I mean, she had a total breakdown after your fusion, and again after you were bubbled, and again when the Diamonds kidnapped Steven."

"Really?" Jasper looked surprised. "Hold on, they what now?"

"Long story," Amethyst shook her head. "But she literally took her and Peridot's barn to the moon. Completely devastated Peridot, she was a wreck. We didn't expect to see her again until she went and dropped the farm on Blue Diamond."

"She  _ what  _ now?" Jasper was perplexed. 

"Another long story, don't worry about it." Amethyst shrugged. "Point is, she has serious emotional issues. But I don't think she's the root of your problem. These are insecurities that you seem to have had for a while. And I get it." She smiled reassuringly. "I've been there."

"How do you...how did you get past it?" Jasper asked. She was embarrassed to be sharing so much, to be asking for help.

"Friends help, and time," the purple gem replied. "You're working on that. I used to come here to think and reconnect to where I'm from, try to accept it. Maybe it's time for you to go back to Beta. You know, face it down and come to terms with it."

"Yeah," Jasper looked thoughtful. "Yeah, maybe I will."

"That's the spirit!" Amethyst held out her hand. "Ready to come back to work?"

"Thanks, Amethyst," Jasper grinned. "Let's go crush something."

***

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	12. Beta Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jasper returns to the Beta kindergarten to face down her demons, and runs into someone she's been avoiding. Lapis keeps a loft in the renovated kindergarten as a place to be alone, and finds herself dwelling on someone she shouldn't want. When they encounter each other, anger quickly becomes something else and they find themselves repeating the patterns of their past.
> 
> **Author note: this was actually the first chapter I wrote, when this was just supposed to be a quick one-off Jaspis sex scene. I actually toned this scene down a bit to fit with the rest of the story I've been telling, but it might still be rough or shocking for some people (though if you've read this far, probably not). This was written before the movie came out, so I had envisioned the new gems living in the kindergartens that had been turned into lofts or apartments--the design for Beta is inspired by the Gaudi apartments in Barcelona, Spain.
> 
> **Other author note: I've decided to go back to posting Tuesdays only rather than twice a week, as I found that schedule unsustainable with a baby at home and the impending holiday crunch at work. Sorry for any confusion!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper (minor/mentioned: Amethyst, Peridot)
> 
> Place in timeline: Jasper goes to the Beta kindergarten following Amethyst's suggestion at the end of "Healed"...and runs into someone she wasn't expecting.
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Beta kindergarten, Jasper, Lapis, Jaspis, Japis, post-CYM, healed Jasper, corruption dick, questionable consent, angry sex, non-con elements, rough sex, vaginal fingering/penetration, name calling, breast play, fighting and fucking

Everything was okay now, but Lapis Lazuli still didn’t feel right.

She paced absentmindedly in the new loft she now shared with no one; after the return from Homeworld, she and Peridot kept their ruined barn and the morps within it as an art piece not meant to be inhabited, a sort of  _ in memorium  _ to the life Before. Now they both lived solidly in the After. The other gems didn’t quite get it, but it only mattered to her and Peridot, so that was all right.

They weren’t the only gems without homes—after the healing of the corrupted gems and arrival of the Off Colors, quite a few gems needed a place to make a life on Earth in. And so they’d all set to work, turning ancient ruins, the old kindergartens, the plot of land in the country, and crashed starships into a series of cabins, apartments, and lofts where gems could thrive. Bismuth and Garnet had been integral to the rapid erection of such dwellings.

Lapis didn’t like staying in one place for long, so as well as an extra bed when she wanted to crash in Peridot’s countryside cabin, she had this loft.

This loft in the still not-quite-so-inviting Beta kindergarten.

It was the last place others would think to look for her, and only Bismuth knew this residence was hers. There was little water, just heat, sand, and warmth, and besides, they all knew that this is where  _ she’d  _ emerged. No one would come looking for Lapis here, and that was why she chose it, a better place to think and be alone than the surface of the moon.

In spite of the warm glow of light illuminating her sandstone walls, Lapis shivered. There was one gem she’d been avoiding since the Healing, one gem she didn’t want to see, and one gem she couldn’t stop herself from dwelling on. Jasper.

Through awkward word-of-mouth, she’d heard that Jasper was making progress in her attempts to befriend—or at least become cordial with—Amethyst and some of the other Quartzes. Her corruption may have healed, but adjusting to life on Earth was more difficult for someone who’d been so eager to comply with the culture of Homeworld, only to have that culture—and her sense of purpose—violently shattered.

Memories of their time together clung stubbornly to Lapis despite her attempts to move on. Rage, shame, bitterness, sadness, and bewilderment mingled in her mind whenever she thought of the other gem…which was more or less constantly now that fear of the Diamonds was no longer her sole obsession.

_ You’re a monster. _

The accusation echoed in her mind. The others had tried to reassure her, brush it off as another one of Jasper’s cruel manipulations, but they hadn’t been there. They hadn’t been on Homeworld with them, they hadn’t been in the interrogation cell on the ship that brought them back to Earth, they hadn’t been inside Malachite. Jasper and Lapis alone knew the extent of what they could do to one another.

And Lapis hated how badly she missed it.

**

Jasper’s fists clenched and unclenched as she gazed up at the rows and rows of holes dotting the sandstone—now made larger and glowing with warm light from the occupants within. Her kindergarten was unrecognizable. Just like everything else.

_ Even me. _

The small blue-green horns and circular marks would remain with her forever as a reminder of the time she’d spent as a beast, marking her as Off Color. She was still getting used to her new imperfections, her blurred memories, this strange planet. Coming here, to the scene of both her birth and her most humiliating defeat, filled her with rage and dread and aching emptiness.

This had been Amethyst’s idea—she’d seen Jasper struggling to come to terms with her new life and gently suggested that a visit to one’s birthplace could be a bittersweet way to come to terms with not having a home. With being imperfect.

But Jasper wasn’t a Quartz who’d spent a thousand or so years on Earth with Rose and the Crystal Gems, who’d popped out of her hole flawed. She clearly was not the gem Amethyst was, and in this topsy-turvy world, she was no longer sure if that made her the strong one or weak one.

This had been a terrible idea. She turned to leave, catching sight of a gem standing on her balcony from the corner of her eye.

She froze.  _ It can’t be. _ She wouldn’t…wouldn’t be here of all places. Shaking, Jasper turned to get a better look.

It was her. The silhouette of her hair and her slender form were unmistakable, identical to the gem who had haunted her mind’s eye since her arrival on this miserable planet. Worse than that, Jasper could  _ feel  _ her, her suffocating and intoxicating presence.

The silhouetted figure froze, turning her head. Jasper knew that she must feel her presence, too.

She stayed stock still. Should she leave? Would that be like running away? Jasper was sure she’d be the last gem Lapis wanted to see.

But…why else was she here, of all places? Did she think  _ Jasper  _ would never return? Or was she…waiting…?

She felt dull pain in her palms and realized she’d clenched her fists tight enough to break the skin. Rage filled her like fire; the last time they’d been together, Lapis had scorned her, rejected her, defeated her. And now Lapis could stand there, unscathed, fucking perfect, living in the hollowed out remnants of  _ her  _ old home. While Jasper…Jasper struggled in the aftermath.

Memories washed unbidden over her. The interrogation cell on Homeworld. The similar cell on Peridot’s ship. Malachite, and the horrible crushing ocean, and all the things they’d done with—to—each other. Her body shook. She could not leave. She couldn’t stay away and pretend she hadn’t seen.

Quietly, with a swift grace belied by her form, she began to ascend the sandstone.

**

Lapis stood, heart pounding, fists clenching and unclenching in the center of her loft. She’d slipped inside as quickly as she could after she’d sensed it. Sensed  _ her. _ How could she have been so stupid? Did she expect Jasper to never return here, to her birthplace and hideout? A place where no one knew where she was, with  _ no water _ for that very reason?

Her breath sped up in panic, and she raked her fingers through her hair. The thick, electric tension of Jasper’s aura was not fading, but getting stronger by the second. Lapis felt fear and desire and anger rise uncontrollably within her; biting her lower lip, she glanced at the two buckets of water she kept filled in the corner. Would she need them? If she did, would it be enough…?

**

Heart pounding, Jasper pulled herself over the balcony railing. The familiar rough sandstone beneath her fingers contributed to the static of rage and shock she felt. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to do to Lapis, exactly, what she needed from her. But she wasn’t able to think clearly with the waves of raw emotion that swept through her, another remnant of the corruption, the stain of which had not completely faded.

She broke the lock of the sliding door with ease. Her shaking hands struggled to open it without sending glass shattering to the floor. Lapis was there, in front of her, her expression guarded, suspicious, but almost resigned. As if she knew this would happen sooner or later.

"Jasper," she said softly. "I wondered if you would find me."

Jasper tried to bare her teeth in a menacing grin, but it came out more as a grimace. Her body shook; now that she was face to face with the blue gem, she wasn’t entirely sure what she meant to do with her. To her.

Before she could advance further, two whips of water shot out of a darkened corner and formed snakelike shackles around her wrists. She cried out, furious with Lapis and furious with herself for not seeing this coming. Her hesitation on the ground had given the blue gem too much warning.

The look on Lapis’s face was stern and impassive, but Jasper could feel the pity underneath. The water shackles were strong enough only to slow her advance, not stop it, and the resolve she’d once felt binding those chains was wavering. She smirked, revealing half of her fanged grin.

“Did you miss me, Lazuli?”

**

“What are you doing here?” Lapis tried to keep her tone even, but her voice broke, revealing the undercurrent of emotion. She was really struggling to keep control of herself and her water whips. Without them, she knew, Jasper could overpower her easily. But the shifting tides of her feelings threatened to overtake her and kept her from the state of composure she needed to be in.

Jasper laughed, a sound that sent shivers through Lapis. She was certain the bigger gem would be hell-bent on revenge, and anger coursed through her. She clenched her fist and the water responded, holding Jasper still for a moment. With all her strength, she brought her hands down, forcing the larger gem to her knees despite her straining. Lapis was able to get a better look at the changes corruption had wrought, the blue-green horns, circles marring her skin, and more-prominent fangs, now bared in a furious grimace.

“Lapis—let—me—go…” Jasper panted.

“Like hell!” Lapis retorted with a snarl. “Why are you here?”

“Why are YOU here?” Jasper shouted, “This is my home!”

“Not anymore,” Lapis said coldly. “You no longer belong here. This is my home, now. A lot’s changed, Jasper.”

“Did you think I wouldn’t come back, brat?” Jasper spat. “Or have you been here  _ waiting  _ for me? You need someone who can handle your power, don’t you?”

Lapis took a step back, suddenly frozen. She felt her control slip and the water fell into useless puddles. In seconds, Jasper was on her.

**

Jasper pushed the smaller gem to the floor, pinning her with one hand holding both wrists above her head. Quick as lightning, Lapis turned her head and bit her in the arm, hard. Jasper yelped, more surprised than pained.

Jasper pinned her arms again and fastened the other hand around her slender waist. “I could crush you,” she growled.

“Then do it!” Lapis sneered. Her eyes shifted to the side and too late, Jasper felt the slap of water across her back.

“Bitch,” she snarled, giving Lapis a shake that elicited a gasp. “You couldn’t take me in a fair fight!”

“Nothing’s fair with you!” Lapis retorted. “I don’t want to fight! I want…" she broke off, biting her lip.

Jasper let her eyes roam over every inch of the smaller gem. Another feeling was fighting through the rage. Her breath quickened as she caught Lapis’s sudden blue blush. She smirked again.

“You don’t want me to leave you alone,” she said with certainty. “This is what you want, and we both know it. How long have you been thinking about me since we’ve been apart, Lapis? How often do you think about what  _ you  _ did to  _ me _ , bound inside Malachite?” Her sinister grin widened. “Or is it something more like this you think about?” She slid her hand lasciviously down to Lapis’s hips. “Your memories in the interrogation chamber, perhaps?”

Lapis shuddered. She thought ashamedly of all the times she  _ did  _ think about those memories. “It looks like I'm not the only one, Jasper.”

Jasper leaned down to run her long tongue over Lapis’s neck. The smaller gem whimpered.

“I’ve been in your skin, Lapis.” She whispered hoarsely. “I’ve been in your mind. I know exactly what you like, and  _ where.  _ I know what you think about, late at night, and it’s not any of the Crystal Gems, is it? I’m the only one who can give that to you, and you know it.”

Lapis squirmed and panted, hating herself for how easily Jasper got under her skin, breaking down the defenses she'd worked so hard to build in her mind. “Y-You wish,” she stuttered, her voice betraying her wavering conviction. 

Jasper used a fang to gently graze Lapis’s neck, loving the feeling of the blue gem squirming under her. She didn’t know why she kept taunting Lapis now that she had the upper hand, but the confrontation had taken a turn she hadn’t expected and her raw fury was being quickly replaced by a twisted sort of lust.

A hot flush filled Lapis’s cheeks. Her body shook; desire engulfed her as the feel of Jasper’s sharp canines sent bolts of electricity through her core. She wanted this so bad, but she knew she shouldn't. She gave another half-hearted pull, trying to tug loose of the thick hand encircling her wrists. Instead, it clamped down harder.

Jasper chuckled. “You can’t even convince yourself, can you?” she whispered, letting her tongue trace the outline of Lapis’s ear and eliciting a sharp intake of breath. Heart pounding, she lowered her own hips against the smaller gem, pinning them both to the ground.

Lapis felt something thick and hot and hard pushing insistently against her. “Oh,” she breathed, “Oh-oh Jasper, please-- _ ” _

Jasper’s grin widened and she began to rock her hips back and forth, grinding into Lapis’s pelvis. The surprise on the other gem’s face was making her throb with need. “What’s the matter, Lazuli?” Her voice had become a growl. “You don’t like my new addition?”

“J-J-Jasper,” Lapis whimpered, “I can’t take that. You’ll destroy me.”

“Oh, you can take this,” scoffed the larger gem, “Don’t you remember what else you’ve had? Don’t you remember how my fist felt inside you?”

“I wish I could hate you,” Lapis whispered. 

“You don’t hate me,” Jasper felt flickers of anger returning. Her body shook and her muscles strained against the urge to just fucking  _ take  _ Lapis. Something bestial uncurled in her, making her pant and driving her impatience. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep the tatters of her self-control together, and the blue gem wasn’t helping. 

"If anything, you hate yourself,” Jasper continued, “You hate that I am making you so. Fucking.  _ Wet.”  _ The hand gripping Lapis’s hips slid further, clenching the blue fabric of her pants and underwear in one shaking fist. She tore sharply upwards, exposing the other gem completely.

Lapis cried out as a cold rush of air passed over her slick opening. Jasper’s fingers slid lower still and the bigger gem laughed as she brought them over her and up, revealing to them both how soaked she was. A deep blue flush of shame spread over her cheeks and she sobbed angrily.

One thick finger was slid into her mouth, then the other, forcing Lapis to taste her own lust. “Suck it,” she sneered, “And no biting, or you’ll be sucking something else.”

Lapis glared at the other gem but did as she was told. Jasper moaned at the sensation of her tongue and lips suckling at her fingertips and Lapis wished that moan didn’t make her shake with need.

Jasper withdrew her fingers so fast Lapis gasped. She brought them down to rake across her chest, tearing her thin top and exposing her breasts. Jasper groaned at the sight and bent her head to suckle one, then the other, causing Lapis to shake helplessly, her eyes rolling back with a whimper. The larger gem broke contact with a grunt, pausing to look down into Lapis’s eyes, relishing the desire she saw there.

Lapis was terrified to see something besides the glinting gold anger and lust in the eyes of her captor, something feral and animal beneath. She began to realize that whatever path Jasper was headed down, there’d be no turning back, no reasoning with her. The hard length between Jasper’s legs pulsed.

With a growl, Jasper slid one finger back into Lapis’s soaked cunt, then the other, stretching her and provoking a groan. She began to pound them in and out, loving the ease with which they began to slide deeper. 

“You’re lucky,” she panted, “That I’m getting you ready for me.”

Pain and pleasure and pure, lightning sensation flowed through Lapis. She was losing everything—her control, her composure, her dignity. The harder those fingers thrust into her, the more she lost herself, giving in to the deep, low moans tearing from her own throat.

Jasper suddenly ripped her hand from between Lapis’s thighs and the smaller gem gave a strangled yell of frustration. Jasper laughed, her voice cracking with animal desire. She snarled again and tore open the front of her own bulging pants.

Lapis groaned long and loud at the sight of it.

Jasper’s length was the same discolored blue as the circles that marred her arms and horns, thicker than Lapis’s own fist. Lapis gazed into Jasper’s eyes and her breath caught as she saw only raw monstrous lust reflected there.

Jasper brought her hand down, sending blood rushing back into Lapis’s numb hands with a painful shock. With one, Jasper grasped herself; with the other, she spread the blue gem’s thighs wide enough for her muscular bulk to fit between. She lined up and thrust inside with a grunt.

Lapis screamed. The length and girth filling her made her feel as though she’d break, and as Jasper began to move her hips in short, sharp thrusts, her whole body shook with the force. She clumsily wrapped her arms and legs around Jasper’s enormous torso for stability as the larger gem bore them both closer against the floor. The unbridled groans and growls tearing from Jasper’s throat set Lapis on fire with longing and she squirmed eagerly into their embrace.

They clawed at one another, each trying to drive the other closer. Their bodies ground and slid against each other in desperation. Jasper was losing her resolve to punish the smaller gem quickly as pure sensation swept through her. Lapis was so tight, so hot and wet and everything she could want. The blue gem’s cries and furious bucking hips drove Jasper closer and closer to the edge, numbing her to the feel of Lapis’s nails down her back, the hard roughness of the floor, and any self-control she may have had. Sliding one hand beneath them, she lifted Lapis slightly to get a deeper angle.

Lapis panted raggedly, biting her lip til it bled to keep from crying out in overwhelming pleasure. Jasper’s length no longer felt like it was going to shatter her and she furiously ground her hips into the larger gem’s, desperate to be taken harder, faster. “More…” she groaned, her sense of shame evaporating.

Jasper’s laugh was a harsh, strained bark. “You whore,” She growled. “I knew you’d fucking love this.”

She pulled back sharply before thrusting further in, forcing her cock into Lapis’s drenched cunt. The blue gem screamed, but this time, there was more pleasure than pain in her voice.

“Oh Jasper…oh fuck,” she breathed, “Harder… _ please…” _

Jasper lifted her hips completely, bringing herself up to her knees and grasping both of Lapis’s hips in her large hands. She used the leverage to slam into her in quick, hard thrusts. Her breath was coming in ragged gasps; she was so close. Her mind was blank with only the raw need to get off inside of the tight, tiny body beneath her.

Lapis roared, her own noises getting more animal as the fullness inside her made her feel as though she’d burst. She came with a strangled yell, clamping tight around Jasper, her body convulsing with the uncontrollable force and violence of her climax.

Jasper shook and her breath caught as she was pushed over the edge in blinding waves of desire. A low groan escaped her throat as she came inside Lapis, filling her in thick, hot bursts. Both gems shook uncontrollably until Jasper’s entire body relaxed in the aftermath.

They stared dazedly at each other for a few heart-stopping moments, regaining their sense of themselves—together, then apart again—slowly. Jasper slid out of the smaller gem and gently laid her hips to the floor. Lapis panted and groaned as sensation again flooded her aching body. Jasper became aware of the sting of scratches and bites Lapis had left on her exposed skin.

The bigger gem scooped Lapis up in one fluid movement, stumbling the two of them over to the rumpled bed in the loft’s corner. Lapis was surprised at the tenderness of the gesture, and even more surprised when Jasper pulled herself onto the mattress next to her.

“Do you…want to talk?” Lapis asked tentatively.

“Uhhh…” Jasper looked bewildered. “I-I don’t know? I mean…I, uh, wasn’t planning on…this uh, this got kind of out of hand.”

Lapis’s brow furrowed. “What—what were you planning, exactly?”

“I wasn’t,” Jasper winced. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I saw you…felt you…and I just reacted. I didn’t have a plan. I was just…angry.”

Lapis studied her. “And then you were…something else.”

Jasper blushed, biting her lip. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I’ve tried…to move on. Amethyst has tried to help me move on. She suggested I come here. I never thought—I thought this would be the last place you’d be.”

“That was the point,” Lapis smiled wryly. “This is where I come to be alone.”

With a bemused snort, Jasper said, “I guess I fucked that up.”

“I didn’t think you’d be here, either,” Lapis confessed, “I thought you wouldn’t want to…”

“Come back to the place where I was corrupted?”

“Yeah,” Lapis paused. “How are you…how has that…?”

Jasper glanced down, embarrassed. “It’s getting better. I mean, the healing brought  _ me  _ back, but there are still—still some effects. I don’t know how permanent. It can still be hard to—to think clearly...”

Lapis glanced down at the other gem’s lap with a smirk. “Not all bad things, though, huh?”

Jasper flushed a deeper shade of orange. “I knew it,” she retorted, “I knew you felt this way about me. It wasn’t just—just something I imagined.”

It was Lapis’s turn to blush and avert her gaze. “No, you didn’t imagine it,” she said softly. “I really have missed you since Malachite. Missed…this.” She gestured between them. “But we’re no good for each other, Jasper. This never ends well. The other gems—they don’t know the extent of it. This isn’t…isn’t the kind of thing they’d understand.”

“Do they have to understand?” Jasper asked. She ran a hand gently down Lapis’s side. “And did this…end badly?”

Lapis paused. “I guess…not.” She bit her lip. “How can I be sure you’ve changed?”

Jasper shrugged. “ _ Everything’s  _ changed. And how should  _ I  _ feel about  _ you _ ? I know what you’re capable of. I’m not the only one with a dark side…or a history.”

Lapis gazed at the larger gem cunningly. “You’re right,” she said softly. She ran her fingertips lightly over Jasper’s bicep, eliciting a soft sigh. “You hurt me. I hurt you. And--” her voice dropped to a growl, “I can’t get enough of it.” 

Jasper’s cocksure grin returned. Turning to her side, she clasped the smaller gem in one hand. Nuzzling into Lapis’s hair, she whispered, “No one has to know,”

“Jasper," Lapis gasped as the other gem started kissing down her neck once more. "We--we shouldn't."

The larger gem pulled back. "Why not?"

"After everything...everything we've been through…" Lapis glanced away. "We've hurt each other too much. Can you honestly say you've moved past that?"

Jasper rolled her eyes. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you haven't." She grumbled.

"Come  _ on _ ," snapped Lapis. "You came here ready for a fight! You broke into my loft! You attacked me!"

"Yeah--" Jasper snarled, "--and it ended the same way it always does! With you under me, squirming, begging me not to stop."

"I don't want it to be the way it  _ always is _ ," Lapis sighed. "It was really hard for me after we unfused. I know it was hard for you. You did such awful things! Jasper, how could you?"

"Trust me, I don't need the reminder," Jasper scowled, looking at the blue spots on her hands. "I know I got corrupted. I have to live with myself every goddamn day." She glanced aside. "You could've run away with me. On the boat."

"Don't put that on me," said Lapis sternly. "You don't know that things would've been any different if I'd said yes. I needed time to be myself after Malachite."

"That's the last thing I wanted," the larger gem shuddered. "I felt horrible after Malachite. I hated being by myself."

"Well, what does that tell you?" Lapis murmured. 

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry!" Jasper burst out. "Why did you have to dredge all that up? Why can't we just fuck and enjoy it and forget about all that?"

"I want more than sex," the blue gem replied. "I've built a life for myself since you've been gone. I'm happy! You can't just barge in and...and turn everything upside down."

"What  _ do  _ you want?" Jasper was perplexed. Why couldn't things ever be simple with Lapis? 

"I want space, Jasper. I want time. The whole universe has changed. I've changed. You--you still need to work on that. To come to grips with how you're changing. We're too unstable to do that together."

"Okay," Jasper looked dejected. "Okay. I hate saying this, but you're probably right. I'll stay away."

"Thank you," Lapis put her hand on Jasper's shoulder. "I...I'm glad you're back. I thought...I thought you were gone for good."

"Yeah, well," the Quartz sighed. "Maybe I should've been."

"No," said Lapis. "No, I don't feel that way. I hope--I hope we can be friends. I just think we need to work this out for ourselves, first."

"I should go," Jasper stood up, shoulders slumped. Something in her ached, and she didn't want to. It wasn't as bad as when they'd unfused, but the pain was a similar echo. She leaned down and kissed Lapis tenderly. The blue gem responded with passion and warmth and Jasper felt like she'd break.

"The actual door is that way," Lapis smiled ruefully.

"Thanks," Jasper sighed and cast one more glance behind her before using it. She felt so twisted up and muddled inside, and couldn't decide if coming here had been a bad idea or not.

Lapis waited until the door had shut and the footsteps had faded before letting the tears fall.

***

  
  



	13. Pearls of Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True to her word, Jasper continues to avoid Lapis after their last conflicted encounter in the Beta Kindergarten. Work slows down before the construction of Little Homeworld, and Jasper finds herself awkwardly trying to make friends with Amethyst and the other Quartzes, keep her mind off Lapis, and confront her feelings about her actions, the Earth, and Rose Quartz. After a chance encounter, she finds herself opening up to the gem she had least imagined, learning about fusion, fighting, and fucking after a whirlwind tour of Earth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Jasper, Pearl, Amethyst, Bismuth (minor/mentioned: Lapis, Garnet, Steven)
> 
> Place in timeline: Following “Beta Encounter”, Jasper finds herself with too much time on her hands and finds an unlikely confidant in Pearl as she is finally forced to confront her history with Lapis, fusion, and the legacy of Pink Diamond
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jasper, Lapis Lazuli, Pearl, Jaspearl, Jaspis, Japis, awkward meet-cute, repressed emotions, masturbation, rebound sex, fighting, fucking, fusion, corruption dick, whirlwind tour of Earth, Pink Diamond is Rose Quartz, sparring, face-sitting, vaginal fingering, clit play, penetrative sex

As gems were settled into their temporary homes and the plans for Little Homeworld were finalized, the intense physical labor that had defined Jasper's days and nights began to slow. The Quartz soon found herself bored and restless.

True to her word, she continued to avoid Lapis and get-togethers that included her. Her second rejection by the blue gem still stung, but she tried not to dwell on it.

Of course, there was the traitorous part of her mind that did still dwell on their most recent encounter, and it seemed to be allied with whatever was going on between her legs.

Furious after another messy session with herself in her loft, still panting slightly, ghosts of Lapis's body fading from her mind, Jasper decided that she needed a new way to keep busy.

She warped to the forge, where Bismuth was making machines, scaffolding, supports, and tools for the construction of Little Homeworld. 

"Jasper," she said without turning around.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"You walk loud," Bismuth teased. "Nah, I just had a feeling you'd come looking for me."

"Really?" Jasper was surprised. "Why?"

"You've been my best worker," Bismuth paused to quench a metal rod. "From dawn til dusk, you don't slow down. You level ground with all the power of a Quartz with unresolved anger issues." She looked over with a knowing smile.

"W-Well," Jasper stammered. "Got anything else for me to do?"

"Not right now, and we both know it," Bismuth put her hands on the other gem's shoulders as Jasper scowled at the ground. "Have you talked to Biggs or Amethyst and the others? Maybe you could do something with them."

"Eh, they probably don't want to see me outside of working," Jasper grumbled. 

"You'd be surprised." said Bismuth. She fixed Jasper with a knowing stare. "_ Some _gems may not be the forgiving type, but I think they'll be cool having you around."

Jasper flushed brick red and wondered how much Bismuth knew about what--whom--she'd been thinking of lately. 

"I think they're in Beach City today," Bismuth continued, returning to her work bench. "You should warp over and see what they're up to."

"Yeah," Jasper said reluctantly. "Yeah, I'll do that."

"Don't break anything I have to fix!" Bismuth called after her as she left.

*

Jasper didn’t see Amethyst on the beach or around the Temple, so reluctantly, she climbed the steps and knocked. She heard an alarmed shout from inside, and forgetting pleasantries, she opened the door and barged in. 

Pearl was on the floor, scrambling to gather up rolls of paper that had scattered all over the place. She straightened up, turned, and promptly dropped all of the scrolls she’d retrieved. 

“Jasper!” Her voice was surprised, a little fearful, somewhat irritated. 

“Sorry,” Jasper said reflexively. “I was looking for Amethyst--I heard a shout…”

“That was me,” Pearl sighed. “Trying to organize all these plans! I should’ve just…” she closed her eyes and focused. A cone of light emerged from her gem, and she carefully used it to levitate the scrolls and store them. “There,” she said.

Jasper tried never to be alone with Pearl; she always felt ungainly and uncomfortable. Not only was she completely different from the Pearls on Homeworld, but she had an aura about her that was exacting, as if her expectations for everyone around her were too high to ever meet. Jasper felt overlarge, clumsy, and crude next to her.

And the feeling seemed to be mutual; Pearl was always extra flustered when Jasper was around. 

Now, she looked past the larger gem and glanced around the room, which was filled with papers. She sighed dejectedly. “This is going to take all day.”

Without really thinking about what she was saying, Jasper asked, “Do you need help?”

Pearl looked shocked and a pale blue blush arose in her cheeks. She wrung her hands and began to stammer. “O-Oh, well, I don’t know, I mean, these are very delicate--need to be careful--but it _ is _so much work…” she bit her lip, seemingly caught between wanting help and not wanting Jasper to be the one to do it.

"Here," Jasper began picking up papers and stacking them haphazardly.

"No, no, no!" Pearl cried, "Not like that!"

_ I should've stayed in my hole, _Jasper thought with a groan.

"Why don't you tell me where to put them, and I'll just do that," the Quartz grumbled. She looked down at the top of the pile in her hands and was surprised to see ancient gem writing, which she'd never been proficient at reading. "What are these?"

"Garnet and I have been going through many of the old gem sites on Earth, trying to see which ruins are salvageable," Pearl explained. "We found a buried library with all these texts, and I wanted to sort them and put them in the Temple for preservation." 

"You can read this?" Jasper looked at her in admiration, and Pearl was taken aback.

"Y-Yes," Pearl replied.

"What do these say?"

"Well, I haven't looked at all of them yet," she said. "But there's a lot of gem history here, accounts from various colonies, some plans for structures that were intended to be built on Earth and elsewhere. That's what I'm trying to find; if we have the original plans, it will help us restore and rebuild some of the ruins."

"I don't know much gem history," Jasper thought aloud. "Pretty much just the party line--you know. The mission of the Great Diamond Authority. I don't think there was time to teach us much of anything else during the war. It's not what a soldier needs to know."

Pearl gave her a searching look. "You are awfully young, aren't you?"

Jasper scowled. "Not like Amethyst," she protested. "Or Peridot."

"No, but…" Pearl tried to phrase what she was saying delicately. "You were made here, on Earth. And Earth isn't a very old colony."

"I suppose so." Jasper shrugged. "Well, I can't help you read these, but I can help you carry them. Just tell me where so I don't mess it up."

The looks Pearl continued to shoot her were odd, but reluctantly she accepted the help. She directed where to put each document, and soon they had neat stacks organized by topic.

"There," Pearl sounded satisfied. "Now we'll just have to move them to my room for temporary safe-keeping."

Jasper was intimidated at the thought of entering Pearl's room, but dutifully followed her instructions. 

The white point on the star lit up, and a neat line of light shone as the Temple door opened. Arms full, the larger gem followed Pearl inside.

It was so much different from Amethyst's room. Columns of water rose gracefully in the cathedral-like space, and along with the _ shush _of flowing water, Jasper could hear faint piano music. There were no piles of junk or mismatched objects. 

"Whoa," Jasper muttered. On Homeworld, a place like this would only be the provenance of an upper-class gem.

Next to her, Pearl spun in a graceful dance, and a column of water parted to reveal neat shelves. "It's waterproof," Pearl explained. "We'll put them here."

They carefully carried in and arranged their documents, with Pearl directing what should go where.

As Jasper set one of the last piles down, a drawing fluttered to the ground. She picked it up and studied it.

"Pearl," she asked, "What's this?"

Pearl looked over and sighed. "The ancient Sky Arena plans. It's in such bad shape now...it looks nothing like this."

"I've never been here," Jasper mused. "An Arena would be great. Somewhere to fight without other gems and humans getting mad." She grinned guiltily.

"We only get mad when you Quartzes destroy everything in your path," Pearl said dryly. "I'm afraid if you all use the Arena, we won't even have what's left of it."

Jasper shrugged. "Collateral damage."

Pearl scowled. "Must you fight? Isn't there anything else you can do? I mean, there's just no reason to keep battling each other anymore."

"It's fun," Jasper looked surprised. "Don't you enjoy it?"

"I mean...I don't know…" Pearl blushed, and the larger gem realized she was beginning to enjoy eliciting this reaction from her. "When it has a purpose, I suppose."

"I feel like I've gotten to know the others by fighting them one-on-one," Jasper smiled slyly at the smaller gem. "Except you."

"Oh!" Pearl gasped. Then she smirked. "Is that a challenge?"

Jasper stepped towards her, grin widening. "If you want it to be."

Pearl retrieved the Sky Arena plans and placed the remaining papers on the shelf, busying herself to hide her burning face. "There," she said, "Let's go."

As they exited the Temple door, they ran into Amethyst. "There you are," Jasper grunted.

Amethyst glanced between the two of them, eyes widening. She took in Pearl's flustered expression and the ghost of Jasper's grin. "What...were you two doing?"

"Jasper was just helping me organize the scrolls from the library," Pearl's voice was high pitched and faster than usual.

"Really?" Amethyst shot Jasper a suspicious glance.

The Quartz shrugged. "I was looking for you, but you weren't here."

"I'm here now," Amethyst was still looking over them curiously. "Jasper, can I have a word--outside?"

"Sure," Jasper was confused by the purple gem's reaction. She followed her outside.

"What are you doing?" Amethyst hissed.

"What are you talking about?"

"With _ Pearl _," Amethyst rolled her eyes. 

"I told you, I was just helping her stack some papers!"

"Uh huh. Why was she blushing?"

"Was she?" Jasper smirked again. "That's good to know."

Amethyst sighed. "You don't wanna go there, Jasper."

"Oh, I don't know," Jasper teased. "Could be fun."

"You really like the small, skinny, can-kick-your-ass type gems, don't you?"

"Kick _ my _ass? I wouldn't say that."

"Oh, come on," Amethyst punched Jasper on the arm. "I know Lapis kicked your ass sideways, and more than once. Don't underestimate Pearl, either."

"I offered to fight her," Jasper said. "You're making me hope she takes me up on it."

Amethyst snorted. "You're biting off more than you can chew with P. Trust me, I know. Besides, she's still hung up on Rose."

"Look, maybe I just want to have a little fun," Jasper laughed. "She can stay hung up on whoever she wants."

"Because heaven knows _ you _are," Amethyst retorted.

"I'm not hung up on Lapis!"

"Who said anything about Lapis?" Amethyst smirked.

Jasper scowled. "Look, I as much as I appreciate your advice, I can take care of myself. And so can Pearl. I really _ was _just helping out. And if she wants to spar...or anything else...that's her business."

Amethyst cocked an eyebrow. "Fine. Just don't say I didn't warn you if this blows up in your face."

*

A few days later, Jasper knocked on the door of the house in Beach City a second time. To her dismay, Amethyst answered.

"Look what the cat dragged in," the purple gem laughed.

"What?" 

"Never mind. You're just predictable, that's all." She stepped aside. "Come on in."

Jasper stepped inside awkwardly. Now that she was here, she wasn't sure if this had been a good idea after all. "Actually...I was looking for…"

"Pearl," Amethyst finished, rolling her eyes. “I know.”

She turned and shouted, “Hey, P! Someone here to see ya!”

The Temple door glowed white and Pearl stepped out of it. “Hello? You said someone is here to--” she caught sight of Jasper. “Oh!”

“H-Hi Pearl,” Jasper stammered. Amethyst flopped on the sofa behind her, munching popcorn and staring at them pointedly. Jasper threw her a glare.

“Can I...help you?” Pearl wrung her hands, that familiar aqua blush rising in her cheeks.

Jasper stood and rubbed the back of her neck anxiously. The swagger she’d shown to Amethyst was faltering. “I was thinking of those plans we sorted...I was wondering...I’ve never seen...can you show them to me?”

“Show you the plans?” Pearl still looked astounded. “But why?”

“I actually haven’t seen much of Earth. Outside of fighting, anyway. You seemed to know a lot about the gem sites that are here.” The Quartz shrugged. Now that she was face to face with the smaller gem, her request seemed silly.

Pearl smiled slightly. “Well, those plans won’t show you much. Wouldn’t it be better to see it in person?” Her voice dropped an octave. “I could take you on a tour.”

There was a gagging sound as Amethyst choked on a piece of popcorn behind them. The other two gems scowled at her.

“I have time now,” Pearl continued. She gestured to the warp pad. “If you’d like…?”

“Wow, yeah, that’d be great,” Jasper stepped onto the pad next to her. She grinned smugly at Amethyst. “Catch you later?”

The last thing she saw as the warp activated was the purple gem’s middle finger.

*

They arrived in a jungle. Large geodes surrounded them, and Jasper could hear the ocean. Within seconds she recognized where they were.

“We recently fixed the warp for Mask Island,” Pearl said proudly. “Though the island is still split in half, the Watermelon Stevens have managed to keep up a thriving civilization.”

“Um, Pearl?” Jasper grumbled. “I’ve been here before.”

“Oh,” Pearl blanched. “Ohhh yeah. Um. Sorry.” She looked up at the larger gem, embarrassed. “This was a bad idea.”

Jasper gazed darkly into the horizon, trying not to think about the last time she’d been here. “S’okay,” she growled. “Let’s just go.”

“Y-Yeah. Sorry,” Pearl apologized again as the warp activated.

The next place they materialized in was a meadow of pink and purple flowers. There were no signs of human or gem activity for miles. Tall grasses rippled in the wind around them, and in the distance Jasper could see the peaks of mountains. 

“Whoa,” she said, taking in the scenery.

“This doesn’t have much by way of gem structures,” Pearl began. “But it is beautiful. This is part of the Earth that...that Rose so badly wanted to preserve. She was so taken with its natural beauty.”

“I always saw it as more pesky organic life,” Jasper said softly. “Just potential waiting to be made into gems.”

“Well, that’s how everyone on Homeworld saw it,” Pearl sighed. “Except…”

“Pink Diamond.” Jasper finished. She glanced away, eyes stinging. She still had no idea how she felt about the Diamond who had been both her greatest motivator and her greatest enemy.

“Let’s--let’s go to the next site,” Pearl’s eyes shone.

The next place they arrived was equally breathtaking, but for its ingenuity rather than its natural beauty. They followed a set of carved stairs that led up a mist-shrouded mountainside to a series of grass-covered floating steps. The hovering mass of land they led to featured a covered spiral stair winding towards an elegant gold-capped temple.

“The Sky Spire,” Pearl explained when they reached the top. “The Heaven Beetle lived here, until recently. It was a site for great thinkers and philosophers.”

“Well, I’m neither,” Jasper laughed. “But it is...gorgeous. Makes you really wonder what you miss out on, as a soldier.”

“Yes, in that way, we Pearls are lucky,” Pearl mused. “We were considered a lower caste--practically property--but wherever our leaders went, so did we.”

“You’re an unusual Pearl,” Jasper remarked.

Pearl smiled slyly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

They headed back down the path to the warp. “What made you do it?” Jasper asked. “Rebel, I mean? Fight your nature?”

Pearl sighed. “It was all for Rose. In many ways, I never did fight my nature--I was always serving her. She was still my Diamond in many ways. She encouraged me to fight, to learn, to explore parts of myself I never would have if she’d remained Pink.”

“It’s so confusing,” Jasper muttered. “Why would a Diamond want to be a Quartz?”

“She wanted freedom from her duty as a Diamond. She couldn’t be herself around the others, shut up in the palace or only able to watch the Earth from afar.”

They stepped onto the smooth gem surface of the warp. As they floated away, Jasper was lost in thought. She hadn’t really worked through her feelings about Rose Quartz being Pink Diamond; it was another topic that made her feel a mixture of loathing, longing, and deep, deep regret. It was odd, now, to be traversing the globe with the gem who had been closest and most dedicated to her.

When they materialized, the air was dry and hot, and a warm wind blew sand in eddies around their ankles. Ruined columns surrounded the warp pad.

“This is the desert,” Pearl explained. “The climate is hot and dry, similar to that of the Beta kindergarten, which you are of course familiar with.”

“Yeah,” Jasper replied sarcastically. “I’m familiar with it.” She wondered if this tour was designed to remind her of each of her failings or dredge up complicated memories. It was not exactly improving her view of the Earth, and she took a mental inventory of the places they had been or could go: Battlefields where they’d fought. Beautiful fields of organic life that had been coveted by Rose. Deserts, like the place she was born and the place she’d been corrupted. The ocean, where she’d been trapped in a fusion. The snowy North, where she’d hunted monsters--monsters she’d become and was now trying to befriend. To Pearl, these were places of natural beauty, gem history, wonder, and glory. To Jasper, it was like a compilation of her regrets.

Pearl seemed to realize what she’d just said, and she raised a hand to her mouth apologetically. “Sorry,” she blushed. “That was a tactless thing to say, wasn’t it?”

Jasper snorted. “Yeah. Kinda. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” She slumped to the ground, burying her face in her hands. “I can’t tell if it’s this planet I hate, or myself.”

The other gem gave her a searching look. “Let me take you to one more place,” she said. “And we can talk.”

The Quartz stood, and the warp activated.

They emerged in a field of enormous wild strawberries. Scattered throughout were the weathered remains of weapons. Jasper recognized the place immediately.

“I fought here,” she murmured. “I fought _ you _here.”

Pearl smiled. “Did you? It’s hard to keep track.” Her smile faded. “Those battles were glorious. But in hindsight…”

“Pointless.” The larger gem sighed. “Utterly pointless. It never mattered who won or lost. We were both fighting for the same gem. The embarrassment of my origin--my life--was for nothing. The gems you...we...lost, to shattering or corruption...it didn’t matter.”

“The _ cause _we were fighting for was different.” Pearl pointed out. “Our side--The Crystal Gems, Rose--we wanted to protect this Earth. Your side, the Diamonds, saw only resources to use, land to destroy, another colony to make a shell out of.” Her tone was bitter.

“That doesn’t matter, though, does it?” Jasper looked Pearl in the eye. “I would’ve followed Pink to whatever end. If _ Pink Diamond _told me to protect Earth, I would have done it. I was her soldier, not the Empire’s, not until after. And you...if Rose Quartz had told you to destroy this planet and make more gems, you would have said ‘Yes, my Diamond’ and helped her do it.”

Pearl blushed and glanced away. “We meant so well, but we were so selfish. In some ways, she _ was _like the other Diamonds. We didn’t spend enough time considering what would happen to all of the gems caught in the crossfire. Bismuth...she thought...she convinced Rose that shattering Pink Diamond would end the war. Rose saw it as an opportunity to truly be free, to stop living a double life. We underestimated the Diamonds. We didn’t heed the potential terror that followed.”

“Collateral damage,” Jasper mumbled darkly.

They followed the path in silence. Jasper was in awe of and a bit disgusted by the strawberry vines that obscured the bleak aftermath of battle. _ There’s too much weird fruit on Earth, _she thought. It felt as though the planet itself could swallow anything whole, twist it and incorporate it and change it.

They approached a cliff and another series of floating steps. Pearl leapt from one to the other gracefully, and Jasper followed. At last, they reached the top. Pearl was staring thoughtfully into the sky. “We used to come here together,” she murmured. “I truly loved her.”

The larger gem looked down awkwardly, suddenly tongue-tied. “I felt loyalty to her, and duty, and devotion. Love? That’s something I don’t understand.”

“It’s all of that,” said Pearl. “And desire. And longing, and need, and pain. And still something more that can’t be explained.” She smiled sadly. “It’s the best and worst thing to exist.” She sat in the grass, dangling her legs over the ledge. She patted the ground next to her, motioning for Jasper to sit beside her.

The Quartz did so, shaking the platform they were on with the force. She grimaced. “Sorry,” she said gruffly.

Pearl laughed. “I don’t expect grace from Quartzes.”

“You shouldn’t,” Jasper’s laugh was strained. “How did you prefer her? As a Quartz, or as a Diamond?”

Pearl thought for a moment. “She preferred herself as a Quartz. As a Diamond she was more playful, childlike. As Rose, she grew up a bit. As Rose, we could be together.”

Jasper shook her head. “On Earth, maybe. On Homeworld, gems are meant to stay in their castes. Fusion and fucking across class--it’s forbidden.” She blushed deep orange as she realized what she’d just said. “Sorry,” she groaned, “I can be so crude sometimes. I didn’t mean to imply…”

“Don’t apologize,” Pearl’s voice had an edge to it. “I only _ look _delicate, Jasper. If you’re asking if I ‘fucked’ Rose, the answer is yes.”

“Oh,” Jasper’s breath hitched. “_ Oh. _I-I wasn’t asking that, exactly…”

“Don’t pretend to be innocent.” Pearl said sharply. “I already know you’re not.” She gazed at the Quartz from beneath lowered eyelids. “On Earth, many things are permitted.”

Jasper tried to ignore her racing pulse. “I mean, you’re right, Homeworld wasn’t...things happened. Under the radar. The Diamonds turned a blind eye to certain...interactions, especially if an aristocrat wanted...wanted something from a lower-caste gem. Fusion was verboten, sure, as well as any sort of proper _ relationship _, but as long as appearances were kept up…”

“I remember that all too well,” Pearl muttered. “Pearls are the eyes and ears of the gem world, as much as our so-called superiors liked to pretend otherwise.”

“Soldiers and guards see a lot, too,” Jasper replied. “I guess having things out in the open on Earth _ is _better. It just feels so, I don’t know, unusual still.”

Pearl nodded. “It can take a lot of getting used to, being here. But I promise, it’s worth it.” She gave the larger gem a kind smile, and stood. “Shall we?”

Jasper followed her back down to the warp pad. She wasn’t sure, exactly, why she was opening up to Pearl, the gem she’d ironically found the most intimidating. But she proved easy to talk to. _ Pearls are the eyes and ears of the gem world. _Perhaps this was why.

The warp activated, and in a moment they materialized on a raised stone dias, floating amongst the clouds. The symbol of the four Diamonds hovered above them, and was reproduced behind them in large tiles. Thin, crumbling columns stood before them before the edge dropped off into the sky.

Pearl led them around to a stair. “This is the ancient Sky Arena,” she explained. 

They entered the arena through a hexagonal opening, steps where ancient gems would have sat extending on either side. A large tiled floor stretched out below them. Pearl hadn’t been joking: the Arena was mostly in ruins, large chunks of it missing and floating around them as bits of debris.

Jasper slowly descended the steps, looking around her. “This is the perfect place to spar,” she began, “But you weren’t kidding--it’s in awful shape.” It bore little resemblance to the elegant design she’d seen in the plans.

Pearl sighed. “Yes, I mostly use it for training, but I’m afraid it’s glory days are gone.”

“Bismuth could fix this,” Jasper said with certainty. “And you already have the original drawings.”

“I don’t know if it’s that simple,” Pearl said uneasily. “So much material is missing. And its location in the sky is problematic. Even a flying gem like Lapis would have trouble.” She didn’t see Jasper’s wince, and continued thoughtfully. “If we had a _ fusion _who could fly, maybe…”

Jasper cut across her musings harshly. “I know of a fusion who could fly. Not that you’ll ever see _ that _again.” She sank onto one of the stone risers. 

Pearl slapped a hand to her forehead and groaned. “Jasper, I’m sorry. I keep sticking my foot in my mouth. I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

"It's not your fault," Jasper sighed. "There are just too many bad memories here for me. For so long, I wanted nothing more than to leave Earth behind. On Homeworld, everything made sense. But from the moment I came back here...nothing did. I've made too many mistakes." She paused. "Fusing with Lapis, and everything after--it just all went off the rails."

"There's a reason we take fusion so seriously," Pearl said. "When done for the wrong reasons, it can be devastating."

"Not that you'd know anything about that," Jasper grunted. "You Crystal Gems are so good at talking about _ feelings. _ Fusion is like, your _ thing _." Her voice was almost a sneer.

Pearl looked at her, wide-eyed, then burst out laughing. "Oh, Jasper," she sighed. "I _ do _ know about that. There's a reason Amethyst and I rarely form Opal--we almost never get along long enough to maintain our form. And when Amethyst fuses with Garnet to form Sugilite, they're unstable to the point of being destructive. I once fused with Rose into Rainbow Quartz just to make Greg jealous. And…" she blushed, shame-faced. "I once used the threat of Peridot to trick Garnet into being Sardonyx with me. The rift _ that _caused...was unbearable."

It was Jasper's turn to stare. "I--I had no idea. But Garnet...Rhodonite...they're fused all the time. How?"

"Well, Ruby and Sapphire--and Rhodonite's Ruby and Pearl--they're in love. They have such perfect sync with each other, emotionally and physically, that they can stay fused all the time with no ill effects. But that's really hard for many other gems."

"What do you mean by 'ill effects'?" Jasper asked. "With Lapis...when we were Malachite...we couldn't unfuse. And when we did unfuse, it hurt."

Pearl looked at her curiously. "Fusion is so intimate. When you hurt each other in such an intimate way, it can have a lasting impact," she paused. "Malachite was a particularly egregious example, but you're not the only gem who has fused for the wrong reasons."

Something clicked for Jasper. "I think that's why Lapis is mad at me."

Pearl looked over suspiciously. "Oh?"

"Yeah," Jasper thought. "Yeah. On Homeworld, and on the ship, we...well...I think I just...took what I wanted from her. While we were fused, she tried to explain to me...it didn't matter that she _ liked _ it, it was that I hadn't thought about how something--something intimate like that--might affect her." The Quartz ran a hand through her hair. "I never considered...on Homeworld, things like that...it's just fun. There's no meaning. It's just a physical thing." She sighed. "But that's not how it feels to _ her _. That's why she can't let it go."

"On Homeworld? On Peridot's ship?" Pearl blushed. "We're not talking about fusion anymore, are we?"

"Not exactly," Jasper buried her face in her hands and groaned. "I am such an idiot."

Lapis's words echoed in her mind.

_ Is that intimacy to you? _

_ Taking what you want, when you want it? Throwing me around? Hurting me? It doesn’t matter to you, as long as we both come—is that it? _

_ I don't want it to be the way it always is...I want more than sex. _

It all suddenly made so much more sense.

Pearl bit her lip. "But it's been so long," she said. "Haven't you been avoiding each other?"

Jasper flushed. "Sort of. Ah. Well. We had an encounter. More recently."

"I see," Pearl's voice was cautious. "And it didn't go well?"

"It did," said Jasper. "Until it didn't."

“I see.” Pearl glanced away and the silence stretched awkwardly between them. Jasper sighed, wondering if she’d said too much. Wondering if she’d ever outrun the mistakes she’d made on Earth.

“I know how you feel about Lapis,” Pearl said slowly. 

Jasper snorted. “Do you? Because _ I _ don’t know how I feel about Lapis.”

The smaller gem gave a slight smile, and stood. “Well, at any rate, I can tell you’re not ready for something else of that...um...intensity. And I--I spent so long serving Pink, serving Rose, loving her, mourning her--I never learned to be on my own. I only recently realized that that’s something I want.”

“However,” she smirked, looking sideways at Jasper, who was watching her intently. Pearl held out her hand. “I’d be glad to spar with you.”

With a grin, Jasper took her hand and rose from the stone riser. “You might regret that.”

“Oh, I don’t think I will.” Pearl’s voice was low and sultry, almost a growl.

They took their places at opposite ends of the arena, stretching to warm up. Jasper felt a rush of anticipation and the familiar hungry excitement she felt before battle. She could see Pearl moving in graceful arcs as she, too, prepared to fight.

Jasper summoned her helmet and Pearl drew a spear from her gem.

“On three,” Pearl commanded. “One...two...three.”

The Quartz rushed at the smaller gem, building up speed and preparing to hit hard. But just as she was about to make contact, Pearl danced out of her reach. She spun on her toes, jabbing a spear towards Jasper, but the Quartz simply grabbed it from her hands and snapped it in half. Before the pieces could vanish, Pearl had another in her hand. Jasper threw a punch with her right hand, aiming for Pearl's cheek, but her fist was met with air as Pearl danced backwards. Jasper's lip curled into a small smile and she used the momentum of her punch to carry her forward, lunging and catching Pearl by the ankle. The smaller gem fell with a crash, but managed to slide from Jasper’s grasp and slip between her knees. She raised her spear, aiming between the larger gem’s shoulder blades, but Jasper was already on her back, rolling away and getting to her feet in a flash. She grinned, panting. Pearl was _ quick _.

They circled each other, looking for an opening. Jasper saw the fierce look on Pearl’s face and felt a stirring of lust in her groin. _ Stop that, _ she thought. _ I need to focus. _With a grunt, she lunged, feinting right to draw off Pearl’s spear. The smaller gem noticed the change in direction too late, and her blade whistled as it cut through the air. She leaned backward and spun away before the Quartz could bring her down again.

"This is actually challenging," Jasper laughed, exhilarated.

"I don't want to disappoint," Pearl smirked. She darted in before Jasper could blink, and it was the Quartz's turn to leap backwards, narrowly dodging the point of the smaller gem's blade.

Pearl continued her attack, slashing forward, her advance relentless. But Jasper could see her beginning to tire. She realized that brute strength would not bring the smaller gem down; she was too quick for that. She needed to outsmart her.

Again they dodged and lunged, neither quite able to gain an advantage over the other. Pearl swung her spear low, forcing Jasper's footwork backwards, the larger gem unable to use her increased range to strike the smaller gem while on the defensive. Jasper wound up for a swing, a feral grin on her face, she aimed for the center of Pearl's chest, which she used her spear to block. The force of the blow sent Pearl backward a few yards, allowing Jasper to catch her breath and examine the area a little better. She wanted to avoid using her spin dash, since that usually caused a lot of damage to the battlefield. With a leap, she jumped up towards the top of a pillar while Pearl aimed her spear, shooting blasts of light from its tip.

“I thought you didn’t want to destroy the battlefield?” Jasper grinned.

“I want to win,” Pearl purred, and the Quartz responded with a bark of laughter.

She did use her spin dash to charge down at the smaller gem, so fast Pearl only saw a blur. She brought her spear up to block but it was too slow, and Jasper pinned her to the tiled floor, sending her weapon flying.

Panting, Jasper bared her teeth in triumph. That was when she felt a blade come up and kiss her throat.

“Huh?” Pearl had drawn a sword from her gem at the last second, and despite being immobilized by Jasper’s large body over her own, she had managed to slide the blade in just the right spot.

Jasper looked shocked, then angry, then she began to chuckle. “I give,” she leaned back, allowing Pearl to sit up with a groan.

“That was close, though,” Pearl replied, smiling. “Usually I’m too fast for Quartz tactics, but you almost had me matched in speed.”

“Thanks,” said Jasper. “But you don’t have to make me feel better. I can’t believe I was beaten by a _ Pearl _.” She shook her head.

Pearl’s smile faltered a bit. “You’re not on Homeworld anymore,” she cautioned. “Rank means nothing here. There’s a reason the Crystal Gems were able to keep the rebellion going so long...if the Diamonds themselves hadn’t interfered, we would have won.”

“Sorry,” Jasper grunted. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You’re a worthy opponent, Pearl.”

“Thank you,” Pearl’s tone was still cool, but she gave a small smile. She glanced up at the larger gem, who was now gazing down at her with an odd look on her face. “W-What is it?” she blushed.

Jasper’s cheeks glowed red. “Nothing,” she muttered. “Sorry.”

“No--tell me,” Pearl commanded.

The Quartz’s flush deepened. “It’s not important. Just a physical reaction.”

“What do you…?” Pearl looked Jasper over, her eyes pausing between the other gem’s legs, and the prominent bulge there. “_ Oh,” _she breathed.

Jasper groaned and scrubbed a hand over her eyes. “Sorry,” she said, voice thick with emotion. “It’s so embarrassing.” She touched her horns. “It’s like these,” she explained. “I can’t control it.”

“Oh?” Pearl’s voice was questioning. She thought a moment. “I wonder if that’s happened to any of the others?”

Jasper stared. “I never thought to ask,” she said.

“It’s okay,” A curiously sly look passed over Pearl’s features, and her voice lowered. “I don’t mind.”

“You...you don’t?” Jasper asked. Her breath hitched.

“No,” Pearl smirked. “Come here.”

“What?” Jasper was perplexed.

“I said, _ come here, _” she paused. “Do I have to ask you twice, Quartz?”

The larger gem grunted, and stepped forward. She was irked, but also intrigued. Maybe Amethyst was right, and she _ did _have a type. 

Pearl sidled up to her. Looking smug, she circled the Quartz, running her small hands over Jasper’s form, pausing at the marks corruption had left and prompting the larger gem to gasp. As Pearl came around again, Jasper reached for her, pulling her close and kissing her deeply.

Pearl pressed her lithe form against Jasper’s larger one, enjoying the Quartz’s heat, rubbing her hips ever so slightly against the hardness pinned between them. She felt Jasper gasp into her mouth, and wound her hands into her long mane of hair, tugging just enough to provoke shocks of pain and pleasure.

Gasping, she pulled away from the orange gem’s mouth, kissing along her jaw until she breathed against her ear. “Fuck me.”

Jasper’s eyes widened. “Are you sure?”

“Do it,” Pearl growled. 

It was all the permission Jasper needed. She bore the smaller gem to the ground, phasing out of her uniform instantly. Pearl grinned as she looked the larger gem’s unselfconscious form, allowing her gaze to linger on her large, full breasts, muscular stomach, and throbbing hard cock. She took her time undressing between Jasper’s fevered kisses, shrugging off her jacket to reveal her collarbone above her bustier, unbuttoning her jeans and sliding them down slender hips. As soon as they were around her ankles, Jasper had her underwear torn down to reveal her dripping sex. Forgetting subtlety, she phased out of her bustier, exposing herself completely.

Groaning, Jasper ran her large thumbs over Pearl’s teacup-sized breasts, pausing over her stiff aqua nipples and drawing a gasp from the smaller gem. Her hands drifted lower, between Pearl’s thighs, and she was gratified to find her slick and eager. She slid one finger in, loving the flush that arose in Pearl’s cheeks, the way her eyes unfocused and her mouth dropped open in a gasp of longing.

Pearl allowed herself to be touched this way until she couldn’t take anymore, and she brought her hands up to push at Jasper’s broad shoulders. “On...on your back,” she moaned.

Jasper grinned but did as she was told, keeping her hands on Pearl’s hips as she backed down to the ground, bringing the smaller gem up and over her. Pearl ground her sex against Jasper’s cock and the Quartz groaned, but she continued to lift the smaller gem forward, until wet lips were pressed to her mouth.

Pearl yelled out as Jasper’s tongue teased her, tracing up and down before honing in to circle her clit. She bucked her hips, riding the larger gem’s face until, with a cry, she saw stars.

“You’re not--not getting off that easy,” she said shakily, sliding her body back down until her hips were aligned with Jasper’s. The Quartz laughed.

“You’re an audacious Pearl,” she teased, pushing the tip of her cock against the other gem’s entrance tauntingly. “Are you sure you can take this?”

Pearl responded by gazing fiercely into her eyes and slamming her cunt down Jasper’s shaft.

Jasper bucked and shouted, her eyes rolling back as Pearl’s tight heat enveloped her. She thrust mindlessly, unable to focus on anything besides the wonderful feeling of being inside the smaller gem’s body.

Pearl rode her with equal ferocity. It was as though they were channeling the heat of the battlefield into their sex, each trying to overcome the other but losing themselves in pleasure. Jasper came with a feral scream, and Pearl’s musical cry echoed in sync as she tightened.

Slowing their movements, eyes locked together, the two gems allowed themselves to fall apart. 

“Wow,” Jasper breathed. 

Pearl nodded. “It’s...it’s been awhile since I felt like _ that _,” she chuckled.

“Was...was the last time with Rose?” Jasper asked, phasing her uniform back on in a sudden urge to cover her nakedness. She regretted asking the question almost as soon as it left her mouth.

Pearl paused, then laughed. “No,” she replied. “I’ve been with Amethyst, though not recently. And there was this human with pink hair…” she trailed off with a blush.

The larger gem felt better, somehow, knowing that Rose hadn’t been her last. Then she smirked. “Amethyst? Rose? Me? Do you have a Quartz problem, Pearl?”

Pearl cocked an eyebrow. “I don’t know, Jasper--Lapis and I are of a similar build. Maybe _ you _have a problem.”

Jasper groaned. “That’s what Amethyst said. That I have a type.”

“I must say, though, you were quite a bit...rougher than I’m accustomed to.” Pearl winced. “We’ll have to work on that.”

The grin on the orange gem’s face fell a bit. “I mean, you kind of know what to expect with me. Subtlety, grace, romance...it’s not my forte.”

Pearl stood up and replaced her outfit. “I didn’t mean it as a bad thing,” she said apologetically. “I just do prefer a _ little _more gentleness.”

“Do you think--do you think that’s Lapis’s problem? That I’m not gentle enough?”

The smaller gem rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. “I couldn’t tell you. It is rude to immediately compare one lover to the next, you know.”

Jasper flushed. “Sorry,” she sighed. “I’m no good at this stuff. I guess I have a lot to learn.”

“You do,” Pearl gazed up at her. “But I don’t exactly mind being your teacher.”

The Quartz gave a bark of laughter. “You _ are _an audacious Pearl. I suppose we will need to spend quite a bit of time together, if we want to rebuild this.” She gestured around them at the Arena.

Pearl shook her head. “This is quite a project,” she said. “We’ll have to talk to Bismuth and the others. If we made it slightly smaller than the original, perhaps it could work without taking too much time and resources away from Little Homeworld.”

“Trust me,” Jasper laughed. “If we tell everyone it’s a place for Quartzes to spar away from Beach City, humans and gems will be begging you to do this.”

*

Like Pearl, Bismuth was skeptical at first, but Jasper found an unlikely ally in Garnet, who was able to predict the amount of property damage that could be prevented by rebuilding the Arena. It helped that Bismuth had a hard time saying no to a project--particularly one that took a formerly elite space and made it useful for all the gems on Earth. Besides, Steven loved the idea, and the others could hardly deny him anything.

They pored over plans in the Temple. “We can just extend and round it out a bit _ here, _” Jasper pointed thoughtfully. “And add a bit more support to the lower levels, clearing where it’s caved in. That’ll give us a large enough floor and seating space on the top, but with covered space underneath. We could have a pool there, for bathing and water-type gems like Lapis, a metal gym for workouts and for Peridot to take advantage of. And an armory,” she continued, smirking at Pearl. “For sword-fighters like you.”

“That...could work,” Bismuth laughed. “I guess you’ve learned something after all, Quartz.”

“It’s nice of you to include spaces for Lapis and Peridot,” Amethyst teased. “Seeing as they’ve both beaten you before.”

Jasper tried to brush off her blush with bravado. "I just want it to be a fair fight, if anyone wants a rematch." She grinned crookedly, cracking her knuckles. Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"We could have a ball there when it's done," Steven added. "A big celebration with all the gems. It'll help make Earth feel like home, and offer a preview for Little Homeworld."

Bismuth held up her hands. "That's a great idea, Steven. You've already convinced me. But if we don't want this to slow us down, we have to start, like, _ yesterday _."

"Great," Jasper said, thrilled to have a project again. "I'm on it."

*

Her days were spent working on the Sky Arena, which was a considerable task. Its location and state of decay made for backbreaking work that required more careful planning and logistics than that had been required to transform the Kindergartens, especially with Pearl and Jasper’s ambitious additions. It made it clear that the next upcoming project, Little Homeworld, would be an even bigger-scale challenge, and drove home just how much work needed doing to make a Gem home on Earth.

Despite their exhaustion, Jasper spent most of her nights in the Temple, in Pearl’s room.

She learned quickly not to touch anything Pearl didn’t directly hand her; unlike Amethyst’s room, everything in Pearl’s had its place and its purpose. Pearl, likewise, had gone through the trouble of procuring a bed for the two of them--mostly Jasper, since she didn’t like to sleep herself, but the bed did make certain other activities much, much easier.

“Not there--_ there-- _ah, gentle, n-no, more gently, please--yes--ahhhh!” The smaller gem cried out as she came, Jasper’s fingers finally angling in on just the right spot.

The Quartz was enjoying being her lover, but her hand had just about gone numb trying to find exactly the perfect mechanism of rubbing Pearl’s clit. With a groan, she fell backwards onto the bed. Pearl was like no partner she’d ever had; she was very particular, and demanded a level of softness and care that Jasper had never learned to give.

But Pearl was determined to teach her.

“That--that was much better,” she gasped. “You...you really got in there this time.”

“How many Pearl Points do I get?” Jasper smirked.

The smaller gem blushed fiercely. “Stop teasing me about that. I told you, those are just incentives for Steven and Connie.”

Jasper inched her hand towards Pearl’s cunt. “Aw, come on--I don’t get anything from the Pearl Pouch?”

The other gem pushed her away. “Aren’t you tired yet?” she whined.

Jasper gave a barking laugh. “I’m never too tired for this,” she replied.

“Well, _ I _am,” Pearl grumbled.

“You don’t even sleep,” Jasper complained, but she backed off. Her own eyelids were growing heavy.

“I have some organizing to do,” Pearl stood, brushing herself off and reforming her clothes. “Why don’t you get some rest?”

“You _ always _have something to organize,” Jasper mumbled, but she reclined on the mattress, eyes already closing.

Pearl smiled. “Good night.”

_ Help me! _

_ Jasper scanned the horizon frantically, searching for the source of the voice. She was on an island, watching as waves lapped the shore. Dark clouds gathered and the wind blew gales through her long hair as a storm brewed. _

_ She blinked, and found herself under the water. _

_ Panic seized her; she wanted to struggle to the surface. But the voice was echoing beneath her. _

_ Help me, please! _

_ Shackles bound her wrists. She looked down to where they led, and saw only darkness. She squinted; a shape began to appear. Lapis swam into view. Her hands were bound in the other end of the chain, and in her face Jasper’s panic was mirrored. _

_ Help me, Jasper, please! The blue gem cried out once more. _

_ The larger gem reached for her, gasping, trying to gain purchase. Her hand enclosed her small wrist, and she pulled Lapis upwards into her arms, kicking towards the surface. Her head broke through the water and she lurched forward, the other gem heavy in her arms as they surfaced. She stumbled onto the shore as thunder echoed in the distance. Panting, she held an unconscious Lapis against her chest. _

_ “Lapis!” she yelled, trying to shake the blue gem awake. Her head lolled back. _

_ The lithe form was so familiar in her arms. “Lapis!” she cried again. _

“LAPIS!” She roared, surging forward. But instead of ocean and rain, it was fabric that tangled around her legs, hindering her progress. 

“Jasper--?” The voice was deeper, more melodious. Soft piano echoed through the chamber, and instead of the crash of waves on shore, the water around her flowed in a smooth hush. Pearl’s face began to materialize, a worried expression on her features.

Jasper realized where she was, and her breathing slowed. “S-Sorry,” she stammered. “Nightmare.”

“About...about Lapis?” Pearl asked gently.

“Yeah,” Jasper flushed. “It’s nothing. Just--just a dream.”

Pearl bit her lip and let her gaze fall to the ground. “Let’s--let’s not kid ourselves,” she said.

Jasper’s eyes widened. “W-What do you mean? ‘Kid ourselves’?”

Pearl took a deep breath and met her eyes. “Jasper, we both know that your thoughts about Lapis aren’t...aren’t nothing.”

“No! I mean--yes! I mean…” The Quartz trailed off with a sigh. “It was just a dream. Really. I’ve left Lapis alone since she...since we...since she asked me to.”

“I believe you,” Pearl sat on the edge of the bed and put her hand on Jasper’s shoulder comfortingly. “But it’s not just about whether or not you’re seeing each other. You can’t stop thinking about her, Jasper. We all know it. I--we--it’s been fun. But I know you have feelings for her.”

“What are you talking about?” Jasper stood abruptly, fists clenched. “I...I don’t know what you mean.”

Pearl gave her a curious look. “You think about her all the time, don’t you?”

“Y-Yeah,” Jasper’s blush deepened to crimson.

“You want to be near her. You want to feel her. You want to make her happy.”

“I...I guess,” Jasper groaned. “I mean, yeah. But so what?”

"It's how lovers feel for one another," Pearl struggled to explain. "It's more than just fun, more than just sex."

_ I want more than sex. _

"Oh," Jasper thought a moment, running her fingers through her mane of hair. "_ Oh." _She bit her lip. "Do you think...does Lapis feel this way?"

Pearl sighed. "I have no idea. And, Jasper...I've had a lot of fun with you. But this isn't the same thing. And I really am ready to be my own gem. Whatever Lapis feels...maybe it's time for you to be your own gem, too. Live for yourself--not for revenge, or Pink or Yellow Diamond, or Homeworld, or Lapis. For _ yourself _."

Jasper rolled her eyes. "Why do you Crystal Gems have to turn everything into a talk about _ feelings _? Why is it always about growing and changing and being a better person with you?"

The smaller gem laughed. "You say that like it's a bad thing," she teased.

The Quartz groaned. "It's not, it's just so...so complicated. Things used to be simple. I knew who I was and how I felt and what to do and none of that other stuff mattered."

Pearl clasped Jasper's hand. "I consider this a great improvement."

"You would," Jasper grumbled.

"Why don't you try to get some rest?" Pearl said gently. "Let's finish the Sky Arena. Let's have a Ball. Let's have some fun. We'll worry about later, later."

"That's the most sensible thing you've said so far," Jasper yawned. "You...me...Lapis...I don't want to think about it right now." Her eyelids closed.

Pearl smiled ruefully. "Sleep tight, Quartz."

But she was already drifting off.

_ Why couldn't life have just stayed simple? _

  
***  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. The Sky Arena Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Sky Arena is finally complete, and Steven and the Crystal Gems are hosting a ball to celebrate. Lapis finds herself unexpectedly jealous and her presence throws Jasper off-balance. The Crystal Gems decide enough is enough and force the pair to confront the tension between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli, Jasper, Peridot, Pearl, Bismuth, Amethyst (minor/mentioned: Garnet, Steven, Connie, Stevonnie, various Quartzes, Sadie, healed gems)
> 
> Place in timeline: a couple of months after "Pearls of Wisdom"
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jasper, Lapis, Jaspis, Japis, dancing, arguing, fusion, jealousy, vaginal fingering, corruption dick, friend squabbles, lying to yourself and your friends, making out, kissing, teasing

“Just spit it out, Peri,” Lapis typically had a high threshold of patience for her friend and roommate, but Peridot was dancing around whatever she was trying to convey so awkwardly that the blue gem was rapidly growing irritated.

“Well, I mean, I was talking to Amethyst, and, um, it’s about—it’s about someone who…someone we mutually dislike, but who, um…”

“Peridot.” Lapis sighed, but her heart felt as though it were clenched in a cold fist. “If it’s about Jasper, you can just say so.”

Peridot blushed a deep green and wrung her hands, “I thought you might not want to talk about  _ her _ .”

“It’s fine,” Lapis snapped again. “It’s in the past. I’ve moved on, and while I might  _ avoid  _ Jasper, her name isn’t verboten. It doesn’t…doesn’t have any effect on me.”

The smaller gem could see that Lapis’s hands shook, though, and could tell from the set of her shoulders that she was already on edge. Still, she knew better than to push the issue, even if it were in her friend’s best interest—Lapis would never forgive her if she felt Peridot was intentionally hiding things. Especially things like gossip.

“Well,” she said, her voice returning to its characteristic nasal flatness, “J-Jasper and Bismuth, some of the others, they’ve been working with Pearl and Garnet to restore the gems’ sky arena. Pearl told Steven, and Steven decided, when it’s finished, there’ll be a ball! We can all dress up and dance and they’ll have food if you want it. They even put in special things for us: a metal playground for me, and a pool for you!”

“Oh,” Lapis was surprised. “That was nice of them. Must’ve been Bismuth’s idea.”

“Oh, actually it was Jasper’s,” Peridot continued breathlessly, “But isn’t that the  _ coolest!  _ And a dance! We have to get fancy clothes!” This was the part Peridot had been most excited about all morning, but it completely flew by Lapis.

“Jasper’s idea?” She said softly, “A pool? But…why would she…?”

“I don’t think you heard the best part!” said Peridot. “We need new clothes, Lapis!”

“What? Oh.” Lapis shrugged. “Whatever. I’ll just go in this,” she thought a second, letting memories creep unbidden into the back of her head. “Or maybe my skirt…”

“Well, you  _ can’t  _ go in that,” the green gem remarked dryly. “Come on, Lapis, it’ll be way more fun if you dress up. You need to get into the spirit of the dance if you want to socialize!”

“Socialize?” Lapis laughed, “Peri, you’re great, but you know me better than that,” she smiled indulgently. “I’ll help you find a new suit—or dress. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’m not letting you be a flower on the wall,” Peridot protested, “Pearl will even be wearing her suit! She’s going with the Crystal Gems and—get this—Jasper too!” she snorted. “If  _ that  _ brute gets new clothes, there’s no way you’re going in your old skirt.”

“Jasper’s going to the dance with Pearl?” Lapis blurted. She blushed, immediately regretting the outburst.  _ Get ahold of yourself,  _ she scolded herself,  _ You don’t care what Jasper does. Or who she spends time with. _

Peridot smirked. She was thrilled to be the bearer of such juicy news, especially now that she knew it didn’t bother Lapis…or that Lapis was too proud to admit it, anyway. “They’ve been spending  _ a lot  _ of time together since starting on the Sky Arena. Amethyst said Jasper’s at the Temple pretty often. I mean, she’s not anywhere in Rose Quartz’s caliber, but I guess Pearl just misses  _ any  _ Quartz.” she snickered. She liked Pearl a lot, but she was uptight and they butted heads frequently, and she couldn’t quite resist poking fun at Pearl’s notorious preference for larger, stronger gems.

“Pearl and Jasper.” Lapis’s lips moved, but she murmured it so quietly that Peridot missed it. Her body felt numb. She tried to ignore the flashes of hot and cold, and the ringing in her ears.  _ Stop being ridiculous!  _ She chided herself.

“Peridot,” she said, shaking her head to clear it, “Peridot, I need a new dress.”

Peridot smirked. “That’s more like it.”

**

“Peridot! Lapis!” Steven cried out in joy upon seeing them, “You two look great!”

Dusk was falling, and the completed Arena glittered in the setting sun. Many gems were already there, and upon hearing Steven’s yell, many of them turned to look at the two newcomers. Peridot puffed up happily; her pinstriped dress shirt, slacks, suspenders and tie, coupled with a carnation on the lapel that she’d grown herself, made her feel more confident than she’d be otherwise in the company of so many gems.

Caught off-guard by Steven’s outburst, Jasper turned to look where everyone’s eyes were drifting. Her mouth fell open when she saw Lapis in her new dress; in various deepening shades of blue, it was halter-style like her usual top, but wispy and clinging down to her hips, where it flared in about two inches of loose fabric that ended at nearly the tops of her thighs. She had a string of dark blue beads wrapped once around her throat, the rest hanging in a loop that spilled down her front.

Jasper blushed a deep red color and quickly turned around, trying to slip back into the crowd. But Pearl had noticed her reaction and fingered the brim of her top hat nervously.

Lapis could feel the presence of the larger gem, a reminder of the time they’d spent fused. She also noticed her reaction and saw how quickly she’d tried to blend into the crowd. She saw Pearl, in a perfectly fitting suit complete with top hat and tails, pat Jasper on the arm. She bit her lip, but the part of her that was ashamed at her own petty behavior was quickly outshone by the part of her that wanted to add insult to injury. She gave a smile that Peridot rarely had seen on her face, and her shoulders fell back and chin lifted with grace, the opposite of her usual awkward, prickly posture. She sauntered forward. “Steven! How wonderful to see you!”

“I’m so glad you could make it,” he said. “I was worried you weren’t going to come.”

“Well, Lapis was taking forever on her dress--” Peridot began, before Lapis cut her off with a slight elbow to the ribs.

“Peridot had to have the  _ perfect  _ carnation from the garden,” she interrupted. Peridot looked at her in askance—why was she lying to Steven? But she knew better than to say anything.

“It’s a nice one, Peri,” Steven said. “Good job. Would you like to be my first dance? Connie’s reserved me for most of the evening, but I wanna dance with as many gems as I can!”

“Ooo, will we get to see Stevonnie?” Peridot asked excitedly as Steven led her by the hand. 

“Probably! You know we love to dance…”

Lapis let herself drift. She surveyed the crowd; nearly every gem she knew of had attended. The Sky Arena did look fantastic, echoing its former glory even with the new additions. She was reminded of the balls and court parties she had attended another lifetime ago.

She heard a loud, brash laugh and without thinking looked over to see Jasper pointing out some feature of the Arena to Pearl and Garnet. Something white-hot—sorrow? Rage?--passed over her. She clenched her fists and took several deep, calming breaths. She was being silly. She needed to control herself.

“Laaaaapis, you look greaaaaat,” Amethyst drawled. She passed a glass of something sparkling to the blue gem and made a point of looking her over comically.

In spite of herself, Lapis laughed. “You look great too, Amethyst,” she said, and meant it. Amethyst was wearing a strapless black dress and combat boots, with her hair piled on her head in a messy bun secured with a feathered clip. 

“Thanks,” Amethyst held out her hand, “Wanna dance? You look like you could use it.” Lapis gave an exaggerated curtsy, prompting them both to giggle, and took Amethyst by the hand.

*

Pearl watched as Lapis and Amethyst danced closer. She wondered if she should distract Jasper, but ultimately decided against it. Jasper could handle herself; she’d proved that much. Still, she felt nervous and uneasy, listening to Lapis’s too-bubbly laughter, watching how Jasper’s eyes kept flicking guiltily towards the blue gem. It all felt too familiar.

Jasper had been feeling better than she had in a long, long time. The other gems were friendly, pleasantly surprised by her work on the Arena. Pearl looked great in her suit and Jasper had even managed to scrounge up a nice-enough white button up shirt and black pants to wear to Pink's-- _ Steven's _ , she reminded herself--ball.

Then Lapis had shown up.

She'd expected the blue gem to be there, of course. The two had kept a cautious distance since their last meeting, neither wanting to confront or upset the other. Jasper had been slowly getting to know the Crystal Gems, starting with Amethyst and Bismuth and some of the other healed Quartzes, and now she'd been enjoying her time with Pearl. But she still felt out of place most of the time.

She was trying her damndest to move on from the intoxication she felt around the water gem; she had no desire to repeat the history they had together and felt off-put and insecure by the strong pull she felt towards Lapis. 

_ Why did she have to show up in that dress,  _ she thought miserably. She blushed, looking ashamedly towards Pearl, but there was a look of rueful understanding on the other gem's face.

Lapis and Amethyst danced in a lighthearted, carefree style at first, but with a sly look in her eyes, Lapis began to get closer to the purple gem, and Amethyst responded in kind, until they were entwined so sensually a few of the other gems gasped.

"I hope they're not trying to fuse," Pearl murmured, half-amused. Jasper felt mildly ill and tried to convince herself that what she was feeling wasn't jealousy. A few of the other pairs on the dancefloor  _ had  _ fused, and no one seemed to think much of it, but the idea still felt mildly repulsive, whether because of her memories of Malachite or her Homeworld training, she was not sure.

The song ended and the two disengaged, laughing breathlessly. "That was so fun!" Lapis gasped, "Amethyst, you're a great dancer!"

"I like to think so," Amethyst chuckled. "You aren't so bad, neither. Let's go find Steven and Peridot," she looked around. "Cool, they're with Connie! And um...oh…"

Lapis glanced over. Steven and the others had joined Pearl, Jasper, and Garnet. She sighed. "Come on," she said, "I can't avoid this forever."

"Eh, if you say so." Amethyst shrugged and led them over. 

Jasper saw them approaching and calculated a variety of escape plans. "Pearl, do you want to dance?" She hissed anxiously. 

"Oh, no, you don't," Pearl looked at the larger gem sternly. "If you have something to say to Lapis, don't do it through me. I'm not going to use my body to compete with them. Just act naturally, Jasper." Before Jasper could point out that 'acting naturally' had gotten her into a hell of a lot of trouble so far, Amethyst and Lapis had joined their circle. 

"H-Hey guys!" Amethyst said, "Some party, right?"

Jasper and Lapis locked eyes. Jasper looked queasy, and Lapis, defiant. The other gems looked between the two nervously.

"SOME PARTY, AMIRIGHT??" Amethyst's voice was pointedly loud.

"YOU'RE RIGHT, AMETHYST," Peridot responded in kind. She wondered why they'd decided to yell.

Connie touched Lapis gently on the arm, and glanced perceptively towards Jasper. "Would you two like to talk?" she asked.

"Oh, I know! You two should resolve your differences through the universal language of dance!" Steven suggested excitedly.

"That's a horrible idea--" Peridot muttered.

"Maybe you shouldn't--" Pearl began.

"What do you say, Lazuli?" Jasper's voice was stronger than she felt as she interrupted the other two gems. "Would you like to dance?" She held out one large hand.

Shocked at herself, Lapis took it. "I'd love to," she replied coolly. 

Ignoring their friends' subtle headshakes, dropped jaws, and Garnet drawing a finger across her throat pointedly, they stepped out onto the dancefloor. Lapis let Jasper lead and tried to ignore the way she trembled under her hands.

"You're looking well, Jasper," she said awkwardly. 

"And you look beautiful," Jasper blurted. A dark blue blush spread over Lapis's cheekbones.

"Don't try to flatter me," she said, more sharply than intended.

"No, I mean it," Jasper said. "That dress was a great choice."

Lapis smirked. "I seem to recall you liked me in skirts."

"Oh, so it's for my benefit, then?" The Quartz couldn't help but feel a bit smug.

"That's not what I said," Lapis glanced away, but she smiled. "Besides, didn't you come with Pearl?"

It was Jasper's turn to be flustered. "Um...yeah. She's been helping out with the designs for the arena, the historical accuracy, teaching me more about ancient gem culture."

"I see." Lapis let the pause linger as they danced. Jasper's movements were characteristically rough; hers, graceful. Oddly, they synced so seamlessly neither of them had to think about what they were doing.

"You know, I remember a lot of that stuff, too," Lapis continued. "But you've been avoiding me."

Jasper twirled her close, pressing her larger form against Lapis's back. "I thought you wanted some space."

Lapis tilted her head up to look into Jasper's golden eyes. "Is that what this is?" She smirked teasingly. "Space?" She twirled away, but allowed Jasper to keep ahold of her hand. The length of her arm was nothing to the Quartz and she reached out one large hand, cupping Lapis's bare back and pulling her close once more.

"I can get closer, if you'd like," she leaned to dip the smaller gem, their lips almost touching.

There was a twin flash of light as their essences began to pull toward one another. With a bang, it was over as quickly as it had begun, and the two gems were pushed to the ground, gasping and shaking. Their friends rushed over.

"D-Don't do that," Lapis gasped.

"I-I'm sorry," Jasper choked, "Lapis, I didn't mean for that--" but Lapis was up and running, pushing herself through the crowd. 

"Should I go after her?" Peridot asked awkwardly.

"Best not," Amethyst shook her head. "She's not heading towards the warp."

Pearl rushed over to Jasper and helped her to her feet. "Jasper! What happened?!"

"I'm sorry, Pearl," Jasper shook her head to clear it. "I think we almost fused, but I didn't mean to."

"You two need to resolve this," Garnet strode over, "Or stay away from each other. We cannot risk Malachite returning again, unstable."

Jasper looked down at Pearl. She flushed guiltily. "Pearl, I--we--"

She saw sadness in Pearl's gaze, but only of the resigned, familiar sort. She also saw understanding. Pearl patted her arm reassuringly. "Go talk to her, Jasper."

"Aren't I the last gem she'll want to see?"

"Probably," said Garnet, "But you need this."

Steven sighed. "We can't keep going with this rift in the Crystal Gems."

"Yeah, trying to avoid the tension with you two is insufferable," Amethyst added, and Peridot nodded.

"I'll try," said Jasper, "And I promise not to blow up the Arena. No guarantees Lapis won't, though."

*

She found her on the lower level, where archways and columns had been built to surround a large, rectangular pool. Lapis sat dejectedly, dangling her feet into the water. She stood when Jasper approached. 

"Why can't I be free of you?" She asked accusingly.

"I don't know," Jasper said. "I've tried staying away from you. You've tried avoiding me. But I can't get you out of my head, and I think you feel the same way about me."

Lapis gazed down, fists clenched. The water in the pool stirred menacingly. She glanced over at it as the surface smoothed. "Did you really build this for me?"

"Yes," Jasper whispered, taking a tentative step closer. 

"Why would you do that?"

"You're a water gem. It wouldn't be a fair fight, if you were to spar here with no water." Jasper grinned crookedly.

"But...after Malachite? After everything?" Lapis's eyes shone with tears.

"I want to move on," Jasper said. There was very little distance between them now. "Everything's different. I...I'm different." She fingered one of her blue-green horns ruefully.

" _ Are  _ you?" Lapis whispered. She pushed herself against Jasper, and the larger gem stifled a groan.

"Do you want to find out?" Jasper's voice was a low growl. She was finding it hard to breathe, with Lapis so close.

And then their lips met, and they were kissing, dizzily, Lapis's hands tugging at the front of Jasper's shirt, Jasper scooping Lapis up in one fluid movement. She stumbled forward until they were pressed against one of the carved stone walls.

Lapis could feel Jasper’s hardness against her, and she moaned, rubbing shamelessly against the larger gem and provoking a growl.

Jasper pushed the blue gem’s skirt up to her hips, revealing a distinct lack of undergarments. She broke into a fanged grin. “You really did miss me, didn’t you?”

“Just fuck me,” Lapis gasped, and the Quartz laughed. Her laugh became a moan as she rubbed her fingertips along the smaller gem’s slick slit.

“Oh, Lapis, you’re so  _ wet, _ ” she whimpered. Lapis just nodded, her eyes fluttering closed as she bucked her hips closer.

“The others...we should…” Jasper was struggling to keep herself in check. “We should stop.”

“N-No,” Lapis whined. “Please, Jasper,  _ please-- _ ”

Reluctantly, as if it was the hardest thing she’d ever done, Jasper drew her slick fingers up and away, causing Lapis to give an anguished cry and her lips to form a petulant pout. The Quartz sucked them slowly, savoring the taste on her tongue and trying not to dwell on the regret she already felt by stopping before this went further.

“Steven is upstairs,” she reminded Lapis sternly. “And the other gems. They’ll be waiting for us, and you don’t want them to find you like this, do you?” She couldn’t keep the small smile from her lips.

Lapis groaned, but nodded. Jasper lowered her gently to the ground, allowing her to find her feet and straighten her skirt. She shot Jasper a burning look. 

“Meet me at the Beta Kindergarten,” the water gem growled. “Tonight.”

“I wouldn’t miss it,” Jasper whispered, her voice catching. She held out her hand. “Shall we?”

Shakily, the two gems made their way up to the main floor of the Arena, each trying not to hold the other’s gaze for too long. At the top of the stair, the Crystal Gems gathered, as if awaiting their arrival.

Jasper laughed and Lapis blushed as they met the eager expressions of Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, Peridot, Stevonnie, Biggs, Ocean, Angel, and Bismuth.

“Don’t stop on our account,” Jasper smirked. “Isn’t this supposed to be a party?” Everyone except Amethyst had the decency to look shamefaced.

Garnet looked back and forth between the two gems. “Are things okay between the both of you?”

Lapis gazed up at Jasper, the intensity in her liquid blue eyes sending shocks through the larger gem and coloring her cheeks a deep crimson. “Yes,” she said firmly. “Yes, things are fine between us.”

Jasper tried to ignore the way Pearl’s gaze slid away and the slight disappointed twist of Peridot’s mouth. Amethyst nudged Ocean and grinned. “Pay up!” she whooped. Bismuth rolled her eyes affectionately.

Stevonnie took both gems’ hands and led them onto the dance floor. “It’s so nice to have this resolved,” they smiled. “Let’s enjoy the rest of the night, shall we? Sadie is giving a special performance.”

“What do you say, Lazuli?” Jasper whispered.

Lapis gave her a sly glance, her hand still entwined in the larger gem’s grasp. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

**

As the ball wore on, Jasper and Lapis separated to mingle with other gems. They struggled to avoid glancing at each other conspicuously, to cool the rumors and drama they knew could spread like wildfire amongst their friends. 

Still shaken, Lapis was somewhat flustered when Peridot appeared, an inscrutable look upon her face.

"Do you want to dance?" The green gem held out her hand.

"Oh!" Lapis blushed. "S-Sure, of course, Peri."

Peridot was quite a bit shorter than her, but they weren't the only mismatched pair on the dance floor. Somewhat clumsily, Lapis began to move with her friend to the music.

"So," Peridot's voice was low, but she couldn't hide the tinge of bitter curiosity. "You and Jasper, uh, you've made up with each other, huh?"

"W-Well," the blue gem stammered. "We agreed...we agreed to try and move forward."

"I take it you're not coming back to the country tonight, then?"

"No...no, I need some time. At my other residence. You know, to be alone." She tried to keep her voice steady.

"But you're not going to be alone, are you?" This time Peridot could not mask her sour tone. "I'm not stupid, Lapis."

"Peri, I…"

"It's okay." The green gem sighed. "I could never figure it out, the two of you. I don't understand why you would like  _ Jasper _ . But...I know you haven't been able to let her go. I know you're going there to be with her tonight."

"Peridot, I'm sorry," Lapis bit her lip. "I..I didn't mean to lie to you. I just didn't think you'd understand. I don't understand myself why...why I feel this way."

"I  _ don't  _ understand," Peridot grumbled. "I don't understand why you can't stay away from Jasper. I don't understand--not exactly--why some gems stay fused all the time, like Garnet, or why Pearl gets so worked up over Rose Quartz, or for that matter, why Rose Quartz gave up everything to make Steven with Greg. Is it because I've never fused?"

"I don't think that's it, Peri," Lapis comforted. "For me...this started before fusing. And I don't want to be Malachite again. I'm not sure these kind of feelings can ever be understood, really."

"Just...be careful, okay?" Peridot's voice quivered with anxiety. "And don't lie to me again, even if it's about  _ her _ . You're my best friend. I don't want anything to happen to you."

Lapis smiled, eyes prickling. "Thanks, Peridot. I promise not to lie anymore," she hugged the small gem close. "And I promise I'll take care of myself."

*

Across the Arena, Jasper guided Pearl through their own dance. She felt conflicted and confused, intoxicated by Lapis and the promise they’d made to steal away together but overwhelmed with guilt and remorse while Pearl was in her arms.

“Jasper,” Pearl’s voice was sharp. “Are you listening to me?”

The Quartz grimaced as she realized she had no memory of what the smaller gem had just said to her.

“Sorry,” she mumbled gruffly. “What did you say?”

Pearl shook her head with a small smile. “I said, stop looking so guilty. I had no illusions about where this was going, Jasper.”

Jasper blushed deeply. “Are--are you sure?”

“Rose--Pink--broke my heart,” Pearl said. “And with Steven...I learned to live and love again. And I’d do it all over again. I like to be intimate. I like to have fun. But I knew from the start with you what this was.” She reached up and cupped Jasper’s cheek gently. Jasper scowled and looked away.

“I’m just glad the two of you have worked something out,” Pearl continued matter-of-factly. “I hope it relieves the...not very subtle tension. The important thing is that you won’t fuse, or fight, or do something…” she trailed off, unable to find the right word.

“Stupid?” Jasper rolled her eyes. “You really keep us on a tight leash, don’t you?”

“That’s--that’s not what I said.” That delicious turquoise blush rose again in the smaller gem’s cheeks. “I just--we all remember how unstable the two of you can be together. The potential for--” she bit her lip. “Collateral damage.”

“We’re not exactly talking about fusing,” The Quartz growled. “Just--how did you put it?-- _ fun _ .” Her grin widened, revealing a fang. Pearl was reminded of the version of Jasper they had initially fought, all those months ago, trying to protect Beach City from Peridot and the Diamonds.

Pearl smirked. “That’s none of my business. Just don’t  _ make _ it my business.”

“You’re a Crystal Gem through and through, huh?” Jasper gave a barking laugh.

“Always.” Pearl grinned.

*

The party wound down and gems began to leave, in groups of friends, or pairs, or threes, or even fused. Almost no one left alone. Those remaining began to help clean up the Arena, leaving it in even more sparkling shape than when they’d arrived. 

There was a burst of light and a warm laugh, and Stevonnie fell elegantly into Steven and Connie. “That was so great!” Steven exclaimed. “What a wonderful way to welcome everybody to what life on Earth can be like!” Connie strode over to help Pearl wrap up decorations.

_ Life on Earth.  _ Jasper was forced to admit it wasn’t so bad, maybe. She gazed over at Lapis, who had enveloped Peridot and Bismuth in one last hug. A smile that Jasper had rarely seen lit up her face, and she felt a sudden ache. Her heart pounded in sudden nervous anticipation of the night they would spend together.

She and Biggs were folding up tables to hand to Ocean and Snowflake when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder. She turned in surprise to see Bismuth.

“Jasper,” her voice held its usual measure of warmth and steel edge. “Can I have a word?”

The Quartz had a feeling she knew what this was about. “You, too?” she teased. She passed the last table to Snowflake and followed Bismuth out of the way.

“Look,” the other gem ran a hand through her pastel locks. “I don’t know what you and Lapis have planned--”

Jasper rolled her eyes. “Actually, at this rate, I’m pretty sure every gem knows what Lapis and I have planned.”

“Well,” Bismuth rubbed the back of her neck, embarrassed. “Whatever. It’s not my--”

“ _ Bismuth _ ?” Jasper teased. “Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”

“Everyone thinks they’re sooo original,” Bismuth deadpanned. “Anyway. Y’all can make your own decisions. I like you; you’re a good worker, and we’ve never had a problem. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’ve heard some not-so-great stories about you.”

“You said that was in the past.” Jasper scowled. For gems who prized reinvention, they certainly liked to rub the things she’d done before being corrupted in her face.

“It’s in the past with  _ me _ ,” Bismuth emphasized. “Heaven knows I have my own regrets. But can you say the same for Lapis?”

“We...we both agreed to give it another shot. To try and start over.” Jasper wasn’t sure if she’d ever had this many uncomfortable conversations in this short of a timespan.

Bismuth held up her hands. “Okay. Okay, I’m gonna trust you. But don’t let anything happen to Lapis, you hear me? Because then we  _ will  _ have a problem.”

“I promise,” Jasper paused. “Nothing will happen to Lapis. Nothing she doesn’t want, anyway.” A streak of lust passed through her at the thought, and she smiled hungrily.

“Now that is more than I need to know,” Bismuth rolled her eyes. “All right, all right. Get out of here. Just--just treat her all right.”

“Bismuth, it’ll be fine,” Jasper waved the other gem off. “She’ll be fine.”

“Besides,” she laughed. “Why isn’t anyone worried about  _ me _ ?”

**


	15. Beta 2.0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Sky Arena ball, Jasper anxiously meets Lapis in her Beta kindergarten loft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters featured in chapter: Lapis Lazuli,   
Jasper (minor/mentioned: Peridot)
> 
> Place in timeline: The night of the Sky Arena ball
> 
> Tags/Warnings: Jasper, Lapis, Jaspis, Japis, sex, fucking, corruption dick, teasing, taunting, name calling, bratty sub, seduction, kissing, making out, blowjob, finger sucking, anal fingering, vaginal fingering, vaginal sex, breast play, arguing, making up, make up sex, aftercare, cuddles, enthusiastic consent

Despite her excitement, Jasper was oddly anxious as she approached Lapis’s door. Somehow, being in the water gem’s domain, in a place so fraught with insecurity and bad memories, the Quartz felt like an intruder--like she was encroaching on enemy territory. Still, with a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock.

The door swung wide before she had the chance. Lapis stood before her, still in her provocative party dress, looking her up and down with her lower lip between her teeth.

“Come in,” she murmured, after what felt like an eternity. Heart pounding, Jasper stepped inside. She looked more closely now at the rough-hewn sandstone walls, marbled in orange and russet the same way she was. 

“How can you...how could you…?” Jasper cleared her throat. “How could you stand to stay here? Didn’t it...did it not remind you of me?”

“I suppose--” Lapis sighed, glancing away. “It  _ does  _ remind me of you. Practically, no one would think that I would stay here, and they wouldn’t think to look for me, which gave me the privacy I need...but that’s partly an excuse. I guess--I guess I missed you more than even I knew.”

“Lapis,” Jasper’s voice broke. “Lapis, I have missed you. I’ve missed you so much.”

“Don’t get emotional on me,” but the smaller gem’s voice was thick, “That’s not why you’re here.”

“Why am I here?” Jasper growled. “Lapis...don’t you want to see that I've changed?” She fell to her knees, clasped Lapis’s hands in her own. Her mouth moved up the smaller gem’s arms, leaving trails of soft, hot kisses, leaving Lapis’s chest heaving and sending small sighs tumbling from her throat.

“I--I hope you haven’t changed  _ too  _ much,” the blue gem teased between gasps. “Don’t--don’t tell me you’ve spent too much time with Pearl.”

“Isn’t this what you want?” The smirk was evident in Jasper’s tone, and she fluttered her tongue along the inside of the slender wrist in her grasp.

Lapis groaned. “I thought you came here to just fucking  _ take  _ me.”

Jasper sucked the other gem’s fingertips into her mouth, and Lapis squirmed. “And  _ I  _ thought you wanted more than just sex,” she challenged. In spite of herself, she felt her self-control wavering, her determination to prove to Lapis that she was a new gem being quickly subsumed by the desire that engulfed them, especially with the water gem’s eager taunting.

“Did I say that?” Lapis moaned, a wry smile twisting her mouth. “I’m starting to regret it,” her voice was low and husky, almost a growl. 

“You are a slut,” Jasper snarled. She lifted Lapis into her arms, provoking a half-indignant, half-anticipatory cry. Their lips met, grinding together, rough and soft and challenging.

“You’re the only one who can do this to me,” Lapis replied. Hear head fell back, and Jasper’s mouth and tongue and teeth were on her throat, caressing, then biting, working her way down the low dip of her dress, flesh softening as her lips met the curve of Lapis’s breasts. The blue gem wound her fingers in the Quartz’s hair, feeling deliciously vulnerable, the large hands she had desired for so long holding her up, cupping her ass, sliding beneath the short wispy fabric of her dress. 

Jasper’s vision was hazy as she stumbled them towards the bed. Lust pounded through her and all the words she’d rehearsed, the reassurances she’d meant to utter, melted away. She had wanted to prove to Lapis that she’d changed, that she cared, that she would never use her or hurt her or misunderstand her again, but she found herself unable to focus in light of the other gem’s raw need.

“L-Lapis…” she panted. “Slow down. Let me savor you.” 

“I-I don’t  _ want  _ you to slow down,” Lapis gasped. She stuck out her lower lip in a petulant pout. “I want your cock, Jasper--” she reached eagerly towards the front of Jasper’s pants, provoking another groan. “I want you to fill me. I want you to. Fuck. Me.  _ Up.” _

The crotch of her pants felt unbearably tight as her hardness strained against the fabric, and the Quartz wanted nothing more than to take the blue gem at her word and push into her hot tight cunt. But a familiar flash of arrogance and anger twisted into her desire, and she suddenly relished the thought of forcing her eager lover to wait, to torment her with unfulfilled lust.

She tossed the smaller gem onto the bed. Lapis cried out, surprised and thrilled; she turned to look up into Jasper’s eyes with a small smirk and a fire in her gaze. The larger gem looked down at her, a smug grin playing at her lips, revealing those enticing fangs. Lapis recognized the stiffening of her shoulders, the way her fists curled in challenge, and she knew she wouldn’t get what she wanted without fighting for it.

“Jasperrrr,” she pouted. “Why won’t you just fuck me? I know you want to. I know you’ve been waiting to do this...you’re struggling to hold yourself back.”

“You’re not wrong,” Jasper whispered, voice crackling. “But torturing you sounds too fun to resist.” She slid her thick fingers into Lapis’s mouth, and the blue gem sucked eagerly, glaring daggers into her eyes. A sly look flashed into her blue eyes.

She didn’t stop at Jasper’s fingertips. She sucked them deep down her throat, relishing the way the Quartz’s eyes widened in surprise. She licked down the palm of her hand, clasping her wrist and bringing that forward to her mouth, too, sucking and biting at the tender flesh there. Jasper’s mouth fell open and her chest heaved. Lapis slithered up her, squeezing her forearms, pressing her breasts against Jasper’s throbbing crotch, standing on the bed to trace her tongue over the Quartz’s shoulders and biceps, sending shivers through the other gem as she hit those sensitive blue-green marks of corruption. She wondered if she could swallow her whole, possess and consume her the way her body seemed to desperately want to.

Lapis rubbed Jasper’s nipples through her dress shirt, sneering at the peaks that formed and revealed the other gem’s gasping lust to her. With both hands, she tore the shirt open, sending buttons scattering to the floor. A thick sports bra encased the other gem’s breasts.

“Take this off,” the blue gem snarled.

“Who decided you were in charge?” Jasper shot back, but she was already reaching beneath the band to tug it over her head. 

“I did,” Lapis growled. “And you’ll do as I say, if you know what’s good for you.”

Jasper barked a laugh. “I could overtake you so  _ easily.  _ Don’t get cocky.”

“But you didn’t,” the other gem grinned. “Even though I gave you that chance. Don’t pretend you don’t want it this way.”

“You’re right,” Jasper smirked. “I love a fight.”

“Fucking Quartz,” Lapis rolled her eyes and pinched the other gem’s nipples so hard she yelped in pain. Before the ache could fade, she slurped one into her mouth noisily, provoking Jasper into gripping her by the hair in fevered need. She relished the sting in her scalp as she suckled the larger gem, running her hands over her rock-hard stomach and teasing at her waistband.

The teasing didn’t last long before she disengaged from the other gem’s soft, luscious breasts, focusing her attention on ripping open the button and zipper of her slacks. Jasper moaned as her sex protruded forward, pushing eagerly into Lapis’s waiting hand.

The smaller gem rubbed her through the fabric of her boxers, sending shakes through Jasper’s hips and making her snarl. She pushed the waistband of these down, too, revealing the whole of the orange gem’s discolored length and sighing with desire.

She stroked her fingertips up and down it, rubbing the ball of her thumb over the tip and drawing out a bead of slick liquid. Her eyes never left Jasper’s as she sank to her knees on the bed and took the whole head into her mouth.

Jasper cried out, her hips bucking uncontrollably at the warmth and wet of Lapis’s mouth, the jolts of the blue gem’s tongue as it taunted and teased around her shaft. Lapis took her deeper than she’d thought possible, engulfing her in delicious suction, driving her crazy with the laps and flutters of her skilled tongue.

“O-Ohhh…” Jasper threw her head back and moaned, any shame at her naked lust lost in the waves of sensation. Lapis sucked harder, eagerly taking her down her soft throat, driving her wild with feelings she hadn’t thought were even possible. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she burst, unable to control her body in the face of the other gem’s relentless ministrations.

She bucked hard as she tumbled over that edge, thick hot liquid shooting into the water gem’s mouth, making her grunt and groan as Lapis only gulped harder. She bent in two, her hands shaking on the smaller gem’s shoulders, fingers nearly touching that elegant tear-shaped gem; her eyes fluttered closed and she strained to keep herself upright so that she didn’t knock the smaller gem over.

As the quaking passed, leaving her sweating and gasping, Lapis pulled her mouth free with a slow, wet  _ pop.  _ Her eyes flashed in triumph at the strands of white hair that stuck to Jasper’s forehead and cheeks, the heaviness in her golden eyes as she looked down at Lapis, too overcome with pleasure to speak.

Her paralysis did not last long as the sudden, furious need to take Lapis down a notch--to make her feel the orgasmic rush and helplessness that she felt--came over her.

Lapis grinned as she relished the blazing desire in Jasper's gaze. She knew what effect her taunting and the attentions of her mouth and tongue had on the Quartz, and she could hardly wait to get what was coming to her. Now that she'd finally allowed herself to open to the other gem's lust without sadness or anger or shame, she found her own appetite to be bottomless.

Catching her breath, Jasper flipped the smaller gem over, tossing her onto her stomach on top of the mattress and provoking a yelp. Lapis twisted to look at her over her shoulder, her face alight with curiosity and excitement that made the Quartz's heart pound. Jasper indulged in the beauty of the water gem's features, her slender form, the shining gem between her shoulder blades and the soft curve of her hips and ass beneath her dress. She ran her fingertips lightly over Lapis's back, caressing her gem sensually, taking her time to enjoy the way Lapis's eyes fluttered shut and the way her mouth fell open in a soft groan at the sensitive touch. She trailed her palm over soft azure skin, finally able to enjoy what she'd been wanting for so long. 

Lapis felt like she was unspooling as her body responded to Jasper's gentle touch. Her shoulders stiffened as those fingers brushed her gem, fear cramping her muscles in an echo, but before long she relaxed into the amazing vulnerability of the feeling. Jasper's hands engulfed her, sliding up the back of her neck to tease at her hairline, tracing their way around her teardrop, cupping around her ribs and waist and hips. She felt a gentle tug at the bow that held her halter dress up as the other gem pulled it loose; those large hands slid around to clasp and knead her breasts, rolling the nipples firmly between thumb and forefinger and making her shake and whimper in desperation.

"Jasper," she gasped. "Please. Please fuck me."

Jasper pushed her dress down lower, around her hips, and moved her hands down to stroke over her soft tummy. "Not yet," she murmured. "I told you I wanted to savor you."

"You're torturing me," Lapis whined.

"After all we've been through,  _ this  _ is the torture?" Jasper smirked. "You greedy little brat."

Dazed, Lapis nodded her head in feverish agreement. 

The larger gem slid the dress from Lapis's hips and sent it pooling to the floor, where the water gem hastily stepped out of it. Completely bare, she felt more vulnerable and excited than ever, and she longed for Jasper to slide those delicious fingers somewhere else. 

Jasper admired the blue gem's ass, upturned on the bed and begging to be taken. She forced herself to continue slowly, pinching it in her fingers and cupping the pillowy flesh. She wanted to bring her palm down in a sharp slap, but stopped herself before she could get carried away. Instead, she traced her thumb along Lapis's dripping slit, eliciting a long, low moan.

But even as she teased around her entrance, she continued to move that slickness upwards.

"Tell me if this hurts, and I'll stop, okay?" She whispered, before pushing her finger into Lapis's tight ass.

Lapis yelled at the unexpected sensation. It was so sensitive, almost unbearably so, with even just one of Jasper's fingers filling her exquisitely. "O-Oh!" she cried. "Ohhh, that feels so good..." Her voice was helpless and slurred with need.

Jasper gave a laugh that became a groan. “Yeah?” She began to slow push in and out. “Whore. You’ve always been so good at taking me, no matter what I have to give you.”

Lapis buried her face in the sheets and nodded. Her breath came in tiny whimpers, the overwhelming pleasure sending shocks through her body. Every time she tightened, that unbearable sensation swept through her, making her bite her lip until she tasted blood. Jasper continued to stretch and fill her, driving her wild, making her cunt drip until she could feel hot wetness kissing the insides of her thighs. 

The Quartz struggled to be gentle, to keep her lust from overwhelming her and driving her to aggression. Lapis’s tight heat was making her crazy, and every flutter and clench around her finger reminded her of just how much power she had over the smaller gem, how easily she could reduce her to a shaking mess. She curled her finger in suddenly, harder than intended, forgetting to be careful.

“Ahhhh!” Lapis bucked and threw her head back as she came, clamping down on the larger gem and shaking until her knees trembled. She grasped handfuls of the sheet in sweaty fists, barely keeping herself from sliding off the bed as pleasure overtook her. Jasper reached under her with her free hand, stabilizing her quaking body and pulling her close. When she felt Lapis’s body go limp, she gently, slowly slid herself free.

The blue gem rolled onto her back, breathing heavily, gazing up at Jasper with glazed and heavy-lidded eyes.

“Was--was that all right?” Jasper panted. She was hard again, her sex obvious and erect, and Lapis raked her eyes over the Quartz’s naked form hungrily. The blue gem slid her own fingers between her legs and brought them up for Jasper to see, showing off how soaked she was. The other gem growled.

“Uh huh,” Lapis gasped. “Are you ready to fuck me up?”

Jasper’s grin turned sinister, and she reached down to stroke herself, moving up and down luxuriously, displaying her hard length to the sneering gem on the bed beneath her. “I think you can see for yourself,” she laughed.

“Come here,” Lapis turned herself slightly so that she was completely on the bed. She spread her legs and began to pinch and twist her nipples, her eyes never leaving Jasper’s cock.

“ _ You  _ come here,” Jasper clambered onto the bed above her, yanking the blue gem by the ankle until she lined up with her dripping cunt. She rubbed herself eagerly against Lapis’s slit, and the water gem closed her eyes with a moan, gripping Jasper’s muscular forearms as she bucked back.

“Pound into me,” she growled.

Jasper did not need to be told twice. She drew back, and in one swift movement, thrust into Lapis’s waiting body.

For a moment, neither of them moved. Lips parted, Lapis allowed herself to feel every inch of Jasper inside her, stretching and filling. Their eyes locked together as they sighed in mutual lust and relief for the heat in their bodies.

"Oh  _ fuck _ ," Jasper breathed, overwhelmed by the tight wet heat of Lapis surrounding her, the feeling she'd craved even better than she'd imagined. "O-Oh fuck... _ Lapis _ …"

Lapis whimpered in reply, loving the sudden sensation of being complete, with the other gem buried inside her. She began to grind her hips into Jasper's, pulling her in deeper and provoking a growl and a snarl from the larger gem. They began to move in sync, slowly at first, savoring each other, then faster and faster as lust and pressure built between them. Jasper loved the way the blue gem's lips parted as she gasped, the sting of her fingernails as she gripped the Quartz's biceps and shoulders, goading her forward and driving her wild with pleasure. Lapis gazed into the larger gem's half-lidded eyes, relishing in the pure golden desire she saw there, the way the tendons in her neck showed as she let her head fall back, the soft curves of her breasts and the glint of her fangs. The water gem wanted nothing more than to completely consume her.

Their grunts and groans increased in pitch as they rocked each other, their movements becoming sloppy and frantic as they lost control in the waves of sensation. Lapis cried out as she hurtled over the edge, convulsing under Jasper and burying her teeth in the larger gem's shoulder to keep from screaming as she came around her. Jasper roared and burst as blinding pain from the sudden bite and pleasure from the tightening of Lapis's cunt combined inside her.

Clasping each other, they shook in shared ecstasy, allowing their bodies to cool and breathing to slow before Jasper pulled out and collapsed on the bed next to her lover. Lapis groaned and stretched, her whole body falling limp; the Quartz gathered her in one hand and pulled her close. The water gem buried her face in the spot where Jasper's soft breast met her shoulder, wrapping her arms as far as she could around the larger gem, draping her legs overtop her and feeling her thigh brush against her rapidly softening cock. "You feel...so good…" she sighed. She laid in the warm crook of Jasper's arm, enjoying the feeling of being completely surrounded by the larger, stronger gem. Her breathing slowed as she began to come down off the high of their session in bed together.

Lazily, she traced the blue-green circles that marred Jasper's wrist. "You know," she said, "I like the way these look on you."

Jasper stiffened. "Yeah?" Her voice was cautious, as if trying to stay casual, but Lapis could feel how tense she was talking about it.

"I understand why you might not," she began, "but to me...it feels like these scars represent a new YOU. One who isn't so angry, scared, and determined to hurt other people."

Jasper flushed. "I suppose I could try to take that as a compliment."

Lapis turned to look up at her with a slight frown. "I missed you, Jasper, and I like spending time with you now, but you have to admit you made a series of incredibly stupid decisions when you first came to Earth."

The bigger gem looked abashed and a little defensive. "You didn't exactly make the best choices, either."

"No, I didn't," Lapis conceded. "Taking the barn to the moon was pretty low even for me. But I didn't try to hurt anyone."

"You hurt me plenty when we were bound as Malachite!"

"Don't change the subject," Lapis hated the snap in her voice. "You instigated that, and I've already apologized. But I didn't stalk you after. Or try to shatter Amethyst. Or fuse with a corrupted gem!"

Jasper sighed. "I thought you were over this. How many times do I have to apologize? You rejected me on the boat, and then I left you alone, right? And after--after last time, you told me you wanted space, and I gave it to you! I've made up with Amethyst--she isn't even mad at me for that anymore! And the fusion--" she paused, voice breaking.

"You tell me you like my scars," she said softly, "but you're still disgusted by my corruption."

"Jasper, no, I didn't mean it like that…"

"Then how did you mean it, huh? I'm disgusted enough with myself. I don't need you to remind me!" Her voice was rising, and Lapis sensed they were headed into another one of their fights. 

"Jasper," she said sternly, "I'm sorry. I just...just don't understand. How could you have done that? Is that how--how meaningless fusion was to you?"

"Is THAT what you're mad about?" Jasper's voice was incredulous. "Lapis, come on! I just wanted to win a fight!"

"Exactly!" Lapis's tone was exasperated. "Even after fusing with me, after saying I'd changed you, that I'd made you understand about fusion, you went and--and did that!"

"Look, it was a bad idea, all right? Even by my standards...I completely disregarded my tactical training. I should have stopped and analyzed the battle, instead I acted on emotion. Heh. I guess this planet  _ does _ corrupt everything it touches." She said bitterly.

"That's not what I mean, Jasper," Lapis glanced away.

"Well, what  _ do  _ you mean?" The bigger gem was perplexed. "Why can't you ever just  _ say  _ what you mean, instead of being so damn confusing?"

"Well it's not confusing to everyone!" Lapis snapped. "You're just being a--a---"

"What?" Jasper's temper was flaring despite her attempts to control it. "What am I being this time?"

"A big dumb clod!" Lapis yelled. They both paused, glaring at each other.

Jasper snorted in irritation, then smirked. "Isn't that Peridot's favorite word?"

"Yes," Lapis admitted. "It just slipped out."

"You spend too much time with her," Jasper laughed.

"I spend too much time with  _ you _ ," Lapis punched the Quartz on the arm playfully, prompting another chuckle.

"I'm sorry, Jasper. It's...it's really hard for me to say what I mean, or ask for what I want. Part of surviving in a mirror, and before that--during the war, as part of Blue Diamond's court--relied on telling others what  _ they  _ wanted to hear, to flatter and charm and manipulate to get what I want."

"Wow." Jasper said, "That explains so much."

"You're so strong and intimidating, you can afford to be blunt." Lapis sighed.

"So...do you really like my scars?" The other gem asked shyly. "Is that something you meant?"

"Yes, I meant that," the blue gem said soothingly. "I get so upset about your corruption because...because I thought that I'd gotten through to you, a little, as Malachite. That I'd shown you that fusion could be about more than fighting. It felt so intimate with you. When you did that with another gem, a corrupted gem, I felt used. Like what we had didn't matter and was sick, dirty, just another tool of your revenge." She bit her lip. "And then...they told me you'd been corrupted, and bubbled. I thought--I thought I'd never see you again. The others thought I'd be relieved, and I tried to pretend to feel that way, but I was so hurt. I was so mad at you! And...I still missed you."

"I had no idea you felt that way," Jasper blushed. "Listen, Lapis--it wasn't anything like what we had! Fusing with the corrupted gem was...horrible. It was worlds away from being with you. And I-I missed you so much. It drove me crazy. I was desperate, but I knew I'd made a mistake the moment I did it. I just wanted to feel a fraction of the way I'd felt with you."

Jasper used one large thumb to gently wipe a tear from the blue gem's cheek. "Do you feel better? After talking about it?"

"Yes," Lapis sniffled. "How about you?"

The larger them thought. "I guess...a little better. I'm glad you don't hate my scars. I guess I'm still getting used to this whole 'talking it out' thing."

Lapis gave a small smile. "You are getting better at it."

"Look, if you're upset, just tell me, okay? Let's hash it out!" Jasper exclaimed. "Even if we end up fighting, I'd rather get the anger out than let you bottle it up."

"You only say that because fighting me usually leads to something else," Lapis teased.

Jasper grinned, then rolled Lapis onto her back, prompting a yelp. The bigger gem began to run her hands over Lapis's hips and kiss down her neck. "Is that such a bad thing?" She growled.

Lapis pushed her back against the bed and resumed her position against Jasper’s side. “Take a break, Quartz,” she laughed. Her expression turned serious. “I just want...I just want you here now. With me.”

Jasper cupped one hand against the smaller gem's ass and the other against the gem on her back, unwilling to let her go. "Mmm…" she murmured, pressing her lips to Lapis's mussed hair. "It feels great to finally  _ hold  _ you." Emotion welled in her words.

The water gem tilted her head up to meet Jasper's gaze. Her eyes swam, too, and she brushed her fingers against the russet stripe of her cheek. "I've missed you, Jasper, I really did," she took a breath. "I feel...this feels...I've wanted this so bad. It...it's so good to just--just give in…" her voice broke.

With a grunt, the larger gem turned onto her side to better look at Lapis, her hand shifting to the smaller gem's hip. She didn't ever want to let her go. "'Give in?'"

“Yeah,” Lapis’s voice was small and soft. “I’ve--I’ve been craving you, craving this, since we unfused. I wanted so badly to say yes to you on the boat, to go with you, but you...you wanted to fuse again. And I couldn’t do that. Not when I’d just found my freedom.”

Jasper sighed and rubbed her temple. She’d forgotten how exhausting talking to Lapis could be, how good the other gem was at finding and probing through her memories and insecurities. “Why couldn’t you just have  _ told  _ me that? On the boat? If you’d said ‘Hey, Jasper, I don’t want to fuse, I want  _ this _ ’ we could’ve...I would’ve…” she trailed off.

Lapis looked at her seriously. “Would you have stopped trying to go after Steven and the Crystal Gems? Would you have renounced Yellow Diamond and Homeworld? Would you have stopped pressuring me to form Malachite, if you were convinced that was what you wanted?”

Jasper winced. “I guess...I don’t know.” She sighed. "You're probably right. I didn't even realize...I didn't realize what I wanted, really, until Pearl and I talked about fusion and sex and romance," she laughed. "I guess I am dense."

“You can say that again," Lapis rolled her eyes, but her lips twitched into a smile. "I can't believe it took  _ Pearl  _ to make you a better person. Why not me, huh?"

"That's not exactly how it happened," Jasper protested. She smirked and brought her hand teasingly between the water gem's legs. " _ You're  _ too much of a petulant little brat."

Lapis slapped her hand away. "But you love it," she grinned.

"I do," the Quartz laughed. "You  _ did  _ start to change me, when we were fused. It was the first time I'd questioned everything I'd been taught, and it broke me. Fighting the Crystal Gems...the things they did, how they acted...it made no sense to me. It wasn't until after the healing that I really started to realize how wrong I'd been about--about everything. I  _ am  _ dense. Amethyst, Bismuth, the other Quartzes, Steven, Pearl, you...you've all helped me see what kind of gem I want to be."

"Wow," Lapis murmured softly. "Jasper, I...I really appreciate that you're changing. I like that you can tell me how you feel."

Jasper flushed and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm still getting used to things," she chuckled, then looked seriously at Lapis. "Do you think you can be patient with me?"

Lapis looked intensely into the other gem's gaze. "What kind of gem  _ do  _ you want to be?" She asked.

Jasper brought the blue gem's hand to her mouth and kissed it tenderly. 

"Yours," she replied.

**


	16. Jaspis Playlist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello! With the holiday madness, I haven't quite finished the next chapter, and I'm still working on what direction I want to go with it. Rather than upload something subpar, I decided to post a Jaspis-themed playlist for the new year: lots, and lots, and lots of songs that are either applicable to this sexy tortured romance of a ship or that I listened to on repeat while writing this. I would say it's about 95% my fave genre--"girls with guitars"--with a few unexpected, nostalgic, or just plain gay tracks thrown in. Hope you enjoy, discover some new music, think about Jasper and Lapis fighting and doing...other activities...to these songs, get off, and rock out. Cheers!

Jaspis Playlist

“Bad Idea”- Girl in Red

“Marceline the Vampire Queen Medley (Slow Dance and Francis Forever)”- Olivia Olson

“Because the Night”- Garbage and The Screaming Females (cover; orig. Patti Smith)

“Hold Back the River”- James Bay

“Go Crazy”- Orla Gartland

“Did It To Myself”- Orla Gartland

“I’ll Make You Sorry”- The Screaming Females

“Hopeless”- The Screaming Females

“Glass House”- The Screaming Females

“Black Moon”- The Screaming Females

“Ripe”- The Screaming Females

“Lemon Eyes”- Meg Myers

“Running Up That Hill”- Meg Myers (cover; orig. )

“Numb”- Meg Myers

“Jealous Sea”- Meg Myers

“Desire”- Meg Myers

“After You”- Meg Myers

“Sorry”- Meg Myers

“Monster”- Meg Myers

“Apocalyptic”- Halestorm

“Painkiller”- Halestorm

“Gold Dust Woman”- Halestorm (cover; orig. Fleetwood Mac)

“I Hate Myself for Loving You”- Halestorm cover and Joan Jett original

“Bet U Wish U Had Me Back”- Halestorm

“Uncomfortable”- Halestorm

“Shatter Me”- Halestorm and Lindsey Stirling

“Bad Romance”- Halestorm (cover; orig. Lady Gaga)

“Still of the Night”- Halestorm (cover; orig. Whitesnake)

“I Get Off”- Halestorm

“I Want You (She’s So Heavy)”- Halestorm (cover; orig. The Beatles)

“Do Not Disturb”- Halestorm

“Gonna Get Mine”- Halestorm

“Conflicted”- Halestorm

“It’s Not You”- Halestorm

“What Were You Expecting”- Halestorm

“Dirty Work”- Halestorm

“All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You”- Halestorm (cover; orig. Heart)

“Buzz”- Halestorm

“Mz. Hyde”- Halestorm

“I Like It Heavy”- Halestorm

“Love Bites (So Do I)”- Halestorm

“I Miss the Misery”- Halestorm

“Mayhem”- Halestorm

“Vicious”- Halestorm

“You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing”- Halestorm

“Control”- Halsey

“Ocean Eyes”- Billie Eilish

“Hostage”- Billie Eilish

“I’m On Fire”- Coyote Grace cover and Bruce Springsteen Original

“The Chain”- Fleetwood Mac

“An Unusual Kiss”- Melissa Etheridge

“I Really Like You”- Melissa Etheridge

“I’m the Only One”- Melissa Etheridge

“Come to My Window”- Melissa Etheridge

“Your Little Secret”- Melissa Etheridge

“You Oughta Know”- Alanis Morisette

“Sunny Came Home”- Shawn Colvin

“Gasoline”- Jann Arden

“Insensitive”- Jann Arden

“Crucify”- Tori Amos

“Don’t Mess With Me”- Brody Dalle

“This Is Gospel”- Panic!At the Disco

“Violet”- Hole

“Celebrity Skin”- Hole

“Northern Star”- Hole

“Awful”- Hole

“Miss World”- Hole

“Make A Move”- Icon For Hire

“Make Me Wanna Die”- The Pretty Reckless

“Zombie”- The Pretty Reckless

“Jolene”- The White Stripes (cover; orig. Dolly Parton)

“Drain the Blood”- The Distillers

“Wolves At The Door”- Bad Seed Rising

“Hey Kid”- Bad Seed Rising

“Dance Inside”- The All-American Rejects

“You Were Meant for Me”- Jewel

“The Sky Is a Poisonous Diamond”- Concrete Blonde

“Goodbye, Wendy”- Concrete Blonde

“The Beast”- Concrete Blonde

“Everybody Knows”- Concrete Blonde

“Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)”- Concrete Blonde

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot”- Pat Benatar

“Everywhere”- Michelle Branch

“All You Wanted”- Michelle Branch

“Breakfast At Tiffany’s”- Deep Blue Something

“Hey Jealousy”- Gin Blossoms

“Inside Out”- Eve6

“Stay (I Missed You)”- Lisa Loeb

“The Sharpest Lives”- My Chemical Romance

“I Want You”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Crimson and Clover”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Treadin’ Water”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Love Is Pain”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“As I Am”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Fetish”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Desire”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Bits and Pieces”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Why Can’t We Be Happy”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Handyman”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Just Lust”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“I Still Dream About You”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“You Want In, I Want Out”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Torture”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Rubber and Glue”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Naked”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Bad Time”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Baby Blue”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Five”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Any Weather”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“Bad As We Can Be”- Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

“She Talks to Angels”- Black Crowes

“Kiss It”- Dorothy

“Raise Hell”- Dorothy

“Wild One”- Suzi Quatro

“Call Me When You’re Sober”- Evanescence

  
  
  
  



	17. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's baaack. Sorry for the long hiatus, between Christmas, postpartum depression med switching, my baby's first birthday, a minor surgery and the flu hitting Skiota and my's whole household, I have not had the time or energy to write like I wanted to. But I do wanna finish this work, and while I hesitate to guarantee a set update time, I'm hoping to wrap it up nicely before maybe working on an SU:Future based Jaspis work or publishing some smut with some older OCs lurking on my computer.
> 
> This chapter involves some of Jasper and Lapis's torrid affair following their tryst after th he Sky Arena Ball, and the struggles of negotiating a relationship of sorts with their past and their friends. Jasper and Peridot also face off, and needless to say, it does not go well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters in chapter: Lapis, Jasper, Peridot, Amethyst, Pearl, Garnet, Steven, Biggs Jasper, Lace Amethyst, Zebra Quartz, Angel Aura, Blue Lace Agate, Ocean Jasper
> 
> Minor/mentioned: Bismuth 
> 
> Place in timeline: After "Beta 2.0"

Jasper awoke to sunlight streaming through a gap in the curtains, leading the orange striped walls to practically glow as it filtered in.

_ Beta,  _ she thought ruefully, suppressing a groan. The never-ending heat and light of the sun was ever-present in this bittersweet place. Blearily, she noted a familiar stiffness between her legs...and it was exacerbated by the small blue gem in her arms.

Jasper grinned at Lapis's soft snores, the way she lay on her side with one arm thrown over her head, her messy blue hair and the gleam of the gem on her back. The Quartz surrounded her in the larger-spoon position, and was treated to a view of her elegant back, the curve of her hip, and her tight, round ass. At some point in the night, Lapis had phased on a navy blue nightgown, and it was cut low in the back and high on her thighs, clinging to her sleeping form in such a way as to leave little to the imagination.

Not that Jasper had to imagine much. Her pulse quickened and she smirked as she mentally rehashed the previous evening: Lapis in her party dress, their dance, her intoxicating kisses, her lustful pleading, the eager roughness of their sex. The length between her thighs pulsed and she nested into the blue gem, burying her face in her hair and pressing herself into that soft curvaceous backside. She traced a large hand down the smaller gem's hip and kissed her neck tenderly.

Lapis groaned and stretched, pushing further into the Quartz and provoking a sigh of pleasure. "Jasper," she mumbled sleepily, "Get off…"

Jasper smirked. "No," she said. "I can't get enough of you. You feel too good."

"Mmmhmm," Lapis was still tired, but not too exhausted to grin wickedly. "Need more, Quartz?"

"I think you can feel that I do," Jasper replied. The blue gem turned over and wrapped her arms around the larger gem's neck, pressing her crotch against Jasper's hardness.

"It's a bit obvious," Lapis teased.

Jasper gasped, breath catching, her hips grinding back against her lover. Gently, she flipped Lapis back over, prompting a squeal. "Turn over," she growled. "I like the view from here."

Lapis ground her ass between Jasper's legs. "Oh, is this how you want me?" She asked, feigning innocence.

The Quartz pushed her nightgown up to her hips, revealing her dripping blue slit. She slid her hand beneath the water gem's ass to stroke her cunt, and bent to kiss between Lapis's shoulder blades and trace her gem with her tongue. Lapis moaned in earnest.

"How--how do you feel so good?" The blue gem sighed.

"Practice," Jasper teased, and Lapis gave a snort and a laugh that the larger gem found adorable.

She slid one finger into Lapis's waiting body, then two; the other gem took her easily, already wet and ready. Jasper phased out of her boxers and rubbed the head of her throbbing cock against that slit before pushing slowly inside.

"Ohhhh," they both moaned in mutual pleasure and relief, and Jasper began to rock her hips gently, slowly stretching the smaller gem around her and savoring her heat. Soft cries tumbled from Lapis's mouth and she pushed backward, driving Jasper deeper and gripping the sheet in a clenched fist. With her other hand, she reached between her thighs to rub her clit while the larger gem fucked her.

They moved in sync, still slow and sleepy, but soon their pulses raced and the pleasure began to crest. Jasper gripped Lapis's hip more roughly as she thrust in and out, her movements becoming faster as her climax overtook her. She threw her head back with a snarl as she came, and seconds later, Lapis's cunt clenched tightly around her as she cried out her orgasm.

They resumed gentle and slow movements, drawing out the waves of ecstasy before pulling apart. Panting, Jasper pulled Lapis in close, then rolled her over for a deep, long kiss. Lapis opened her mouth wide and sighed into the embrace.

**

Their trysts continued, building in frequency and intensity. Sometimes Jasper would arrive at the loft first; other times, it was Lapis who waited. They fought, often, and frequently those altercations grew physical. But they always ended the same way. 

Soon neither of them hurled arguments with any conviction, and it was clear to them both that fighting was more of a bizarre sort of foreplay than an honest expression of anger.

“I told you we’re no good for each other,” Lapis huffed, lying sweaty on the bed next to the larger gem. This was perhaps her fifth half-hearted attempt to break up—the other four attempts had been initiated by Jasper. “What we’re doing…it doesn’t make any sense.”

Jasper nuzzled into Lapis’s neck, eager for more. “Why does it have to make sense?”

Lapis pushed her away. “No one else is going to understand this!”

“I thought we agreed that no one  _ needs  _ to understand this.”

“Please, Jasper,” Lapis scoffed, pushing herself up onto one elbow. “We’re not even trying to be careful. They all suspect something is up. Steven and Amethyst keep asking me if I’m okay, and Bismuth and Peridot have each cornered me twice now to try and figure out what I do when I’m ‘alone’ so often.”

Jasper thought for a second. Something made sense to her that hadn’t before. “Huh,” she said, “I wondered why Amethyst had gotten so nosy. But you know them—all they do is talk about each other’s  _ feelings.  _ I figured they just do that to every gem.”

Lapis smiled indulgently. Jasper could be so dense. “I mean, they  _ do.  _ But the types of things they’re asking…” she rolled her eyes. “Peridot is transparent—she asked if I’d been hanging out ‘with anyone big’ lately. And Pearl not-so-cryptically mentioned that she knew it could be hard to…ah… ‘stay away from a Quartz.’”

Jasper blushed.

The blue gem stifled a giggle. “I just don’t want their suspicions to lead to anything…I’d hate you to come here to find the Crystal Gems angry and ready to bubble you.”

Jasper smirked, “As if.”

“Don’t be so arrogant! And it’d be even worse if…” Lapis blushed, “…they walked in on something else, and got the wrong idea.”

Jasper sighed and rolled onto her back. She could tell Lapis wasn’t going to drop this so easily. “So what do we do?”

Lapis sat up. “We have to pretend to become friends. In front of them. Give some pretext as to why we’d spend time together.”

“You mean—lie?” Jasper scoffed. “Lapis, this is a terrible idea. I can’t  _ act.  _ You’re the one who’s good at all this planning and manipulating--” Lapis scowled, “—I just follow orders.”

The smaller gem grinned maliciously, swinging herself up until she straddled Jasper. She ran her hands lasciviously over her breasts and belly, prompting a moan and welcome hardness from the gem beneath her. She held a finger to Jasper’s lips.

“Then  _ follow orders. _ ”

**

Lapis sat on a beach chair in front of the temple, trying to ignore her pounding heart. Maybe this was a terrible idea. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot were also outside, enjoying the breeze off the water. She had known they’d all be in Beach City today.

She bit her bottom lip as she saw a familiar hulking figure coming up the beach. Quickly, she averted her eyes, pretending to be absorbed in the book she was reading.

As Jasper neared the steps, the others caught sight of her. Pearl’s brow furrowed and Peridot glanced quickly and guiltily toward Lapis. Amethyst looked at Garnet. “Should I go down…?”

Jasper had ascended the steps before she could finish the sentence. She looked awkwardly at the group of them, caught off guard by the large audience. “Uhhh…hi.” She looked frantically at Lapis, who groaned inwardly at the utter and complete failure at subtlety. She gave the tiniest nod.

“Hello, Jasper,” Pearl said coolly. “Can we help you with something?”

“Uhh, yeah,” Jasper stammered, “I have this uh, this thing. This phone,” she pulled it out of her pocket, “Can—can someone show me how to use it? Since you, um, all use it to communicate. On this planet?” She glanced again to Lapis for reassurance. Lapis resisted the urge to cover her face with her hands.

She spoke up before anyone else could. “I can show you, Jasper.” Her voice was smooth and expressionless, clipped and precise to hide the nervousness she was feeling. She made a point to read up to the end of the sentence she was on, and snapped the book shut.

The other gems looked between them as if watching a volleyball match. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea…” Peridot started, her tone anxious. “Um, Garnet, do you think…? Maybe Amethyst could help you instead? Or one of the other Quartzes?”

Jasper blushed a dark red. This was not how this was supposed to go. She stared awkwardly at Lapis, who tried to salvage the interaction.

“No, really, I don’t mind--” she began.

Garnet cut her off. “I don’t see any potential harm in this.” Her face was characteristically blank, but Jasper could feel three eyes boring into her from behind the glasses and began to sweat nervously.

“Well, uh, good,” she said, louder than she’d intended. “Thanks Lapis.”

“Here,” Lapis walked over and took the phone from Jasper. They both blushed as their hands touched. “We have to start by turning it on.”

“Maybe we could meet up? And you could, uh, give me lessons?” Jasper suggested.

“Phone lessons,” Peridot remarked dryly, rolling her eyes. “Are you kidding? It takes all of five minutes to learn how to operate a phone. Well, maybe an hour, for you.”

Jasper made an effort not to rise to the insult. Lapis continued, “I could teach you about other Earth things, too, not just phones.”

“That’s a great idea!” Steven cried, coming out onto the porch to see who everyone was talking to.   
  
Jasper blushed again. “Wow, you’d do that Lapis?” she felt her heart involuntarily flutter and tried to look pleasantly surprised as the other gems looked on.    
  
Her golden eyes looked to each gem but Garnet’s lips had the slightest smile.  _ She knows, _ Jasper groaned inwardly. 

“I’m a Crystal Gem now; you all are so busy helping all the other uncorrupted gems. I want to help, too.” Lapis hoped her smile seemed sincere.

“Great!” Jasper’s voice was oddly relieved. “Can you, uh, put your number in here…?”

**

Shortly after Jasper left, Lapis excused herself and slipped inside the house. She didn’t want to face a barrage of questions. She heaved a sigh and didn’t notice Pearl coming in behind her.

“What was  _ that _ ?” Pearl hissed. “ _ Phone lessons?” _

“I-I just want to help,” Lapis stuttered. “You know—help her acclimate to Earth.”

“There are plenty of other gems who need acclimating, and you’ve never been this enthusiastic before.” Pearl scowled. “No one’s fooled--we all know why you want to spend time with Jasper.”

Lapis bit her lip, trying to come up with a good answer. What was happening to her? She’d been so careful, on Earth, to protect herself; now she was bending over backwards to spend as much time as she could with the gem who’d hurt her, even lying to her friends.

“You guys are always trying to help each other move on and forgive. You showed me that I can leave my past behind and start a new life. Doesn’t Jasper deserve the same courtesy?”

Pearl stared. “Lapis, you two have a pretty awful track record. Any other gem can help Jasper, and you can help any other gem! I know you probably want closure, but are you sure you’re going to get it?”

“It’s not about that,” Lapis said softly, “Or at least, not only about that. I can do this, Pearl. I’ll be fine.”

“Well, Garnet didn’t object, and I trust her,” Pearl sighed. She gave Lapis a knowing look. “I have a feeling I  _ do  _ know what this is about. You’re not the only one who keeps secrets.” She smirked.

“But if you’re doing what I think you’re doing, be discreet, okay? Steven  _ must never know. _ ”

Lapis sighed dejectedly. So much for subtle.

**

Jasper walked back down the beach, relieved the charade was over. She wasn’t sure she’d convinced any of them of anything, but at least if she and Lapis were seen together, it wouldn’t come as a shock.

“Earth lessons,” she grunted. “Like she hasn’t already been giving me  _ Earth lessons. _ ” Worse, Jasper realized she could probably use the actual lessons…she wasn’t paying attention to which button on the phone even had Lapis’s number.

“Oh well,” she muttered, “Not like she can stay away from me.”

“HEY!” A voice cried out from behind her. Jasper wheeled around, fists clenched. She relaxed self-consciously when she saw who it was. 

“Hey,” Amethyst panted, catching up. “Why do you have to walk so fast?”

Jasper laughed, “It’s not my fault you have such short legs.”

“Touché.” The purple gem grinned. “So, what was that about?”

“What was what about?”

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “ _ Lapis.  _ Come on, you two fooled nobody. ‘Phone lessons’? Why all the drama?”

Jasper froze, debating whether or not to tell the truth. But without Lapis here, she knew she’d never come up with anything plausible on her own.

She shrugged. “Lapis didn’t want you guys to get suspicious if you saw us hanging out. She said you wouldn’t get it.”

“I don’t get it,” Amethyst said, “No offense, but you two aren’t known for ‘hanging out’. More like ‘trapping and tormenting each other’.”

Jasper couldn’t stifle a sly grin. “Who said anything’s changed?”

“Ugh, Jasper, come on!” Amethyst laughed, “You can’t be serious. This is the happiest I’ve seen you  _ or  _ Lapis since you came to Earth, so it can’t all be torment. Dude, what does she see in you, anyway?”

Jasper glanced around to make sure they were alone before grinning evilly. “You wanna see?”

Amethyst smirked. “Yeah!”

Jasper pulled down the front of her pants.

Amethyst fell to the ground, laughing. “You’re fucking kidding! Lapis! Seriously?!”

“Well, you were the one getting nosy,” but Jasper laughed, zipping herself back up. She smirked. “I thought maybe you’d ‘get it’ faster this way.”

“You two are terrible,” Amethyst hooted, “absolutely shameless. ‘Phone lessons’. It’s like a bad porn.”

Jasper looked confused. “What’s porn?”

“Trust me, you don’t want to know,” Amethyst said. “But if you can’t keep your hands off each other, please—get a room.”

“We have a room,” Jasper paused. “After the dance, we...we met up…”

The purple gem looked skeptical. “And, what, you’ve been doing it ever since?”

Jasper shrugged. “Basically.”

Amethyst glanced down at Jasper again. “Do you keep that thing shape-shifted  _ all  _ the time?”

“It’s not shape-shifting,” Jasper looked away awkwardly. “It’s like…these,” she gestured to her horns, and the circles on her arms, “Or these. It’s been there since the corruption. It makes things…difficult.”

“Oh.” Amethyst said. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s fine. Just one more thing I don’t understand about life on Earth, I guess.”

Amethyst couldn’t help but smirk. “And Lapis is helping you with that, right?”

Jasper gave a bark of laughter. “You could say that.”

“Look,” Amethyst patted Jasper’s arm, “I like you, okay?” She thought back. “Well, I like you well enough now. But play nice with Lapis. I don’t want to see her get hurt. Again.”

Jasper smiled wryly. “You all have no idea what  _ she  _ does to  _ me.” _

“And I don’t wanna know!” Amethyst chuckled, “But seriously, if this goes south, let’s please not have any repeats of the starship crash. Or Watermelon Island. Or that boat Greg had to buy."

Jasper looked thoughtful. “That’s another weird thing. She wants us to get along, and I want to see her happy.”

Amethyst gave Jasper a punch on the shoulder, “Is that so weird?”

**

One morning, after their third round in bed together, Lapis pushed her eager lover off, giggling.

"Jasper, we should get up," she admonished. "It'll get late--the others will worry…"

"The others will be fine," Jasper bent to suck one of the blue gem's nipples into her mouth. Lapis indulged in a whimper before pulling away.

" _ I  _ want to get up," she said.

"I haven't tasted enough of you yet," the orange gem growled, trying to pull her back into the rumpled bed.

Lapis pushed her away once more and began to walk towards the door, phasing on her top and pants. "If you want me, come get me," she smirked. "I want to bathe before the pool gets too crowded."

Jasper pouted but stood up, putting on her own clothes as the smaller gem gathered her soaps and scrubs. "Fine," she grumbled. "If you insist."

"Do you want Bismuth and Peridot breaking down the door to make sure we survived the night?" Lapis asked dryly.

"I dunno," the Quartz laughed. "Could be fun."

Lapis punched her in the arm as they walked towards the warp. "You're incorrigible," she rolled her eyes. 

“That’s what you like about me,” Jasper smirked.

The pool was still deserted when they arrived, and Lapis phased out of her clothes instantly, slipping into the water with a happy sigh. Jasper, feeling slightly more self-conscious at the idea that other gems might join them, despite her earlier bravado, also removed her uniform and slid into the pool.

The blue gem looked up at her from beneath lowered lashes. “Wash me,” she ordered.

“Huh?” The Quartz was taken aback. 

Lapis handed her a bottle of thick liquid. “It’s soap,” she deadpanned. “I want you to wash me.”

Jasper tossed it back. “I’d rather do something else…” she reached for the smaller gem’s waist, but Lapis pushed her away.

“Easy, soldier,” she laughed, retrieving the bottle. “This is what I want right now.”

“But--why?” Jasper was perplexed. “We don’t need to wash. Your physical form is just--”

“A conscious manifestation of light, I know,” the water gem interrupted. “But it feels good. Here--I’ll do you first, and show you how it’s done.”

“What?” Jasper felt out of her depth again. “But--Lapis--I don’t need--”

“Shhh,” Lapis put a finger to the larger gem’s lips. “Just relax, Jasper.”

She raised her hands, and water shot upward in small streams from the pool. Jasper tensed on instinct, but forced herself to relax as the water began to wind and caress its way over her body. Lapis sidled closer and ran her hands over the Quartz’s abs and hips, lathering her with soap and coming up to knead her breasts. The orange gem groaned in spite of herself; between the ministrations of the water gem’s hands on her torso, the water tendrils now massaging her shoulders, and the current that flowed playfully between her thighs and around her cock, she felt helpless to the whim of the smaller gem.

Lapis moved around to her back, running soapy hands luxuriously over her russet stripes and circular scars. “Mmmm,” she purred. “You really  _ are  _ the ultimate Quartz.”

Jasper laughed softly. “You like that, huh?”

“I do,” the blue gem replied. “And I like it when you give in to me like this.” She switched bottles and began to wind shampoo into the orange gem’s mane of hair. “You just need to  _ relax  _ sometimes.”

“You’re one to talk,” Jasper grumbled, but she sighed contentedly at the other gem’s gentle touch.

“Okay,” Lapis said. “Now rinse,” the gleam in her eye turned playful. “Or should I do it for you?”

Jasper snorted. “I don’t think so.” She ducked beneath the water, coming up and shaking off hard enough to splatter Lapis, who shrieked happily.

“Your turn,” the blue gem laughed, tossing over the soap. “With hands that big, you shouldn’t have a problem.”

But maybe  _ because  _ of the size of her hands, Jasper struggled with the tiny bottle, finally uncorking it and accidentally pouring too much soap into her palm. “Sorry,” she blushed gruffly. “I think I spilled it.” Her postcoital confidence was beginning to falter.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Clumsy Quartz,” she teased. Seeing the look on Jasper’s face, her expression softened. “It’s okay,” she reassured. “Heaven knows I’m sooo dirty.”

“Damn right you are,” the Quartz smirked. “Okay. Where should I start?”

The blue gem floated up onto her back, letting the water hold her up, her naked body beautifully on display. “Wherever you’d like,” she grinned, closing her eyes lazily.

Jasper rubbed her soapy hands together, trying to spread the odd substance evenly between them before beginning to lather up Lapis’s belly. She enjoyed feeling her hands wrap entirely around the other gem’s small waist, flaring out as she slid down to her hips and up to cup her breasts. 

“Mmm,” Lapis sighed contentedly. “Keep going.”

The orange gem did as she was told, moving down over her lover’s thighs and calves, rubbing her feet and prompting a giggle as she soaped between her toes. Lapis turned upright, letting her lower half sink into the water, raising her arms for Jasper to lather. The larger gem loved the slenderness of her, the delicacy of her arms in her hands; as she slid to her wrists, she remembered their fusion dance, the way it had felt to grab her there. She felt a confusing swirl of regret and lust.

“I’ll do my face,” Lapis continued, seemingly oblivious. “And you can do my hair.”

Jasper retrieved the shampoo and began to work it in. Maybe this wasn’t so useless; she was able to experience every inch of the smaller gem, and the happy hums and moans she was provoking were an incentive in and of themselves.

Finished at last, she reluctantly drew her hands away, rinsing them in the water. Lapis dove under gracefully, swimming in a long lap and circling back around to press against the Quartz’s bulk.

“Mm,” Jasper scooped her up as her cock twitched eagerly. “Now we do what  _ I  _ want.”

Lapis raised her eyebrows quizzically, but didn’t protest as Jasper lifted her onto the stone rim of the pool. She braced herself by placing her hands behind her, leaning back so that Jasper could look up at her from her place in the water.

“Spread ‘em,” Jasper commanded, her hands on the insides of the blue gem’s silky smooth thighs.

With a slow, sly smile, Lapis spread her legs, revealing her slick blue heat to her lover and making Jasper’s mouth water. Grinning, she leaned in, tracing that wet sweetness with one long stroke of her tongue. The smaller gem gasped lustfully, then moaned, winding one hand into the Quartz’s hair to bring her in closer. Jasper eagerly licked and lapped, sealing her lips against Lapis’s swollen labia and thrusting in and out before flicking over her clit.

“O-Ohhhh…” Lapis let her head fall back with a groan. Jasper’s mouth felt  _ so good.  _ She ate her cunt with unbridled enthusiasm, savoring the taste, teasing every part of her before focusing on that sweet spot to drive her wild. Her hips bucked and her back arched, and soon she was curled over Jasper, her thighs gripping the other gem, both hands wound in her hair, crying skyward as her hips convulsed and she came in one long, squirting stream, feeling the vibration as Jasper growled into her pussy.

Gasping, she fell back, and Jasper disengaged, looking up at her with that familiar cocky grin. Lapis, chest heaving, laughed.

“Now it’s  _ your  _ turn--” she began, but just as she was about to reach for the other gem’s cock, the warp pad flashed.

A laughing, rowdy group of Quartzes tumbled forward, already roughhousing as they shed their clothes. Jasper recognized several of them, including Biggs, Ocean, Zebra, Blue Lace Agate, Angel Aura, and Lace Amethyst. Suddenly self-conscious, she drew back as they began to splash into the pool. A hot blush rose into her cheeks as she realized some of them--Biggs included--had an appendage similar to her own dangling between their thighs.

“Jasper, Lapis,” Biggs grinned at them cheekily. “Early birds, huh?”

“W-What?” Jasper stammered.

“You know I’m always here early,” Lapis replied smoothly. She made no attempt to cover herself, and leaned back onto her elbows from her place on the ledge. 

“Yeah, but usually you don’t have company,” Blue Lace teased.

“Shut up, Blue,” Lapis smirked. “Jasper’s never been here to bathe before. I’m showing her the ropes.” That wasn’t strictly true, but apparently neither Lapis nor Amethyst had told the others of their previous encounter in the pool.

“You mean, showing her the soaps?” Lace Amethyst laughed. The others guffawed, but Lapis rolled her eyes.

“Stars, Lacey, that’s  _ awful _ ,” she groaned. With a splash, she joined them in the water. 

“You know them, too?” Jasper hissed to her lover, a bit put off by Lapis’s open and friendly demeanor around all these Quartzes.

Lapis shrugged. “ _ You  _ avoided me, but we’ve worked together, and I’ve gotten to know more gems since the Healing. A lot of us like to bathe here in the mornings, too.”

Jasper felt foolish, and a little jealous. She’d been proud of herself for occasionally going out with Amethyst and this group, for the limited amount of social interaction she’d attempted, but she realized she’d still spent much of her time on Earth alone and brooding. Even Lapis, who could become notoriously moody and prickly, seemed more at ease than her.

“It’s okay, Jasper,” Ocean grinned. “I think they’re a bunch of knuckleheads, too.”

“I-I never said that,” Jasper stammered.

“You don’t have to,” Biggs snorted. “But that’s okay, we don’t mind. And I guess we’ll forgive you for hogging Lapis.”

“Hey, I can get hogged by whoever I want to,” Lapis stuck out her tongue. “It’s not Jasper’s fault if you’re jealous.”

“You could make us un-jealous,” Zebra taunted, and Jasper felt a flare of protectiveness as she reached around to pull Lapis close. 

Lapis sprayed her with a jet of water and returned to Jasper, snort-laughing. 

“You might have to fight me for that, Zebra--I’d be careful.” Jasper bared her teeth in a smug grin.

Zebra held up her hands. “Just joking,” she said. But then she glanced at Jasper. “Of course, I might actually take you up on that, since we have such a nice new Arena!”

“Yeah, it’s great!” Angel chimed in, and the others nodded. This time, Jasper felt a flicker of pride. 

“Thanks,” she said, with feeling.

Lapis eyed the sun. “I should be getting back…” she said, a note of worry inching into her voice.

Jasper wheeled around, heart sinking. “Back?” she demanded. “Back where?” The other Quartzes worked to hide their snickers.

The blue gem rolled her eyes, but was working her bottom lip guiltily between her teeth. “Back to the farm,” she replied. “To the country. I’ve already missed the early morning chores with Peridot.”

“Oh,” Jasper’s voice sounded hollow. She realized that she didn’t know what to do next, after last night. She did know she didn’t want to say goodbye. “Can I...um...can I come with you?”

Lapis raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“Sure,” Jasper said, sounding anything but sure. “Yeah. I can help. With the chores.”

“And you promise to be cordial to Peridot?” There was a tone of warning in the water gem’s voice. 

The Quartz grimaced. She and Peridot had never gotten along, and the idea of spending the day with the green gem grated. But...if it meant being closer to Lapis…

“It’ll be fine,” she assured. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

Lapis smiled archly. “That’s what I’m worried about.”

**

By the time they dressed and warped out to the farm, the sun was high in the sky, and Peridot was already scowling.

“ _ There  _ you are,” she said irritably to Lapis, though her voice betrayed a note of relief. She looked towards Jasper, and her scowl deepened. “What’s  _ she  _ doing here?”

“She’s volunteered to help with the chores,” Lapis said coolly. She shot Peridot a look that plainly meant  _ behave yourself.  _

But the green gem would not be swayed. “What chores that are left, you mean.”

The water gem rolled her eyes. “Peridot, you’ve only just started. Relax--I’m not that late. Besides, I’ve been back later and missed more chores on the days I go with Steven.”

“Yeah, well, that’s Steven,” Peridot muttered, but she walked toward the new barn rather than pressing the issue further.

Lapis closed her eyes and Jasper watched in awe as twin hoses, sputtering and splashing and then gushing, twirled into the air and began to spray water in raindrop-like splatters on the crops in the field.

“Erm--what can I help with?” she asked tentatively.

“Ask Peridot,” the blue gem shrugged, eyes still closed. She smiled. “I’ve got the water works handled.”

Reluctantly, Jasper trudged towards the barn, where Peridot was carefully measuring proportions of fertilizer ingredients.

“Uhhh, Lapis said to ask you what I could help with,” she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. 

Peridot’s mouth twisted, and she glanced towards trays of seedlings in the corner. “I want to get these seeded today, but your fingers are too big and clumsy for such delicate work.”

Jasper felt a familiar flare of annoyance but shoved it down with a laugh. “Well, I am a Quartz.”

“Blue Lace Agate could do it,” Peridot shot back. “I can trust  _ her  _ with delicate things.”

“Something tells me,” Jasper smirked. “That you’re not just talking about seedlings. But somehow I don’t think you’d be happier if it were Blue Lace Agate rather than me.”

“ _ Anyone  _ would be better than you!” Peridot sputtered, blushing.

“Yeah, well,” Jasper snapped. “It’s not up to you, is it? She’s not something you can control. Now, do you have any chores for me, or what?”

Peridot took a deep breath, willing herself not to give another sharp-tongued answer. She may not have wanted Jasper there, but Lapis clearly did, and she would just have to muscle through this for her friend. And, well, Jasper  _ was  _ a Quartz. That could come in handy around the farm.

“All right,” the green gem grumbled. “You can dig rows for the seedlings using your spin attack. Just...try to stay within the lines I’ve marked, okay?”

Jasper cracked her knuckles. “On it,” she grinned. Peridot rolled her eyes.

She summoned her helmet, and faster than a blur, began her spin attack against the ground. She churned Earth at rapid pace, going line after line until the soil was messy and upturned in rows.

Well, they could  _ kindly  _ be called rows. None of them were in what resembled a straight line.

When Jasper stood up, wiping sweat from her brow and sighing, Peridot exploded.

“How can I plant in THESE?” She yelled. “You didn’t even try to stay in the lines! You’ve just destroyed an entire field!”

Despite her promise to Lapis, Jasper felt her rage growing. “Look, I don’t know what you were expecting!” she burst out. “You know me! You know what I can and can’t do! So what if they’re not  _ perfect?  _ If they don’t meet your precious  _ specifications?  _ Why can’t you just  _ get the fuck over it? _ ”

“Because you’re--you’re--you’re a CLOD!” Peridot yelled, blushing. “You can’t do  _ anything  _ right! From the moment I met you, you’ve just been in the way! You took over the mission to Earth! You destroyed the ship! You lost control of yourself, you hurt Lapis, you became a fool of your own rage, you corrupted yourself! And guess who poofed you?! ME! A little green nerd! An annoying ‘ _ twerp’!  _ I BEAT YOU!”

Jasper’s fists were clenched, and she was shaking. “You couldn’t do the most basic of missions without getting fooled by the Crystal Gems! That’s why they sent me! You think you’re tough? You can’t do anything until you’re  _ scared  _ enough to act!” she roared. “You think you can beat me? Prove it!”

Peridot raised her fists, though she suddenly looked anxious. “I-I will!” she shouted.

If Jasper hadn’t been so mad, she might’ve felt sorry for her.

As she rushed the smaller gem, alert to any pieces of flying metal that might come at her, a sudden blast knocked her backward off her feet. Dumbfounded, she wondered how Peridot could’ve possibly struck first, then realized she was soaking wet from head to toe. Sputtering, she glanced up to see what had hit her, and gawked at the beautiful, enraged figure in the sky.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Lapis's voice echoed eerily from within the water, which had shaped around her to resemble a larger, more terrifying Lapis. Jasper could see Peridot, also sputtering and soaking, through the flowing suspended liquid.

"But--Lapis--" the green gem protested. 

At the same time, Jasper tried to defend herself. "Lapis, I just--"

But their words were cut short. "HOW DARE YOU," the figure seethed. "ALL I ASK IS FOR YOU BOTH TO STOP BEING SELFISH, IDIOTIC BLOCKHEADS FOR  _ ONE  _ MORNING, AND INSTEAD I FIND YOU LIKE  _ THIS."  _ The disdain in her magnified voice made Peridot tremble and Jasper cringe.

"Lapis, she attacked me!" Peridot squeaked indignantly.

"You provoked me, you little--!" Jasper swung again towards the smaller gem, but they both cried out as a rushing wave of water bowled them over from either side, sending them sliding in opposite directions. The towering figure seemed to be melting as it shed water, and from within it Lapis emerged, standing on the ground and fuming.

Peridot stood up and Jasper clambered to her feet, both of them drenched and shamefaced. Both cowered as Lapis glared.

" _ One  _ morning," she said again. " _ One  _ time I need you to work together. And now this field is wrecked, nothing is planted, and you can't even put your differences aside for one fucking minute. Not even for  _ me _ ."

"W-Well," Peridot stammered, "It wouldn't  _ be  _ such a mess if she hadn't...the rows...if you hadn't flooded…" her voice trailed off and her shoulders slumped as Lapis held her gaze.

"This isn't about that, Peri, and you know it," the blue gem murmured.

Peridot flushed. "Why did you have to bring  _ her  _ here? She ruins everything!" The smaller gem exclaimed.

"I want her here," Lapis replied softly.

Jasper felt awkward, annoyed, and ashamed. "Look," she growled. "I'm just gonna go.."

"No," Lapis's tone was commanding. "Stay."

Peridot's lips twisted bitterly. "Lapis, come on! She's been horrible to you! Who was here for you after you unfused? Who held you when  _ she  _ attacked us and got corrupted? Who helped you through everything with the Diamonds, who waited for you when you took the barn to the moon? Me! Not her!"

"Look, I could've been there!" Jasper burst out. "That's not even fair!  _ You're  _ the one who poofed me!"

"Oh, and what would you have done after getting yourself corrupted?" Peridot shot back. "What would you have done to her as a mindless, clobbering  _ beast _ ?"

That stung more than she'd expected, and Jasper faltered.

"Peridot, that's enough!" Lapis's tone was edged in steel but there was a plea in it. "You two need to let all that go!"

"YOU NEVER LET  _ ANYTHING  _ GO!" Jasper and Peridot yelled it in unison. Lapis's faced darkened, but then her shoulders sagged, and her eyes filled with tears.

"I know," she said thickly. "It's  _ hard _ . And I know it's hard--for both of you--to be with me. We've all hurt each other. We can't all keep hurting each other." She took a shaky breath, and guilt hit Jasper like a gut punch.

"Wow, nice impression of Steven," Peridot interjected. Jasper glared at her but Lapis gave a watery laugh.

"I want to spend time with  _ both  _ of you," the blue gem continued. "Can you try to get along? Please? For me?"

The Quartz felt a renewed flash of stubborn anger, but felt it loosen and fade as she gazed at her lover. Awed by her own reaction, she shambled awkwardly over to Lapis, wrapping a hand around her shoulders. Peridot's expression hardened, then relaxed and she, too, walked over to Lapis.

"I'm sorry," Jasper said. "Really." She looked down at Peridot. "Truce?"

"Yeah. Yeah, okay. Truce." The green gem nodded.

Relieved, Lapis slumped against Jasper. Peridot took in how her friend's body melted comfortably against the larger gem's, how Jasper's hand clasped her familiarly.

She blushed. "So that's how it is, huh?"

The Quartz flushed but Lapis nodded. "Yeah, Peri. I'm sorry if...I'm sorry I haven't been much help lately."

"I don't get it," the smaller gem replied. "But if having you around means having her around, I guess I'll get used to it."

Lapis giggled. "Thanks, Peri," she tugged Jasper's hair playfully, causing the larger gem to wince. "Give this unpolished rock a chance, okay?"

Jasper swung her up into her arms. "Who are you calling  _ unpolished _ ?" She growled.

Lapis gave a catlike stretch and yawned. "I'm tired," she sighed. "Carry me to my hammock." She smiled mischievously at the other gems. "You two don't mind cleaning this up, do you?"

Jasper groaned as she carried Lapis into the barn, and Peridot rolled her eyes. She looked exasperatedly at the Quartz. 

"Just put her down and come right back," she shouted after the couple. "No funny business in the barn!"

Lapis giggled again and Jasper bent to give her a long, lingering kiss. "Fine," she broke away, grinning. Peridot squirmed at the look of naked desire on her best friend's face after that kiss.

"You two are  _ awful _ ," she groaned. 

***

  
  



End file.
